Press Start to Begin
by madiisnotahipster
Summary: Guys suck, I should just stick to video games and never leave my apartment. Thankfully, Dan lives in the same building as I do. My name is Atari, and this is how I survived the winter. My Objective: Find decent people in the world. Mission Status: In Progress, but I think I found someone that fits all of the requirements. Dan/OC, Phil/OC.
1. The Beginning

"Goddamn it! Why won't you die, bitch?!" I yelled a the television screen before forgetting the minor detail that most of London was logically in bed right now, along with my flatmate, Micah.

Speak of the devil, she came out of her bat cave. "What the fuck?! Your imaginary friends don't need death threats," Micah stumbled out of her room, mumbling incoherently.

"Har har." The only death threats I'd be sending would be to whomever decided to gift her with the talent of light sleep.

"It's four in the morning."

"No shit. I just have to defeat this boss monster real quick."

"Your life is so satisfying," she said, then proceeded to tap against the wall and disappear into her room. I love that girl, but I'm in the middle of Zelda and can't be bothered. When I'm playing any sort of video game, I am always crazy stressed, that is until I press the save button, when all of my worries are washed away. That feeling is worth the hours of anxiety over how to kill this monster.

* * *

The sun peaked at me behind the four blankets as if to say, "Wake up ya mother fucking twat. Get off your ass, bitch!" Which I respond with a, "I'm going to climb a space ship and blow you up." You think I'm kidding, but trust me, I'm dead serious.

Grumbling, I left my bed at 12:27 on the dot. Impressive, considering that I usually wake up about three hours later. It's just that every time I attempt to leave my bed, I end up getting sucked back in by the softness of the covers and promise of slumber. Plus my cat wouldn't let me go. I can hear her little purrs decoded into something along the lines of, "Don't leave, Atari! You must stay with me and sleep forever!" And who can argue with that?

Checking my phone, I realized that I had the usual good morning text from my boyfriend. However, when I opened it, it said, "Meet me at our Starbucks? I want to tell you something."

Smiling, I got ready. Clothes? Check. Hair? Sure I guess. Okay, ready. TOMS, cash, cards, and my cell phone later, I left for the underground.

I tugged my cardigan closer to me, shielding from the very late November chill. The holes in my shoes made walking uncomfortable and my toes frozen, but I would continue to wear these until there are no soles. I forgot about the cold when I saw Ben inside with his coat on and no drink in front of him.

Then I saw his eyes. His beautiful dark green eyes that changed to turquoise when he was happy and blue when he was sad. They were light green when I looked at him from underneath the covers two years ago and light turquoise when I woke him up the next morning. But now they were staring at me with broken blue inside. Instead of the usual glow about his face, there was a sense of guilt. And I knew that before I even got to the table.

"What's wrong?"" I asked as I pulled out the chair. The ice from his eyes moved from my face to the table.

"Nothing," he hesitated. But who could believe someone who was avoiding your gaze and tapping his leg against the floor?

"I'll go get you your usual. To go or for here?"My feet started heading for the counter when he pulled on my wrist. I pulled my arm away. I hate when people grab me like that.

"Sorry, but no. Um.. sit down." He rubbed his neck guiltily. Okay, something's wrong. Did he quite his job? Did he move? Is someone dead?

I sat down. "Now before you start asking questions, I have to let you know something." Que dramatic pause, as though it was a movie. "I slept with someone last night and I hope you can forgive me and we can be friends but I think thatweshouldshmershmershmer."

"What?" None of that sunk in. I felt like he was going to say "Surprise! I was just kidding, got you there, didn't I boo? But no seriously, someone died." Because that's something that he would do. I accept the good and the bad in people.

"I think we should stop seeing each other." Ben confessed. His eyes were the worst part. He had always been easy to read. That was one of my favorite qualities about him. Now it was my downfall. His eyes said that he was sorry, but not for the fact that he cheated, but for the fact that he confessed. Insecurities of myself flashed before my eyes as everything crumbled. I knew that I wasn't good enough anymore.

"It's okay, we can work this out. It was only once, ri-"

"We've been fucking for two months. We want to go public but she told me I had to tell you first." One last glance was all I got before he left the cafe.

My mind acused me of everything I'm not, and what I should have been. She's probably prettier, skinnier, more social, she probably likes cars and cares about her social factor, has a normal job, better past, less involvement, less investment in time.

But I refused to be one of those girls who cries in cafes and runs around complaining about their life. I got up calmly from my chair and ordered a drink that's warm and sweet before I left the coffee shop with a jingle of bells over the door.

My feet carried on, calm and collected as I moved to the underground. I knew that a bit of Halo 4 would get me back on track.

But when I saw the train pull away from the station just as I arrived, I collapsed. Am I ever going to be enough for someone? What absolutely sucks is that I spent two years on him. Ben didn't even apologize. He wasn't even sorry for wasting two perfectly good years of memories. I was going to move in with him and leave Micah for her own flat. Guess plans change. God I sound like a freaking soap opera.

My legs were no longer strong enough to hold me up. I met the dirty floor and found salt water coming out of my eyes, slowly but surely. When I cry, I am not one of those pretty girls who can just casually cry with pretty wide eyes and lightly pink cheeks, no I am a fucking dying walrus. I pulled my knees to my chest and sobbed as people moved past me, too involved in their own personal lives to care. So I huddled closer to the wall, getting soot and ashes on my turquoise pants.

"Missing the trolly is nothing to be upset over, love," I peaked my head up from it's resting place on my legs. The adolescent man sat next to me, not seeming to care if he got dirt all over his jeans that were sagging off of his hips, exposing blue boxers. After letting me cry for a few minuets, casually tapping his fingers against his leg and nodding his head to unrecognizable music, he pulled me closer to him. This gave me hope that people aren't total dicks and that there is hope for humanity. But not for Ben. If I thought I was sobbing then, after that train of thought, I was a fucking waterfall. I have never cried over a guy like I was crying now. And in front of a cute boy.

After many minuets and a few trains passing, I finally calmed down. "One time, my flatmate Phil recorded me talking in my sleep and for a good half hour I was contemplating about bunnies terrorizing little boys. Is that weird?" I looked up from the position in the crook of his arm and saw the perfect expression on his handsome face and nearly died laughing. This started him into a fit of chuckles.

To anyone other than us, this would have looked quite odd. The children walking in front of us pulled on their mothers' and fathers' coats, pointing, while the adults glared and ignored us.

"Thank you," I said once I composed myself. "I needed that. And no, I don't think that's weird at all. I'm sorry for yeah, crying and all that. I don't usually do that," I confessed, wiping the water off my heart-shaped face, away from my pink cheeks and gray-green eyes. His arm was still around me, and I may or may not have moved closer to him.

"Don't be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry for," the boy replied. A fresh set of dark brown eyes gave me a life jacket to hold on to.

"I probably melted all your frozens," I said, gesturing to his grocery bags.

"They won't mind. What's your name?" he asked

"Atari," I replied, rubbing my eyes and nose with the sleeve of my cardigan, still under the protective arm of the mystery guy. He smiled. "My parents were huge gamers, so I guess they wanted to pass it on."

"That is the coolest name ever. My name's Dan, if you wanted to know, but yeah. I don't know if I trust you to get home by yourself. Would you like a train partner?" Dan asked as he stood up, holding his hand out to me. His smile made my stomach explode with excitement. Now what was I crying over?

"I'd be honoured. But I'm not a damsel in distress," I stood up on my own and smiled at his face that was a few inches above mine. My hands clutched my coffee closely, where I found it to the perfect temperature to drink.

We proceeded together past the desk to the trolly. Thank God for cards. This time we made it with time to spare, unlike my previous endeavor. The conversation was stifled until the doors closed, when the lack of space in the London underground put us in a situation where talking was welcome to avoid the awkward situation. With only five minuets until my stop, and honestly, I was thankful for the company.

"So where are you originally from? Your accent sounds like American, but not, you know. Yeah," Dan said.

"I was born in the US and moved here when I was 19 for a scholarship in video game design over here in London," I said between sips of warm coffee. I used my freehand to take one of the bags of groceries and set it on my lap so he didn't have to handle so many Tesco foods.

"Wow, that's actually really cool. Do you design any fancy video games? Or are you still in uni?"

"I graduated uni and now I work in designing video games but as of right now I'm going through six months of training, sort of, I just fill in a bunch of paperwork on my computer about the graphics of various games and playing all of them for about 9 hours a day. I got my gen. eds. in my hometown and transferred here for my sophomore year on till graduation, I took a year to intern in Seattle for Microsoft. This is probably way more information than you need," a blush spread across my face.

"You worked on X-Box games?" Dan was in minor shock.

"Yeah, sort of, I learned how they did the sounds for Halo and all of the graphics. I mostly ran around with flash drives and USB cords. It was really cool though."

"That sounds fucking amazing!" His smile just brightens my day a little more every time I saw it. There's a small dimple that appears next to his laugh lines and it's super cute. "Sorry, I have a bad habit of swearing. Hope you don't mind. But even if you did, I literally won't stop. Sorry."

"Trust me, I couldn't care less if you swear. My flatmate hates how often I do it."

"Same here! Phil can't stand it." The train came to a halt at my stop and we both got off, Dan claiming something of how this happened to be his stop as well. I was thrilled for the excuse to walk next to him more.

"So where do you work?" I asked. The hustle and bustle of the train cut off his mumbling. "What?"

"Never mind," he replied. And like the socially awkward person I am, I decided to not bring it up again. I know, it would make the conversation flow better, but I've never been good at that. We stayed quiet, talking about the weather and stupid small talk that we both hate. Inhaling each others air, me happily getting small whiffs of his cologne mixed with the November breeze.

"Well, this is my building," I said as we got to the large complex of apartments.

"You're joking."

"No... Why?" I began to get confused. Like what? Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is my building...

"This is _my_ building," Dan said with giant grin on his face.

"No fucking way! This is perfect!" We entered together, and I have to admit, I liked the way we looked in the reflexion from the elevators when we got there. I was only one floor down from him. The posh lady said "going up" as we ascended into space.

"Text me sometime maybe? I could introduce you to Phil maybe? Or we could play video games or watch Buffy or Doctor Who maybe?" his voice was shy and adorable.

"I'd like that," I said with a smile as I poked his shoulder. We exchanged numbers, leaving me exactly enough time to leave the elevator and walk down to my apartment. Little did I know that leaving the company of someone else would make me wallow in self pity for the fact that I am forever alone.


	2. Dos

As I stepped into the apartment, I realized how... finished everything was. The few boxes that I got together would have to be unpacked and my room could become a mess again. I can put my shit around the house and use _my_ X-Box instead of Micah's. She wouldn't have to put up with him when he comes over either.

But I won't have someone to cuddle with, to kiss, to hold, to play video games with, to walk hand in hand with, to talk until three in the morning with. I know that I don't need a boy in my life, but it was a nice when I had one.

I tossed my shit on the couch and went straight for a glass of half rum half Diet Coke. Once that was found I stayed at the counter, having a staring contest with the boxes.

I finally deiced that I would save the alcohol for when Micah got home, who of which would get home any minuet. But the thought of perpetual loneliness was enough to motivate me to my bed. I downed the drink and went to my room, only to be interrupted as soon as my head touched the pillow.

"Honey, I'm home!" she called, our usual routine. But when I didn't respond with a witty phrase, she came looking. "Oh dear God, what happened?"

I guess I'm easy to read. I turned my head and replied. "It's over. He broke up with me. He had been sleeping with another girl." Before I knew what was happening, I was sobbing into her lap as she brushed my hair and listened to me rant. "I just can't believe that he'd go and abandon all of our plans. I was going to move in with him! I thought I loved him! I let him win in Mario Kart! Goddammit why am I so stupid?! And you know what? He told me all of that and just got up and left! He didn't even let me respond! I spent a year and like 7 months on him." Then a stream of audible sounds erupted from my mouth, I don't know how to even put them into words.

"You know what will make you feel better?" she asked. I sniffed.

"Wha

"Let's burn his picture on our gas stove and unfriend him on facebook. Then we can make Pokemon after him and defeat him. Okay?" Micah asked quietly. I agreed.

Micah and I continued to do exactly that. And in the spirit of Christmas, we figured we would send him the pictures of me next to a headless figure. Was this the booze? Of course not, silly. I was currently positioned next to our stove, slowly setting fire to his face.

Now I normally don't drink, but Micah makes good cocktails that are less calories than Ben & Jerry's with Maltesers and chocolate chips. But Micah, on the other hand, is a frequent drinker. Despite her tiny frame she holds her drinks down quite well. She is a very silly drunk, where as I am a very emotional drunk who pours her feelings into red cups and empty bottles.

"I mean, I can't believe that he wouldn't even apologize! I gave him my time!" I hiccuped and set another one of his pictures on fire.

"I know, honey bunny," Micah giggled. "But karma will come for him, I know it. He wasn't even good at Super Mario. I mean, that's so pathetic."

"And there are so many guys that are dying to talk to me." I sighed. "No there's not! I don't leave my house! What is my life?!" I started sobbing and my flat mate came to my aid. Stumbling, she hugged me, but we both ended up falling over.

We stayed in the position, just talking about how pathetic our lives have become. "I'm so done with boys. Like this guy at my work is such a jerk. He winked at me and I told him to put it right up his ass." She laughed and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

Ten broken CD's thrown off our balcony, a chopped up t-shirt rearranged into "sucks to suck", a picture taken and sent to him, a broken necklace, erased games on Zelda, Sonic, Super Mario, and all of his other games, we finally sat down on the couch, blasting Ok Go.

"And you know what? He always crinkled his nose when you laughed. Like who the fuck does that to my best friend?! You're better off without him."

"You are so right." I was so renewed! I knew what to do. Tomorrow I would be social, start caring about stupid stuff, and get matching tattoos with Micah. It would be a whole new start. Plus, I don't have to stress over what Ben wanted and didn't want. He didn't like tats or stretched ears. But I don't need anyone to rule my life.

"Ben hated when I slept in past 1. Being a morning person, he didn't understand my owl- like ways. Ben hated when I blew him off for Micah, now I can be around my best friend all the time.

But now I have no one to wake up next to, no one to have bets on who would order what at Starbucks with, no one to hold my hand when we're walking. Oh my god, my life sucks. I'm such a failure. I made a mistake. He was so sweet tome, When I was having a bad day, he knew how to make me smile. He knew how I like my tea, and how I always sleep on the right side of the bed, how I adore Skittles, how I like when he uses correct grammar in his texts, he would watch Disney movies with me when I wanted, and he'd cuddle with me instead of sex. Now I'll be forever alone. This sucks.

Micah started fiddling with the waistband of my sweatpants. And that's all I remember.

* * *

The next morning, I found myself in my bed with messy hair and the other day's make up smeared on my pillow. Then yesterday hit me. The breakup, the alcohol, the headache. God would someone stop all the banging? Dan. Oh my god. Dan. I'm so happy that I've met him, because I don't even want to know what I would have done without someone to comfort me on the underground. Someone could have raped me or something.

But I still feel like shit. When I finally made it to the kitchen, everything looked like Sandy hit it. The very little amount of OCD that I have took control, giving me anxiety to a point of no return. I wanted to clean but my head hurt too much.

"Micah!" I called out. On the couch, there was a grumbling noise underneath our throw. "My head hurts." I complained, then proceeded to do the smart thing and slam my head against the breakfast bar. Facepalm.

"I'll make coffee. Do you know why there's a pile of shredded clothes on the counter?" Micah got up, clutching her head, in the same clothes that she went to work in yesterday, and proceeded to go towards the coffee maker.

It's like there are literally nuclear bombs going off in my brain. I moaned. "Oh and some person texted you last night. It's by the couch or something." Micah added.

Okay, I know this might just be me going for rebound, but her comment got me frantically searching for my cellular device, only to find it between the couch cushions.

"Hey." it said. From Dan. My face lit up. He gave me unintentional butterflies at the very idea of talking to him.

"You should celebrate your singleness by getting us Starbucks. We're out of good coffee." Micah said.

Sighing, I agreed and went to look semi-decent. Walking through the very small hallway, I passed the bathroom, going straight to my room. Out of the pile of... clothes... I don't know if they're clean or not, I chose grubby clothes consisting of a nice Adventure Time shirt, hoodie, and blue jeans with my phone, iPod, and cash shoved into the pockets.

"Morning." I sent back to Dan. What time was it? One? Oh God.

"How are you? :D" Dan replied.

"I'm fantastic. Because Atari is now a free elf."

* * *

Outside of the apartment, I messed with my ancient sticker-covered iPod, trying to decide between Muse and the new All Time Low album. Instead of either, I landed on Arcade Fire, and contently walked to Starbucks. The day was rather gloomy and poor. There were puddles exactly where my foot would want to be. I would be walking along and all of a sudden, there would be one right underneath my shoes. Genius.

I pulled the sleeves down lower on my hands, so that the ends just barely met my finger tips. My self conscious habits had me adjusting everything on my body so that I look what I would consider decent. It's gotten much better since high school.

My fingers combed through my caramel colored hair, now making me notice how unkempt it was. Sighing in frustration, I gave up, keeping my eyes on the dirty London ground. People walked past me, making me feel less significant, and I found an odd comfort in that.

"Excuse me! Excuse me, ma'am!" some man said on the side of the street, looking like a decent person, I took out one head phone to listen.

"Yes?" I was genuinely curious. Did I drop something?

"Did you know that there are many starving children among the streets of London right now? Here, here, take this pamphlet, it will explain what this organization, The Counsel of Starving Children and Adults Everywhere in the UK, is trying to do for society. Now I just need ten minuets of your time and a check book." Oh God. I hate these people. Now what sucks is that I can't move when they talk to me. I can't get my feet to move me places, like he's a wizard and I'm being tortured. Inside, my brain is screaming "GET AWAY I'M BROKE AND DON'T CARE GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE. HELLPPPPPPP!" But on the outside, I'm like, "Umm. Okay?"

"Oh thank God, Jane, there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you, come on, we need to get going," a male's voice said, pulling my arm out of my trance.

"Oh that's right. Thanks James," I said when responding to my hero. Seeing his face, I recognized it as Dan, and thanking Jesus that it wasn't a rapist. I hate cities, I hate the wind, and I hate the rain, and I hate the snow.

But we got out, catching our breaths as we narrowly escaped the massive crowd of people going to and fro. Looking at each other, we laughed. "Thank you. You're like Super Man or something," I said. But instead of giggling and doing something cute with my hair or something, I lightly punched his arm. Way to go, Atari. I wonder why you're single.

"No problem. I feel it's our duty as civilians to save the other people in terrible positions like pushy charity people." Dan smiled at me. We started walking again.

"I totally agree! But when ever I'm being talked at by some guy with a charity or whatever, I'm immobilized in that same position and inside I'm screaming for help but on the outside, I'll agree to literally anything."

"Dan!" some guy said, running through the swamp of moving people in suits. "Dan! I lost you!" This young man had black hair, a longer face than Dan and amazing blue eyes. If Dan is gay, I sincerely hope it's with this guy. But if I had to choose between straight Dan and gay Dan, I'd choose straight, just so that I stood a chance.

"No you didn't! I was right here the entire time!" Dan said, giving me a look that said "I am embarrassed to know this man." I pulled at my sleeves and tried to hide my smile.

"Well one minuet you were standing next to me, ready to go get coffee, the next moment you said you had to go be a super hero and you disappeared!" This guy said. He began walking with us, instead of running towards Dan and I.

"Well I had to go save Atari here from that creepy charity guy. I couldn't just let her get raped!" Dan said incredulously.

"Your name is Atari? That is the coolest thing ever!" the strange person said. He was cute, but in a brotherly way.

"Yeah. I grew up around too many video games and not enough sunlight. What's your name?" I asked him.

"My name's Phil, nice to meet you." There was a big smile on his face, like he was a little kid still, and I have so much respect for that. Only one block from Starbucks and I didn't want to leave them. But I can't just follow them wherever they are going like stalkers. That's fucking creepy.

"Nice to meet you too. Where are you guys headed?" Oh God that sounds like I'm stalking them. Good job.

"Starbucks, actually. We haven't been there in a while." Someone upstairs is looking down on me, saying how I deserve one day off from all this terrible pain.

"Me too! My friend and I decided to celebrate my new singleness, if that makes sense." My eyes were glued to the painted scenes of Space Invaders on my shoes.

"So is that why you were so upset yesterday?" Dan asked. "Or was it something totally different?"

"No, that's the reason. But I'm totally over it, and ready for some coffee. We ran out back at home."

"What number is your apartment? We heard some music blasting from downstairs and I thought it might be you, so I didn't want to complain," Dan asked.

"Ummm hmm I'm pretty sure its 25D?" Way to be smooth, Atari. You're so good at this.

"Really? That means you're right below us, because we're 25E. Right?" Phil said, asking Dan to make sure that it was right.

"That explains a lot of things," Dan said.

"That's what she said," managed to slip out of my mouth. I wanted to run in front of traffic. That is, until Dan laughed his adorable laugh. I'm sure that I was blushing, so I trained my eyes to the puddles under my toes.

Sooner or later, we arrived at Starbucks, waiting in line for the people that were there already, to get done. When I got to the counter, I ignored Dan's request to buy my drinks, and ordered them myself. A Salted Carmela Mocha, a Skinny Cinnamon Dolce whatever that Micah wanted, and a bag of coffee beans later, I went to save a spot at one of the tables.

What if they don't want to sit next to me? I don't want to be annoying. Okay, I'll just sit on one of the couches. I texted Micah to meet me here, maybe I'm being a little socially awkward, but there was something that told me that these boys were really funny.

Not that I was hovering around them, but while glancing around the room, I noticed that there were two girls that came up to them, giving them hugs and taking pictures with them. Okay, are they like under cover rock stars? Do they have a band? I won't pry though. The girls appeared to be about fifteen, and as soon as they left Dan and Phil they did this fangirl squeak. Hormones.

They both came to sit next to me, Dan on my right and Phil across from us on the other side of the small table. "How much time do you guys have to stay here?"

"As long as we want. But Dan here probably has a date tonight." When Phil said that, my heart may or may have not broke into a hundred tiny pieces. "With his Play Station, that is."

"Forever alone, huh?" I smiled, letting it touch my eyes. I'm kind of happy that he's single. And that it was Play Station. I approve. God, I'm such a nerd.

"Yes. I'm actually in a pretty serious relationship with Matesers." I laughed at Dan's reply.

"Oh really, well don't tell Micah, but I've been cheating on Ben with red Skittles," I winked. He laughed. Phil looked at us with a knowing smile that I couldn't quite read.

"Who's Micah?" Phil asked.

"She's my flatmate. And she should be here pretty soon, I texted her to meet me so that I didn't have to carry her cold drink all the way back."

"Does she have strawberry blonde hair with pink in it? Kinda small frame? Glasses?" Phil asked.

"Yes. Why are you psychic?" I asked.

"Scott Pilgrim reference?" Dan asked with a sort of derpy face on.

"Hells yeah!"

"There you are! God, nice detailed directions. Thank you for answering your phone," Micah said from the other side of the table, next to Phil. "Great, and I look like crap compared to you. You're all cute and stuff and you were just hungover. I give up. Give me my coffee." I blushed at her compliment, know that it wasn't true, but I didn't want to argue.

I handed her the coffee and bit my lip to keep from smiling at her over reaction. She's adorable. "So this is Dan and Phil. And this is Micah, my optimistic roommate."

Noticing that she wasn't alone, she introduced herself and gave me a glare after sitting next to Phil. "So how do you know this nerd?" Micah asked Dan and Phil.

"She had a breakdown in the underground and I didn't want her to get raped by one of the homeless men standing next to her," Dan said. I hit him on the shoulder.

"And I just met her," Phil said, his smile giant and childish. We continued on this ranting until Phil and Micah started talking about the X- Factor and Dan and I were discussing how reality television shows made us laugh.

AN- Mashed potatoes are disgusting.


	3. Tres

Okay, maybe I should explain to you the layout of our apartment. Personally, I find it perfect and comfortable. Micah and I are both very unconventional people. We have odd places for just about everything. Trust me, you don't even want to see my room. It's not necessarily messy, it's just not most people's idea of clean.

I have my bed pressed into the very back wall of my room with pillows lining where the window is all the way to the joints of the other walls. On that wall with the window were posters from video games, movies, and bands. On the wall with the head of my bed were letters from middle and high school, music festival tickets and wristbands, toms posters and bags, and a few cartoons of mine that will hopefully be made into video game monsters. On my bed were about twenty pillows with odd cases, stuffed animals, and five or so blankets, an Adventure Time one, a few tie ones from girl scout camp, one with sock monkeys, and a quilt made of scraps of my baby clothes. Thanks gramma.

This is the most average part of my room. Everything I own that could be put in a box, goes in a box. I have iPod boxes, camera boxes, tampon boxes, boxes for boxed set DVD's, shoe boxes, and various large wooden boxes from thrift stores. These boxes were set up on top of one another to create a bed side table, some are actually on shelves, some by the foot of my bed, and the smaller ones by my dresser.

I had all of my CD's on my floor next to my ancient boom box, in a spinning CD case holder, so I don't step on and break them. This leaves me with space for a drum kit and a twister board that aren't there... but it's nice to walk in and functions as a nice handy place for a multitude of clothes.

In this apartment, we were lucky enough to have closet space for a stacked washer and dryer, thank God. Our last place required that you go to the disgusting basement and use their old washers and driers, which usually had old men watching us dump our bras and panties into old appliances. Needless to say, we did our laundry in the very early morning when it was empty, and only once every two or three weeks due to the excessive amount of creepiness that haunted the basement. I shudder at the mere thought of having to go down there again.

If you left my room through the stolen road sign door, you'll get to a narrow hallway and if you leave and go left you'll find another narrow hall with the bathroom and the door to leave the apartment. If you do a 180 spin from my door to the left, you'll get Micah's room.

Her room is the definition of artistic. Like holy shit. She has an electric piano, a guitar, more paint than anyone ever, and an easel. Like holy shit. Her bed has crayons on the comforter and she made the pillow case design. There's a folded up blue tarp over the carpet where she paints because that's how messy she is. Her location of clothes is just a bunch of metal squares with one side missing stacked up on top of one another. Take me out of the oven, I'm so done. How is she single? She's so artistic and and pretty, I can't.

But on the right of my room, there is the end of the short hall, and the fork between choosing the kitchen or the living area.

Now keep in mind, I've been going to school with mostly guys in every class, I have had more sleep overs (not like that) with guys than girls, and I work in an environment with a ratio of one girl per eight guys. So by now, I have a living habit of a slob. I play video games nonstop, refresh tumblr all day, and generally make a mess. Though they always joked about me making them food, they were the poster children for cheep, yet delicious Iron Chef Goes College. You'd be surprised how many things taste good with peanut butter.

So if you went into the kitchen, you'd find a toaster over the drawer for the cutlery, a coffee maker next to the microwave, next to the oven. In the place where you are actually supposed to put the microwave, we have all of the condiments that aren't refrigerated next to the alcohol. In the cupboards, we have most commonly eaten food in front, less commonly eaten in the back. Our dishes are hard plastic cups, plastic plates, and plastic bowls with cartoons on them. We have normal metal dishes for family and the occasional cat guest for Soup (Micah and I don't entertain much, as you can tell). Our mugs have odd sayings like "Worlds Best Dad" and "Dam Tired" with a picture of a beaver in slippers.

I've truly saved the best for last. Christmas lights, or, excuse me, fairy lights (how I love the UK), were strung up around the couch. Now this couch was found at a thrift store, as well as a lot of our furniture. But we decided that the colour and pattern were very atrocious, so we got a ton of oddly patterned and coloured discount fabric from one of the stores downtown. With said material, we proceeded to cover the 3 sitting cushions, 3 cushions behind them, and the arm rests. Now it's a hot mess of fabrics. This large sofa is now so ugly that it's perfect. Above it is a bookshelf where Micah keeps her heavy reading and I keep the games I own. The ones that I play the most are on one of my boxes to the side of the couch. In front of it is a table covered with empty Diet Coke cans and DVD"s. On the other wall is my baby- a large television (thanks to my last pay check), an X-Box, an Atari (obviously), a Wii, a Play Station, Rock Band and Guitar Hero controllers, a Nintendo 64, a Game Cube, and a ton of games.

I do nothing but game. It's my job, quite literally. Well, that and filling out forms on what aspects of the video were good, and create ideas to add to another new game that came from inspiration off of these, or what I think should be improved on. So pretty much, when you're praying and you say "wow, I wish this was multi-player," you pause for half an hour to type a report of the math and a system to work it into a game. Later on, once I'm past training, I will have to do an abundance of algebra to figure out how I want the code for this to work as well as blue prints and flash animation for possible characters. I go to the meetings once every two weeks to catch them up with my progress and for them to I've me my next game. I truly do love my job. I've really wanted to do this since I was a little kid.

When other girls were outside singing songs and playing with Barbies, I was inside watching cartoons and playing my Game boy. While other girls wanted to be a princess or a fairy, I wanted to be Misty, the RED Power Ranger, or a person in a video game. This wasn't only in elementary, though. This was in middle and high school as well. While other girls were fussing over their hair and makeup, I was with the guys that they were too afraid to talk to, skateboarding to the nearest Wal-Mart for gum.

While other girls were swooning over that glittery vampire, I was swooning over Shia Labeouf in Transformers. My favorite movies are Star Wars, and I've seen of Star Trek the Next Generation, Start Trek, Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the Lord of the Rings. I was a nerd before it was cool. In fact, I practically lived at the comic book store.

Then I realized that the boys I was hanging around with were cute, got friends that were girls, discovered that boobs are not always bad, and found out what the fuck to do with my hair. My nerd qualities were tucked safely away, to revisit later. My large amount of friends in high school were cool, but not into what I was into. Micah was the best of both worlds. I could go with her to a party then go to her house and play video games. It was great.

Don't think my childhood was unsatisfactory. I did all the normal stuff girls do, mostly because my mum wanted me to to be a girly twat.

I also discovered that a lot of guys wanted a girl that doesn't freak out at odd habits or gaming and guy stuff. Due to that, I had many boyfriends and lost my virginity before a lot of popular girls with boosted egos. I've always known that guys are cool, and high school just pushed that more into my brain. But then the whole "I like you, but she's a whore. So bye," phase started and I went back to the less dramatic girl crisis of nails and boy bands.

But even since then, I've been bad at noticing when a boy is flirting with me and when he's not. So when Micah and I got home from Starbucks, our heads much clearer and Dan's cologne in my hoodie, she was a fangirl, a raging, half-pissed, half-excited fangirl.

"What the fuck was that all about?! Don't go rebounding. You need time!" she said as soon as she shut the door. I kicked off my shoes and let her run her mouth.

"I mean, you two are freaking adorable! I can't believe he likes you and it's only been a day. Holy-"

"He doesn't like me," I cut her off. "Come here, Soup," I called out to my kitten. She came silently, giving a slight purr as to ask where I've been that I couldn't give her water. I went to refill her dish as my flatmate ranted.

"Shut up. He does. He kept looking at you all cute and he laughed at your stupid mistakes and your upsetting ironic jokes. No offense. You guys totally hit it off! I didn't know you could be so social so easily."

"You make me sound like a really fun person, Micah, thank you for those compliments." sarcasm flowed out of my mouth as I set down Soup's dish, petting her as she lapped the water.

"You know what I mean. But you just got out of a relationship! You need time to heal!"

"Bit me." She scoffed. "Look, I honestly just thought we were having a normal conversation. I don't have a flirt radar in my head like most people. I can't be held responsible for half of what comes out of my mouth." Soup rubbed he head against my hand. "Who's a kitty?" I purred at her.

Micah sighed. "I know, but personally, I'm only yelling at you because I think you two are so cute and I don't want you to screw this up."

"Well if you notice me screwing up, tell me, okay? I don't want him to be like Ben. Plus he probably has a million girls lusting after him. He won't want me." My mind immediately ran to the the girls that went up and hugged him today. They were pretty, a little young, but pretty nonetheless.

"What are you talking about?! When we were in the lift, Phil kept eying you and Dan. Then Dan was all like 'Shut up'," She exclaimed. I went to the couch and laid down. I sighed. Soup jumped up on the couch and rubbed against my legs. I put Skyrim on in order to ignore Micah.

* * *

My stomach wouldn't stop making noises that were currently on a louder volume than the speakers, alerting me that there was either a- something like a monster slowly killing me from the inside out or b- I was hungry. Though the former would be the coolest thing in the world, I went with the latter.

Pausing the game, I realized that it has been about five hours and that food would be a good idea. "Micah! What do you want for dinner?" I yelled as I approached her door.

"Mac 'n cheese? I'll make it, my hand is tired from drawing anyways," she said as she stepped out of her turtle shell of a room to go investigate the boxes of macaroni and cheese. I used to eat this stuff every day when I was a little kid.

In fact, Ben asked me out by seeing if I'd like to play Super Smash Bros Brawl and eat macaroni and cheese. He really was a good guy, despite his imperfections. He knew all of my favourite things, all of my weaknesses, and all of my odd habits. He used these against me and in my favour.

That was when my eyes landed softly on the packed up boxes by the counter. I will admit it, I've been procrastinating this for quite some time now. I just didn't want to open them up. They aren't anything precious, just little stuff that I wanted with me.

"I should unpack those, shouldn't I? Micah glanced up towards my state of discomfort, standing in the middle of the hallway, my entire being was vulnerable.

"Probably," She leaned against the counter and joined my pointed look at the three small cardboard boxes. "Need some help?" I know she would have helped if I really needed it, but the tone of her voice and the fact that she went back to making dinner, just proves that it wasn't too sincere. She knew that I was the type of person to do that on my own.

"Nah, I'll get it. It won't take long." I took the boxes and a pair of scissors to the table in front of the couch. Carefully, I opened the first box marked "Moving Shit" in my messy scroll.

The container had a few stuffed animals and photographs from recent years of Micah and I so that I would have some sort of constant reminder in order to stay sane. There were Where the Wild Things Are stuffed animals from past birthdays, a stuffed Jake from Adventure Time, and a few other odd animals from various vacations. At the bottom of the first box were the random things like Sharpies and Scrabble tiles.

The second and third boxes had graphic novels and films as well as odd notebooks with old information and some CD's that were decent, but never caught on with my pleasure of music.

And it wasn't the fact that there were precious moments locked inside these boxes and it was like freaking Pandora's box or anything, but it was the thought and process of removing the items from the box. I can easily unpack, I have easily unpacked, and will probably make unpacking hassle free for the rest of my life.

I just hated the idea of redoing something that seemed to be so set in stone. I hated the idea of having to leave Ben forever. Maybe he didn't deserve me, or I didn't deserve him, or the idea of us being together was not satisfactory for whoever was up there in the clouds or down there, whatever is real.

Oddly, I'm okay with this. I feel like this was meant to happen, in an odd way. Because without our breakup, I wouldn't have met Dan due to the fact that I never leave my house. I would have been going through with a false love relationship with a man that doesn't enjoy spending time with me any more. Also, he had shitty taste in music.


	4. Four Musketeers

I sing in the shower. And I'm not the best singer, at all. So it's especially embarrassing when you have someone coming over that morning (cough Dan cough) and they walk into your apartment while you're belting out Lily Allen at 2 in the afternoon.

You see, I wasn't planning on him actually showing up for another half hour or so. So I left the bathroom with a giant t-shirt and some panties, thinking that I had time and stuff. But no, actually, I left the bathroom with greetings from Micah, as usual, and Dan. Dan. He was walking down the hallway behind Micah to her room, who was talking about how she just finished a painting this morning and she wanted to show him and Phil. Phil, by the way, was not here yet.

As soon as I opened the door to go to my room, Dan was standing right outside of it, a little surprised that someone came out of the bathroom. "I very much enjoyed your serenade," he said with a smile on his face. I blushed.

"Thank you, I tried to make it as entertaining as possible. Today's song choice was better than usual." By reflex, I tried to fix my damp and impossible hair so that I might look kind of cute today. Then I remembered that I had no pants on, which just made my cheeks pinker.

He laughed. "Oh, I bet. I'd buy your album."

"Well I should go put pants on, probably," I said. Way to make this situation not awkward, Atari. You're so good at this. Dan probably could live without my Wonder Woman panties that happened to be bright red.

He bit his lip. "Sounds like a plan. We will all be waiting for you." I slid past him to get to my bedroom. I closed the door and immediately turned on My Chemical Romance to distract from my sheer amount of awkwardness. Ahahahaaa what am I doing with my life?!

I chose a simple black Ramones t-shirt and gray skinny jeans to wear and kept my messy hair down, parted to the side with bangs that needed a trim. I know that I need to straighten but I can't be bothered.

I came out of my room to a muffled conversation about animals, probably Micah shoving her vegetarian cult down Dan's throat. Dan was sitting on the couch while Micah took her spot on the window ledge.

"What's happening?" I questioned as I went for an aluminum can of Coca Cola.

"I just found out that your flat mate is vegetarian," Dan said.

"No she's not," I said strictly.

"Then Micah has some explaining to do,"

She scoffed "Atari is just in denial."

"Micah just needs to grow some balls."

Dan laughed. "Is this going to turn into a cat fight? Because I feel like this needs to be video taped."

"Who do you think would win?" Micah asked.

"You, of course, with all of the muscle and strength you've gained from a diet with very little protein." His response made me giggle.

"What are you talking about? She obviously eats too much protein. When she's not looking, I slip bacon into her tofu. Shhhhh," I whispered loudly to him.

"Ew. Meat is so gross," she complained. "If you worked at a pet shop, you'd feel the same way. Animals have rights too!" Her little face got scrunched up a tad when she got excited.

"I'm happy that I don't. Whenever I visit you for lunch, they shove their cult lessons down my throat." I took a seat on the couch.

"Don't give in, Atari! Don't drink the Kool-Aid!" Dan joked, making me laugh.

"I'll try not to! We must save Micah from the attack! Don't do it, come towards the meat," by that point, we were practically dying of laughter at the hostile expression on the girl's face.

"At least I don't work with computer nerds who never get laid," she huffed, sticking her tongue out.

"For the record, there are a number of them that have been laid," I crossed my legs on the sofa.

"By who? You?" she asked.

"Yeah right, I'm not a whore. At least they aren't forming a cult," I responded, a smirk paying on my lips.

"They're no-"

"So, Dan, do you have any interesting people at your work?" I cut Micah off.

"Well," Dan paused, as an awkward laugh escaped his mouth. "My job is kind of hard to explain."

"Let's guess!" I exclaimed.

"Good luck." I could tell he was slightly uncomfortable.

"Okay, are you a stripper?"

"Nope. I quite that job after a particular incident," Dan winked, making me giggle quietly.

"A prostitute?"

"Yep. Obviously a prostitute. Phil is my main customer."

"I'd ship that."

"I wouldn't, but money doesn't grow on trees," Dan admitted.

Soup leaped onto my lap, and I began to pet her. "But seriously, are you a rock star? Like Hannah Montana only male? Are you an astronaut? Do you knit sweaters? What is your job?" I asked, getting frustrated.

"Are you ready?" Dan asked, a giant grin plastered on his mouth.

"Yes! Tell us."

"I'm a YouTube star, I guess you could say. I make videos that teenage girls and some boys enjoy. I'm no charlieissocoollike or anything, but a few steps down on the hierarchy scale."

"So you're saying that there are hundreds of girls wishing to be in my position? I feel so empowered just by talking to you." He laughed.

"Technically speaking, yes."

"I'm surprised I haven't recognized you, did you do one with KickthePJ? I'm a huge fan of his videos. But then again, YouTube is pretty huge," Micah commented.

"So in Starbucks, you didn't know the girls that came up to you and gave you hugs?" I asked. Quite honestly, I was a little skeptic, astonished, and not surprised all at once.

"Nope. Neither did Phil."

"You're kind of like a rock star, I guess. That was the closest guess," Micah said. I sipped my Coke.

He laughed. "I've been making videos for three years. Without bored teenagers wasting their lives on the internet, I'd be working on a law firm." I looked Dan once over, taking in Dan's straight brown hair, young brown eyes with life and excitement, long neck, proportionate shoulders that were slightly broader than mine, lightly muscled arms, Drop Dead t-shirt, jeans, and bright blue socks. To have him in a law firm would be like killing a small child.

"You don't look like a lawyer at all. I could see you as a YouTuber. I've watched DesandNate, Jenna Marbles, one or two charlieissocoollike, and Smosh, but I've never been into YouTube for more than music videos," I admitted.

"Can we watch some?" Micah asked, her face was so excited. She's like a pet in the sense that she hardly ever gets out of the house except for work. That might be a little bit of my fault, but whatever. The sun burns.

"Sure, I guess. Phil would love to show you them, I'm sure," he said. What I liked a lot about Dan is that he can be himself whenever. It seems like no matter what he does, he's always Dan. I respect that. Plus he gets so excited over small things.

"Leggo," I said, in tune with Micah. After the normal stuff, like fixing my hair to a point where it looks decent, throwing on a pinch of mascara so my eyes don't look like shit, and sliding on toms, we left.

"So you never told us about the people on the internet," I reminded him, lightly bumping his hip with mine. He laughed as we exited our apartment, going down the hall to the elevator.

"Well, they're pretty invested in the idea that Phil and I are in a sexual relationship. They ask me odd questions and tell me weird things. It's like an internet support group."

"So you're a therapist? Cause I think Atari needs one. You should hear the stuff she screams at the television at three in the morning. I wake up all the time to her screaming death wishes," Micah said.

"It's not like I want them to kill _themselves_, I just want them to stay still and let _me_ kill them," I said quietly, a blush running over my cheeks.

"Well she still needs a therapist. Plus she never leaves the house."

"The sun burns!"

Dan laughed. "Atari, the first step to recovery is denial," he said, touching my shoulder. I couldn't really think straight, from just the fact that he was actually right here. Who was Ben?

"But I don't have a problem!"

"Denial!" he exclaimed.

The lift arrived, and we boarded it, per the norm. he pressed the button for his level, all of us making faces in the reflective surface of the elevator. We got off, walked down the hall to his apartment, and let him unlock the apartment, making small talk all the while.

"So this is where we live, I guess," he said.

"You guess?" I joked, sliding off my shoes.

"Yeah, you can never be too sure. Phil, I'm here with people! Be presentable!" As he said that, the boy I met in Starbucks appeared.

"Hello, it's good to see you guys," his voice was kipper, and I saw Micah just brighten by his presence. Although she's very outgoing, she doesn't show or tell any of her crushes until she's ready to date. But by living with her for a few years now, I've gotten to know her small tenancies and habits.

"We know Dan's secret. He's a leader of a YouTube cult," I said, smiling at Phil.

"It's good to see you too, Phil." Micah is such a fangirl when it comes to boys. We walked farther into the house, taking in all of the wonders that is their house.

"Well, we shall show you his embarrassing past, in the form of videos," Phil lightly ran down the hall. I was a little nervous. I didn't want to be nothing compared to all of his fans.


	5. 5 Golden Rings

AN- okay, I do NOT know the layout of their house/apartment, so I have them in an actual apartment. Any clues on how it goes would be appreciated!

* * *

As we were watching the videos, I was enthralled. It was like he knew exactly how I felt, which is odd, because I had never met anyone that had the same notions as I did. Dan made me laugh and smile so much that I forgot about all the small upsetting things in my life. Also, the fact that we were all squished around his computer in his room, having Dan pretty much plastered to my side was just another reason that I was feeling elated.

The entire time, I kept a running commentary on all of their videos. I provided another couple of drunks (the stripper drunk, the activist drunk, and the happy drunk), told them my stories of the first time on London transport, the time I almost got killed, when people annoy me to the full extent, when I almost punched a kid for being obnoxious in the shopping center, me attempt flirting, and my own dare ideas.

But then we approached my downfall. The video was called "Gamer Girls are Hawt". I died. At first, it opened up with things like procrastination, making me feel like I was actually talking to Dan, when in reality, his arm, leg, and hip were pressed against mine. But then all Hell froze over. He started asking about video games, saying that his kind of girl was one that would cuddle up on the couch and play guitar hero with him. That was my perfect scenario when I was with Ben, though he never wanted to. He thought Guitar Hero was stupid, and that he could teach me how to play the actual thing. I smiled when I heard Dan say that to his web cam, and Micah nudged my arm, winking. I shot her a glare, and Dan took no notice (hopefully).

Then we proceeded to watch both Dan and Phil's videos. Phil was that friend that was shy about swearing, funny, and sweet. Where as Dan was the friend that was slightly abusive, funny, likes to swear, and goes hard in the video games. I couldn't help but find a slight connection to Phil and Dan with Micah and I.

I was right when I said that this was practically a cult. The people subscribed and following Dan kind of scared me. What if I ever interfered with Phan? The girls on these websites are pretty. I mean, I get that he likes video gamer girls but am I going too far in the games? Plus, I'm not as physically attractive as they are. My friends and ex-boyfriends, have told me I am, but they will tell you anything as long as it makes you happy.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not ugly. And I do like certain aspects of myself, but I compare myself to a lot of people, and I overreact. Those two do not go well together.

But as we viewed "List of reasons why I'm an awful Human Being", I realized that I wasn't the only one with flaws. And I thought each one of his imperfections only made him more perfect. I didn't care if he bit pencils, or dropped things behind things, or cracked his knuckles, or anything that wasn't "perfect". I hope that he would be okay with the way that I fidgeted with my hair, wiggled my leg up and down, picked at my nail polish, and started making odd noises when things got awkward or frustrating.

It had been about six hours of non-stop videos when our stomachs started singing harmonies with one another. We eventually made our way to the kitchen, after untangling each other from our stiff positions.

2 boxes of frozen stir fry later, we were sitting around their living room area, next to the fire place.

"You guys are actually really good as YouTubers. I can see why so many teenage girls want you two to date," I said with a smile.

"It's like Beiber Fever only worse," Micah added.

"And it's a shipping between two people."

"Well we tried that, but it didn't go over well," Phil said, a slight blush to his cheeks.

Micah and I gave them questioning looks, and Phil felt that he had to explain everything. "Well our fans have been pushing us together, the majority of the comments being about us together, and we decided that we might as well try it. Dan had just broken up with his girlfriend that wasn't treating him right, and one thing led to another while we were drinking a bit, and we kissed." The blush on their cheeks was adorable. Micah and I did a synchronized "awww".

"But then when we sobered up, we realized that we like boobs, not dick," Dan said, laughing. "But we are actually really good friends, and in a super cheesy way, I don't think that we would still be friends if we tried dating."

"I think it would be very hard," Phil said.

"That's what she said," Dan commented. I laughed and put my small hand up for a high five which he returned.

We did eventually go home to a hungry cat meowing at me to feed her. "Why does she only love you?" Micah huffed and tossed off her shoes.

"Maybe because I remember to feed her, or get someone else to feed her when I can't, where as you just let her starve." I removed my shoes and went into my room to change.

Micah and I have gotten so used to each other, it's as if we are one another's bodies. We don't close doors, we don't close windows, we don't try to hide anything from one another, and we know how we operate, no matter how odd the habits are. For instance, Micah puts her shower shit all around the bathroom. Her soap is located right next to the towel, her shampoo is by the sink, and her conditioner is right next to her razor. What?! Take me out of the oven, I'm so done.

* * *

DANS POINT OF FUCKING VIEW *explosion*

sry, couldn't make that epic enough...

I'd just like everyone to know how awkward this is to write ahahaaaaaa D:

"Micah seems cool," Phil said, smiling. I rolled my eyes as I went to go sit on the couch. I literally felt like jumping out of the window after taking to Atari. Could I be any more socially awkward?

"Yeah she does," I said as I grabbed my laptop. Would it be too soon to friend her on facebook? Ahahaa what is this nonsense?! What happened to my yolo video?

"Did you know she dyes her hair?" Phil asked, going to sit facing the television.

"Woah! No way, does she really?! I would have never imagined that a girl would dye her hair. Stop the fucking presses." I'm such a sarcastic twat.

"Hey now," Phil tried to defend himself. "She's actually a good person, who doesn't swear obnoxiously and isn't super sarcastic. Micah doesn't even eat meat because she thinks it's wrong." Okay, I'll just click... It's just friending, not anything super traumatic. No one's going to die or something.

"She doesn't eat meat! How can you live in a house without meat?!" I asked incredulously, ignoring tumblr and moving my hair out of my face.

"It's possible! And I don't have to give up meat, she still lives with Atari who eats meat," he defended himself.

"That is true. Atari is pretty cool too," I added. And I clicked "Send Friend Request" on her facebook "time line". Who even uses facebook anymore? No one, it should just end it's life. Right now. Just NO.

"Yeah, she's like you only with boobs."

"Shut up, she's more feminine than I am."

"She kept blushing." Phil nudged me.

"You're so stupid."

"Did you notice anything with Micah? She's quite cute. I like the colour of her eyes."

"I'm sure that's not the only thing you like about her." I winked and laughed. He looked kind of shocked and tried to defend himself.

"No, she's a nice person, come on."

I began to sing an unrecognizable tune whilst scrolling through tumblr and twitter. A half hour of agony and pain later, I got a response from Atari. She said yes.

Level up.

And, being the stalker that I am, I noticed that the most recent post on there was "Atari Emerson is single" with 28 likes. Does this count as another level up? I'll take it, whatever it is.

"Maybe we could have them guest star in one of our videos, Dan. Would they be into that?"

The brilliance! "That's actually a good idea." And the plotting began.

* * *

Feel free to click that sexy little button down there to tell me what you'd like in this fic. Cause I'm up to anything, babe (;


	6. 666

Daniel Howell's Point of View

ur welcum

It was an average Tuesday, and I was doing a YouNow live stream as usual. Phil was in his room, me in mine, and a ton of teens in theirs watching me derp. LOL. Questions spasticly popped up on the screen for me to answer, as they had been for the bast forty five minuets.

"Okay, um... Nicole asked me if I have a girlfriend. Wow, actually, a lot of you have been asking me this." I laughed awkwardly and fixed my hair. Atari instantly came up. It had been a week since we hung out due to timing, sleep, and procrastination. But, we've been pretty much glued to our phones when we aren't glued to various game controls. I talk to her more than I've talked to a lot of my ex-girlfriends. I don't know what it is about that girl, but she's a space invader to my mind and I'm doing nothing to stop her assault.

"Well, there is a girl, but we aren't dating or anything. She's a girl, and she's a friend. Ahahahaa I don't want you guys to hate her. She's actually really cool, I found her over the internet, she's about fifty years old. LOL just kidding, she's actually my age and lives in London. But she is really cool. I know that the majority of you have an imaginary alternative universe where Phil and I are in a sexual relationship, even though we are NOT." Should I tell the interwebs about Atari? They answered for me. There were many broken hearted emoticons, lots of Phans, and a fuck load of questions about the mystery girl.

"So, I guess you guys want to know about her? Okay, I'll give you the sparknotes on her. She's beautiful in a modest hipster way, quite a bit shorter than me, and so nice and funny. She plays video games all the time, makes good food, and is interesting to talk to." I laughed at some of the questions.

Some said, "She better fucking swear, otherwise I don't approve." "Half of me is team Phan the other is you and this girl" "She better treat you right!" "Does she have YouTube?" "It's me, right?" and "Can I be her?"

"Okay, I'll let you guys guess her name. Hint, it's super unique and has 2 a's in it." The answers were so ridiculous that I would literally pay to see someone name their child this. Some were Placenta, Allay, Bubittaa, CocaCola, Maltesears, AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, aasdfghjkl, and many many other horrific ones. Oh, the internet is an interesting place. Then, miraculously, someone posted Atari.

"You guessed it, Jennifer L, her name is... Atari! Please don't hate her, guys, I'll give you hugs and rainbows if you're nice to her. She's actually really epic and I don't want you guys to fuck this up for me. That means you!" I pointed at the camera and fixed my hair.

Then the viewers started pouring in comments, sending hearts, proposing, and taking pictures. Ah, the joys of YouNow.

"You should have her on a video!" "Make a video with her" "Go get her" "Let's meet her" "What the fuck is her YouTube?!" "Make a cute video" "Ask her out!" and too many suggestions to make videos with her.

"I've actually been considering asking her to make a video with me, but I don't want the comments to hate on her, because I know that some of you will be totally against it. I've had girlfriends while being on YouTube, but never really let them meet you guys because I'm too afraid you'll hate on them. But for this girl, I would literally move far far away and live in a cave to never make a video ever again if you guys hated her."

They mostly promised to contain themselves, along with the few goodbyes and "I have to pee" comments left my girls. I don't think I'll ever fucking understand the female mind.

* * *

Old School Atari POV

December is honestly the only month that I actually keep track of the days. Thank you, Advent calenders, your chocolate makes me happy and motivated to get off my ass and get to sleep. I love love love having them before bed. It just makes me a happy duck. So after the small chocolate shaped like a face of an old man with a beard, I changed into a giant Muse t-shirt, disregarded pants, and climbed into bed.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, my phone rang. Dan, of course. "Hello?" I mumbled into the metal electronic. I rolled onto my side, getting a view of the clock that said 4:37 am.

"Hey Atari, it's Dan," he said. I laughed.

"No shit, Sherlock. Why are you still awake?

"Oh, did I wake you up? I'm so sorry!"

"It's nothing, I'll just stay awake for ever and never sleep. You cause me so much agony and pain," sarcasm flowed out of my mouth and he made a little cry of sadness. "I'm kidding! Don't die!"

He laughed. "I won't. I'm literally nocturnal. Okay, so I have an idea for my next video. Would you be willing to be in it?" he asked.

"Sure. What's it about?" Maybe I was getting myself into a terrible situation, but I was too tired and not quite in the right mind set.

"I'll tell you tomorrow when I figure everything out. I'll be over once you are ready in the morning, okay?" he asked. I liked his sleepy night time voice. Maybe it was my half-asleep mind, but his voice was literally the equivalent of sex.

"Mkay. Please tell me what it's about so I know what to wear tomorrow or what to prepare myself for."

"Nah. I don't think I should."

"Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssseeee ?"

"Nope!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No."

"Pretty pretty please with Maltesers, an attractive person, and a fuck load of frosting on top?"

"Mayyyyybe."

"with Delia Smith."

"Hmm... Is she baking?"

"Yes. Brownies and cookies and foody stuff with pretty cows and rainbows."

"Wow, you are really tired aren't you?"

"Maybe just a little."

I liked the way that he laughed through the phone. "Okay, I'll tell you. It's about understanding the female mind. Because a lot of my viewers are female, and weird, I thought I'd try to figure out what your species does. But that's all I'm telling you," Dan said.

"Okay, well I'm going to go to sleep now. You can either stay on the phone or do the smart thing and go to bed." I yawned and cuddled farther into the depths of my bed.

"I'll let you go sleep. Tomorrow shall be a good day!" He hung up, I tossed the phone aside, and fell asleep.

* * *

Dan's Point of View because I like to change things up

I was walking down the hallway, singing a tired song on the way to Micah and Atari's apartment. Though it was one in the morning, Micah told me that Atari would be asleep for quite some time, though she herself was going to work. I turned on the camera, whispering to it.

"So today, I'm going to go sneak into Atari's apartment and capture her while she sleeps. Wahahaahaaaaaaaa." I approached her door.

"Her flatmate actually left it unlocked so that I could get in. Good going Micah!" I opened to door, trailing the portable camera with me. Like a smart person, I was dressed and ready.

"Shh. She's still asleep, otherwise you'd hear yelling at the television or some hipster music playing loudly," I whispered to the camera. Carefully, I opened the door to her room after traveling down the short hall.

When I entered, I knew what her room looked like, but never her asleep. "Oh geez, guys, I don't know if I can wake her up. Look how peaceful she is!" Her cat, Soup meowed at me. I zoomed in on her pretty face with dark waves falling over her pillow and shoulder. Atari breathed deeply in and out. "How do I wake her up? Atari," I said in my normal volume, lightly shaking her shoulder. She mumbled incoherently and turned around, totally disregarding all of the blankets on her bed.

Super awkwardly, she was without pants, so I trained the camera on her messy hair. "Atariiiiiii," I yelled. She didn't do anything. "Guys, I could be a serial killer and she would never even notice. Dieeee, dieeeeee," I zoomed the camera in and out. "Soup, help me!" the cat did nothing, only jumped off the bed and left the room. So, taking the opportunity when given to me, I sat on the bed next to her, jumping up and down on my knees. "Atari! Wake the fuck up!"

This did finally get her attention, and she woke up, giving me a death glare. I almost literally died. "What the fuck do you need? It's like one in the morning. Go awaaaaayyyyyyyyy." She raked her fingers through her messy mane of hair. "Dan I look gross when I wake up."

"You look fine, sleepy head. The internet needs you!"

"You're insane," she said with a yawn. "Just let me put on pants. I'll meet you out in the kitchen.

"Yay! We've finally captured her!" And then she climbed back into bed. Sigh. This is going to be a long day. "Note one, they need their sleep." Atari gave me the finger.


	7. Wake Me When September Ends

Rubbing my eyes, I left my room to go to the kitchen. Dan was standing at the counter with a camera trained on me.

"It has risen!" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Not when it wanted to. Thanks for nothing," I said as I pulled out a bowl, cereal, and a coffee mug.

"Yikes, our specimen is very testy when waking up." I chuckled and yawned.

"Since this is a video about understanding the female mind, you better start taking notes and calling me by my name." I poured some Shreddies into a bowl and grabbing some milk to let them swim around in.

"Hey, you're my bitch, not the other way around."

"I beg to differ. I am the female, we are always right," I said as I poured some coffee into a mug. "This is going on your test, Dan, get on it."

"No! I hate tests!"

"And if you fail this, I'll hack into your YouTube." I winked and sat on our couch.

"Really? What's my password, then?" He sat down on the chair across from me.

"EdwardStyles69, right?"

"Dammit. What is this witchcraft?!"

"Girls can read minds. That will be on the test." I smiled, still super tired.

"Okay, so what are you eating for breakfast?" Dan asked,moving closer to see the little pieces floating around in the milk, and coffee with a bit of cream and sugar so it doesn't taste like ass.

"Is this part of the analysis?" I questioned after eating the cereal in my mouth.

"Yes! I must know this if I'm ever going to write a book about it and become a millionaire."

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and replied. "Well, I've been saving up my salary for a WiiU and Christmas presents, but found out last night from my younger brother that it's actually my present from my parents. He's seventeen and going to graduate this year, so that makes him very bad at keeping secrets and being subtle. But now I have moneys for things! I guess I'll go with you, since Micah doesn't get home for a while." I let out a sigh.

"So I'm not your first option?!"

"Nope. Sorry."

"I'm so upset!"

* * *

"Dan, I need to take a shower," I said as I monuvered around him to the bathroom. Dan followed, filming the entire time. "Why are you filming?"

"Well, I'm coming in too, right?" he asked, trying to open the door I was closing.

I sighed, hoping that he was kidding. "Dan! Even if I let you in, you wouldn't film it!"

"So I get to take a shower with you?"

"No!" I was laughing at his pathetic attempt.

"But I need to know about the females!" I closed the door on his face. Secretly, I would have been more than okay with him joining me.

* * *

As soon as I shut off the water, I heard him shout, "Can I come in yet?"

"No! I have to get dressed!" I yelled back.

"It's just thousands of people on the internet!"

"No!" I changed quickly into today's clothing; a faded black Avengers t-shirt with a studded collared shirt underneath, a red and white varsity jacket over both, faded grey jeans, and studded converse. I smeared some eye liner and mascara on my eyes, before opening the door. "Now you can come in." He did, pointing the camera at the mirror. I made a very attractive derp face.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Atari!" he announced. I bowed in front of the mirror. Dan was only about 8 cm taller than me, but the perfect height nonetheless. He made me feel protected, trusted. I appreciated that feeling more than anything else. I scrunched up the loose curls on my head, letting them naturally crimp.

* * *

As Dan and I walked outside, we noticed that it was snowing, getting small flakes of frozen water on our heads and creating a blanket of white over the buildings. Thank God that I didn't wear my ruined toms. The few trees in central London looked like yoghurt-covered pretzels, the snow exposing the rich brown underneath.

"So, do all women like winter? Isn't that like a female season?" Dan asked me after I told him that it was beautiful outside.

"No! Not at all! We don't all share the same favourites, Dan." I laughed, slightly amused. I huddled closer into my jacket, shielding from the droplets of snow.

"Do you like winter? I am trying to understand your complicated brain." He moved the camera closer to my face and I giggled.

"I like Christmas and New Years, but that's it. Everything after that is just cold and annoying and lonely. I only have OTP's to keep me happy." Our feet were in synch as we walked down the slushy pavement.

"Don't all girls like Valentine's Day though?" he said, puzzled. "That's the entire reason for it's existence."

"No. So many women hate Valentine's Day! It' so stupid and pointless. You should be treated right every day, not just once a year. Plus, there are five single women to every girl in a relationship. It's so pointless," I scoffed. "Oh, shit. I needed to go into this store." I tugged on Dan's free hand to come with me. He followed, chuckling.

"What are you looking for?" Dan asked as we ignored the perky salespeople.

"A non-shitty Christmas present for a seventeen year old guy," I replied, searching through the men's store.

"Besides a prostitute?"

"Well I tried that last year, but my grandma wasn't too pleased."

"Dammit. So do girls think about sex as much as guys?" When he saw the look I was giving him, he explained. "Well, I'm trying to understand what's inside here." He tapped my head.

"Oh yeah, we just never stop thinking about sex, obviously. That's why we spend so much time in the bathroom," I said sarcasticaly.

"Part of the mystery is solved!" Dan cried out, getting many odd looks.

* * *

We left the store with an amazing shirt and boxers with the English flag on them, figuring he'd get a kick out of it. As we exited , the wind had increased, the temperature dropping.

"I'm a hungry person. Where is food?!" Dan wondered.

"I don't know! I've only been in England for a little while!"

"And you still sound American. Do an English accent for the camera!"

"Ello! I drink tea and chew crumpets, govna! My cah is not in the garage, it is on the pavement. I run on the cross trainer with trainers on my feet and dummy in the baby's mouth."

"You what?!"

"Isn't that what you go around saying?"

"Not in that order!"

"Well, I still have a much better American accent than you. Yours sucks, no offence."

"I am offended. So let's go eat. Do girls like to eat? Is that something your species does often?"

I facepalmed. "Just end your life. I am judging you so hard right now."

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"Take that as a fuck yes." We entered a chain restaurant that's cheap, and not beyond fatty like the majority of fast food places that I'm used to.

* * *

While we were eating, Dan decided it would be a perfect time to tweet about food, me, and the meaning of life. So now, on Dan's twitter, that's being trolled by many teenage girls (okay, I may have started following him...) my face is all over, Kirby cheeks, and double chins, as well as me attempting to eat my food.

He finally turned on the camera after we paid for the meal (splitting the bill).

"So how was the food?" Dan asked as we walked down the pavement.

I sighed contently. "My tummy was making the rumblies that only the best hands could satisfy." He laughed. "How were yours?"

"Well, I'm not usually a guy who enjoys hands, but those were particularly perfect. If only you'd let me pay."

"Hey, girls feel awkward when guys pay for all of it. You bought your hands, I bought mine."

"True. I'm glad that we didn't go through with the feet for dessert."

"Yeah, that might have been a little to much human for one day."

"Agreed."

* * *

"Why are you filming? You're my bitch, I'm not yours!" Dan said as we entered the book store in search for my mum's Christmas present.

"Because I'm a girl!"

"What?! No, that's not a good reason," Dan said, trying to retrieve the camera and failing horribly.

"Hey, do you have boobs? No? I win."

"I could if I wanted to. Just give me your socks and bam! I've got it," Dan joked, having given up on the camera.

I laughed and pointed the device at Dan who was posing like some sort of demented female. "This is going on tumblr, you know."

"Oh God, what has happened to my life?! No wonder why I'm single," he said. I bit my lip in order to stop my thoughts of us being a couple form turning into noise.

* * *

"Do you think my mum would like a book on how to catch the biggest fish? Or is this book on the anatomy of a male more suitable?" I asked Dan.

"I like this bottle of lotion marked 'body lubrication'," he said, which, like the mature adults we were, got us both laughing. "Lubricate, lubricate." He did a weird grindy-type dance.

We decided on a book of stupid gaming cheats as a joke and a mug shaped like a camera lens.

* * *

"Look at all the candy! This place is fucking massive!" I said as I entered the sweets store that Dan showed me for choosing my father's present.

"We call them 'sweets' over here, Atari," he said.

"But look at this! Do they have American sweets too? I miss Recess and the bags of special Jelly Belly's." This store was the fucking shit. I could literally live in here. "It's like I'm in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! Take me out of the oven, I'm so fucking done.

"How happy are you from a scale of 1 to 10?"

"A million and sixty nine." He laughed and we walked around sculptures made of candy, walls piled with candy, the boxes of sweets stacked on top of each other. "Dan, when you get a girlfriend, take her here. If she doesn't like it, dump her."

"So that's the ultimate test? Just forget other things like qualities or anything?"

"Yes. This is the only thing that matters. Ever. HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE DISNEY KINDER EGGS HOLY FUCKING CUNT. Oops, that mum just shunned me over there. But Dan, look!" I ran over to them, Dan close behind.

"So do all girls like Disney?"

"Dan, every girl is different, although, we do tend to like the Disney Precesses and old films. Nothing new, though. Disney has become such a sell out."

"Who's your favourite princess?' I showed him an egg with Ariel on it.

"Her, of course! She's pretty and whimsical, and fights for what she wants. Plus, Prince Eric is my favourite prince."

We continued searching through the stores, finding the most exotic sweets for my father who I knew would appreciate them.

* * *

Dan and I were walking around central London when the snow stopped and the wind got worse. In fact, as he was filming, a gust of wind moved me closer to Dan, where both of our bodies were pressed against each other in an awkward, yet comfortable position.

We blushed and pulled away from each other, reluctantly. This seemed to make the gods very angry, as if we were calling it names. So they decided to retaliate by throwing more wind our way every time we were more than a few inches away from one another.

Dan settled with putting his arm around my shoulder, doing a selfie with the camera. My cheeks were pink, but I blamed it on the cold.

We laughed at the wind as we entered the clothing store, hoping to find something for both Micah and my grandmother. Kill me now.

"Look, Dan! Your wife!" I stood next to a headless mannequin with green plastic and some sort of... dress... on. "She looks like your type."

"Oh, yeah. Just what I'm into." He said, with a look of mock attraction. I took the camera from him to film him winking and awkwardly touching the figure. The looks on the faces of passing customers made me try to hide my snickers.

* * *

After about an hour of looking through all 3 stories of the building, we found a beautiful scarf with the English flag on it for my gmaw, a sweater with kitted cats all over it (100% organic fancy cotton shit) with matching crotched knee high socks that she would wear it all the time, a star sweater from the used clothing section (for me, couldn't pass it up), and an old Nintendo 64 game. My life is complete.

When we left the store, the wind had gone down to a light breeze that only slightly altered my bangs. I walked along side Dan, as he continued to film.

"So, Atari, what do girls think about on a daily basis?"

"Besides killing people we don't like and attractive guys?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Umm... Well I know that I sing songs in my head, think about unicorns, glitter, shoes, purses, and pretty little dolls all the time. Oh, and gossip. I just love hearing about drama. Rumours are great too."

"No ideas on how to slowly torture men or anything?" I gave him a look, my eyebrows raised in question. "Not like that! God, get your head out of the gutter!"

We crossed the street quickly, just barely avoiding getting squished. In all honesty, I wasn't used to the backwards way of driving these people did. It's the RIGHT side, _not _the left.

"So I asked people on twitter to give me some questions. Okay, CodyIsNotAmazing asked 'what do you look for in a friend?'," Dan asked as we approached Starbucks.

"Nice, good listener, likes to kill people, does illegal things, runs out of their normal nessesities and makes me go get them, comes in late at night, bothers me, wakes me up rudely, you know, the usual things. The have to like brand names, bunnies, and Mean Girls 2." I'm such a sarcastic twat.

* * *

Inside Starbucks with our coffee, Dan sitting comfortably in the chair across from mine, I was seated with folded legs underneath me and my jacket strung over the back of the chair.

Dan took out his fancy phone, snapped a picture of me drinking coffee. "What was that?!" I asked incredulously.

"I just posted you on twitter again. Don't worry, it's just a ton of teens." Dan smiled for the thousandth time, the butterflies just as prominent as the first time, fluttering in my stomach.

"What did you say about it?" I asked.

"That I was at Starbucks with my friend shooting the video for Friday, just the usual. Also that you're insane and I helped you escape from jail."

"There is no fucking way that's under 140 characters." Dan laughed at my response.

"So, Atari, picahchoooooo asked if all girls are obsessed with vampires or werewolves."

"Obviously! I just love a man that's cold, sparkling rock that sucks blood. Hnnnng." I tried my most American valley girl voice that I could generate.

Dan chuckled. "outofthegerardway asked why girls always check their reflections and mess with their hair."

"We have to look our very best if like One Direction like walked in." After that, I broke my poker face and couldn't stop laughing. When I laugh like that, I hiccup and snort. Usually, I'm able to keep that to a minimum, but in this case, I just couldn't.

Cost of the coffee: $4.50

Cost of sweater to keep warm: $10

Cost of Dan's face? Priceless.

And honestly, I couldn't help but love it.

AN- I'm sixteen, mother fuckers!


	8. Ate

"How was your date?" Micah asked as soon as I got into the door. I could hear her playful voice calling out from the kitchen. I kicked off my shoes and threw the bags into my room then moved to go to the living room.

"It wasn't a date." My voice was monotone, trying not to smile. Is it bad that I wished it was a date? It hadn't even been five minuets without him near me, and I wanted to talk to him. When I turned the corner, I saw her childish face with a smile plastered on it.

"Suuuuuuure. You so like him!" Micah makes me a happy duck. I love living with her because she is always so cute and young, yet she can definitely be an independent black woman when she wants to, which I find funny because she is the palest girl I've ever seen.

"So? That doesn't mean it was a date. We are just adults going shopping for Christmas presents."

"Oooooooo are you going to get one for him?" Today must have been a good day at her job, otherwise she'd be pissed.

"I don't know! We just met. Should I? I haven't known him for a while. That would be awkward." What if he gets me one? Then I should get him one. But I don't know if getting him one will mean that we have something. Plus I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.

"Well if you find something funny that you know he would like and it's inexpensive, then get it for him!" Micah was sitting cross legged on the floor, playing Pokemon on her GameBoy, paying no attention to the furniture specially designed for sitting.

"That's true. So how was your day?" I grabbed my laptop and sat on the couch, the computer on my lap.

"Phil visited me! He said he was bored and wanted a pet, but Dan wouldn't let him get one. He spent a lot of the time making me explain all of the fish and small animals. You know how we are part of the humane society over here? Well he asked if he could see some of the animals. He likes cats and dogs. I think he's cute." I was smiling at Micah. I knew that she would spill her feelings eventually.

"You could get him a fish!" I said, excited for her.

"Yeah! And you could get Dan a little Pokeball with a note that says 'I choose you' and then ask him out!"

"No. I am not asking him out. I have more important things to deal with. Like the fact that Ben dumped me and I don't want to see my father back home. Plus I don't know if I can be without you for about five days. I don't want to deal with rejection on top of all of that." I've always been a kind of girl that doesn't ask out guys, but usually says yes when guys ask me out.

"He won't say no!" She mumbled something at the controller in her hand. With that, I dove deep into the world of plane tickets to America.

I don't want to go. I don't. It's not like I don't like America, but I don't want to have to spend a ton of time telling my father about how logical video game design is. I don't want to have to talk.

My high school friends and younger brother are the reasons that I am happy to return to Dubuque, Iowa. I honestly miss Oliver, Matt, Justin, Austin, John, Anna, Sam, Chance, and Drew. They were my friend group of misfits. Unlike myself, they all decided to stay in our hometown forever.

I'm the kind of person that likes giving gifts instead of getting them. For example, on my birthday, I'd rather give my friends presents instead of receiving them. Christmas is both my friend and my enemy. My parents and grandparents seem to think that all of the holidays ever should all have presents open on Christmas. All of them. I used to get a freaking Easter basket on Christmas.

I guess this is because I couldn't return home for every single holiday, but I refused to base it on only one reason. My parents aren't religious, and were beyond rebellious into their twenties when they had me, so all of the holidays, no matter what religion they are, are shoved into one day; Christmas.

I wouldn't be leaving for another week, but I was dreading it already. I knew that I should be packing, but I went to go play the most recently assigned video game; Nintendogs. Que shudder. This was honestly torture. I didn't want to play this! My review was going to be a little biased, and I should probably let them know.

The worst part of this game was that I could take it with me, one of the reasons that they gave it to me over the traveling amounts of time. What was the point of this game? To pet and bathe dogs? Why don't you just buy a real dog? Yes, I did include that in my paperwork.

* * *

"So, I think that we should do a secret Santa type thing with Dan and Phil and maybe some of our other friends," Micah suggested over a dinner of pizza from a place down the road.

"My friends are broke. You'll get hug coupons and bits of lint from their pockets," I said.

"So are mine. But what about Dan and Phil?"

"That makes four of us. But if you can convince them than I guess it's all good. But twenty dollar limit, okay?" And that was when we settled on Secret Santa. Oh the joys.

Micah then proceeded to call Phil and discuss this entire thing, giving me updates while I sat and endured torturous minuets playing Nintendogs. It's not even on my 3DS, it's on my DS. That's not new! Thank you, oh fantastic work. You can tell it's designed for young girls.

"Okay, so we are drawing names tomorrow when you go over to finish editing with Dan. He needs you to do a few more shots and stuff." When Micah told me that, the phone pressed to her ear and the mouth piece away, her little face in concentration, I decided what I would do as revenge for yesterday.

* * *

The next morning I got up at a record of 10 am to go over to Phan's house (cute, I know). Since filming would inevitably happen today, I wore deep purple leggings with a plaid button down with a black t-shirt that had a lion and a nebula on underneath it. I actually straightened my hair and took time to fix my face. I will admit that it wasn't because the internet would see me, it was because I wanted to look close to as pretty as the girls that were already on the internet were.

I slid on my toms and left, letting Micah know where I was going so she didn't think that I ran away.

When I got there, I knocked softly on the door, waiting for Phil to answer. He did, greeting me. "Hey Atari. Dan is sleeping, but come in. Do you want coffee?"

"That would be perfect. How mad would Dan be if I woke him up?" I asked, following him into the kitchen.

"Well, not too mad. He'd probably go back to sleep though," Phil said, quietly going to the coffee maker to pour me a cup. "Do you want sugar or cream?"

"Sure, whatever is a good cup of coffee is fine with me. I might wake up Dan soon. Did he tell you that he did that to me? It was torture." We went to sit down on his couch.

Phil laughed. "I'd hate that! He's so mean to you!"

I smiled and replied after taking the mug into my hand. "He's rather nice! I mean, he would have had to wake up early in order to wake me up early, so I guess its a loose loose situation."

He agreed. "Is Micah awake yet?"

"Yeah, she wakes up relatively early, especially for her job. She told me you came in yesterday."

"I want a pet so badly! But Dan won't let us have one. It would have to be super small for the regulations of the apartment building."

"There are fish, right? We have Soup who is a good little cat."

"Doesn't Soup hate Micah?"

"No! Micah hates my Soup. Soup is such a nice cat, Micah just never feeds her. I think she hasn't gotten over when she scratched up one of her favourite stuffed animal when we first got her."

"Micah is so funny. She told me this elaborate story that Soup had it out for her misfortune."

I laughed. "She's a great person, but a little dramatic at times."

"She's really nice. And she has really pretty eyes." Phil was blushing.

Okay, I know I shouldn't have been playing cupid, but have you seen them?! They're meant to be. "Yeah she is. I'm going to go wake up Dan now. Micah should be coming over sometime later in the day, she isn't quite all the way awake yet though."

"Okay! Do you know which one it is?"

"Yep!" I set down the coffee cup and moved through the flat to Dan's room. The door opened slowly and gave me a view of a clean room with nerdy teenage boy things. The black and white covers were bunched around a sleeping form with bare shoulders and wavy dark brown hair.

He turned over, showing his sleeping face. I swear, everything looks adorable when sleeping. But since Dan was adorable before he was asleep, he was the most perfect thing ever when he was unconscious. I started to feel guilty about waking him up, that is until I remembered that he did the same to me.

Slowly, I walked over to Dan, perfectly in slumber. I carefully knelled down next to his bed and poked him. "Dan." He didn't respond. "Dan." I shook his shoulder. No response. "Daaaannnn." I ruffled his hair. Again, nothing. "Dan!" I yelled.

He pulled the covers up and mumbled something about how I should go away.

"Dan, I'll touch your neck."

"No you won't." He mumbled. So, like the girl that I am, I touched his neck.

His response was perfection. Dan jumped up and moved away from my hand, with a look of utter surprise. A giant smile was plastered on my face. "That was not fair. Not a good way to wake up. Asldkfjpawoei" Dan said.

I was laughing to a point where I wasn't making any noise and tears clouded my vision. So the next thing I knew, my sides were being poked continuously by Dan. Small squeaks escaped my mouth as I fell onto the bed.

"I give up! Aahahaha stop," I giggled, crawling into a ball to protect myself from him. That doesn't sound right.

He did stop though, and that was when we noticed the position we were in. Like the socially awkward people we are, we just kind of let the silence linger as we saw that he was knelling over me shirtless on his bed. So I took the liberty of sitting up in a regular seating position, making slightly less odd. But part of me wanted to stay in the comfort of his arms and handsome self.

* * *

"So, in this video, I had my friend Atari help me with understanding the female mind. Atari!" I came into the shot, waving.

"Hello!" I said.

"I hope you know that everything that we filmed and will be filming shall be seen by millions of people all over the internet."

"I accept the mission."

"So let's go on adventures!"

"It all started on a dark and stormy night."

"What? No, it didn't, Atari, don't lie to the internet."

"Okay, so our story starts out on a cold snowy morning." And that is how the final edit of our video started out.

Then he coaxed me into the "sexy end screen dance". So awkwardly, we both did this odd sexy dance with our hands on our hips, thrusting at the camera as I did Dan's usual monologue about subscribing. "Um, hello, if you would like to see more videos by Dan, then there is the link on Dan's hips. I've been forcibly dragged into doing this dance. Help me. If you would like to see the bloopers, then click on my more attractive hips."

"Hey! I'll make you dance more!"

"Help! Someone call 999!"

And that was how it ended. Though it was odd to be thrusting next to Dan, it was actually quite funny and took about ten takes to get it right.

* * *

We were all sitting around Phan's living area with Micah and a hat with all of our names on a piece of paper.

"So how does this work?" Phil asked.

"You've never done this?! Micah asked, her mind blown. I was in momentary shock.

"No, never. Secret Santa?" Dan said, as if it was blasphemy.

"Yeah! You put your name on a piece of paper and then put them all in a hat and choose one, but you can't tell them. We used to do this all the time in high school." Micah explained, writing all of our names on paper slips. "Then you get them a present that's less than twenty dollars."

"So it's that easy? But when will we all be together to give each other the presents?" Phil asked, seated next to Micah who was sitting next to me sitting next to Dan.

"I don't know! Sometime! New Years!" We all agreed to 2013 as the official present trade off day.

Then the drawing began.

Phil took one, asked "If you get yourself, do you have to put it back?" Micah laughed and replied with a yes, so he shyly put the paper back in and took a different one. Dan drew one, hiding it from me when I tried to get a glimpse of the name, then Micah, and then myself. And who did I get? Dan.


	9. Sixty 9

IT'S TWO AM AND SHE CALLS ME CAUSE I'M STILL AWAKE CAN YOU HELP ME I'M OFF ON MY LATEST MISTAKE. I DON'T LOVE HIM. WINTER JUST WASN'T MY SEASON. ASDKFAWDFAD I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS. But anywho, it's the day after the end of the world and I spent it online... way to be. Way to be. Sigh. I'm tired. Sorry if it's shit. Yadayada etc etc. Love you all. Don't hate me.

* * *

Though we expected to be gone in only an hour or so, we started talking. Usually that is never a good thing for those who work the next day. Topics breeze by as quickly as the time, making waking up the next morning (cough Micah cough) a very difficult and horrific process.

"Amy is so much better as a companion than Rose," Dan said.

"What?! No! Rose was so much better. But I do like Matt Smith as the doctor," I argued. Phil and Micah were playing Mario Kart as Dan and I talked about Doctor Who. Sorry if this isn't as sluttish as everyone wanted.

"But Amy was so bad ass! Plus she had Rory. He was cool. And their back story was more powerful and fantastic! Her back story makes more sense where Rose was just in the right place at the right time."

"No! Amy was not as bad ass as Rose. Rose just took initiative and left her pussy boyfriend to go on otherworldly adventures."

"It was just a coincidence. Plus she went back to the boyfriend which shows how stupid she was."

"Amy was just as idiotic, if not more. She was too cocky and cried too much. Amy was too preoccupied with her husband to even notice the time and world changing around her."

"But she had Matt freaking Smith!"

"So?! She pretty much took all of her fun time to look after Rory. Rose was bad ass and care about everyone, not just her little love life."

"Guys! Calm yourselves! Who wants to play Mario Kart?" Phil announced from his spot next to Micah.

"Me! Hand me a controller," I said, trying to focus on the screen and not the limited space between Dan and myself that was slowly decreasing.

* * *

Micah's Point of View

(new addition, right? Hopefully it will be in character...)

When I mentioned to Atari that I thought Phil was cute, it was an understatement. He was perfect. We went late into the night talking about anything and everything. I told him about my awkward experiences as a teen, my dislikes and likes, and love for animals but hate for Soup.

"Have I told you about my chat logs that I found?" Phil asked as we were sitting in his room, the computer facing us. In the background, we could hear the frustrated cries from Atari and Dan. Not like that, guys! They were playing Sonic.

"No! Show me!" So he opened up the video, making us laugh. "I think people should stop with the labels" made me laugh. So this is the seventies? He was so cute! LOL.

I was giggling and hiding my face with my hands, as though I was embarrassed for him. Look at Phil! Aha :D

"That is so perfect!" I exclaimed, as Phil smiled at me.

"Me and my ex-girlfriend got together and broke up on MSN, too. It was terrible, we were so awkward. She apparently cheated on me too. I was so possessive! And such a little boy."

I laughed. "That sounds terrible!"

"She totally forgot me me for two days! Then I tried to make her jealous." He sighed, laughing to himself.

We spent the rest of the time being children and playing stupid drawing games, looking up odd things online, and talking about Death Note.

I yawned as Phil asked what time it was. "It's... um, holy crap its one am! I have to work tomorrow. That sucks."

"Well, let's go then!"

"Yes!"

We walked out into the living area from the hallway to find Doctor Who playing softly on the television with Atari and Dan asleep on the couch. It was the cutest thing ever. They were both leaning against each other, eyes closed. Atari was in her usual fetal position, propped up on Dan's shoulder who had his head against Atari's.

"Should we wake them up?" Phil asked.

"They're so cute together! We can't interrupt that."

"But... Well, I guess you're right. They're only sleeping."

"Well I'd hope so." I giggled as he playfully hit my arm.

* * *

Old School Style

(aka- Atari)

Is it bad that when I woke up with an arm around my waist in a place that I didn't usually sleep with someone spooning me, the only question that I asked myself was if Soup got fed. So, naturally, I turned around to face the person and went back to sleep.

That was when I realized exactly where I was. Dan was asleep with his arm around me. We were on his couch in his apartment. I could smell the cologne that he wore frequently, making me want to go back to sleep and pretend that I didn't wake up.

Then Phil was all like, "Atari! Finally, one of you is awake. I couldn't wake you guys up, he hasn't been sleeping very well lately and I didn't want to be rude and wake you up." This woke Dan up, stretching before noticing that I was next to him. I awkwardly rolled off the couch, hitting the floor rather hard. Dan laughed weakly. I honestly didn't want to leave him though. It was warm and comfortable, not to mention that it was as if he was meant to fit right next to me. NOT LIKE THAT... well, at least I don't think so.

"My neck hurts like hell." I rubbed it and shook out my hair.

"That's probably because we slept on the arm rest."

"Maybe. Aww shit. I have to pack soon for Amrka," I said, mocking my own country.

"Come on, it's not that bad over there. Plus you have Christmas!" Phil said.

Dan sat up on the couch as I stood up.

"No, I get Easter, Christmas, my birthday, and Thanksgiving all packed into a very short visit. I usually have to add an entirely empty bag to my packing for new presents."

"But presents are so fun!" Dan said.

"What do you want for Christmas, anyway?" Phil asked.

"Something that I'll actually use. I'm so sick of getting things that I would never even think of having. Why would someone get me a stupid t-shirt when they could get me a freaking pokeball. That would be super cool. Or an old Play Station game, maybe a new Game Cube controller. Or a freaking gift card to Starbucks. You know?"

Dan and Phil gave each other looks, making me think that one of them was my secret Santa. Oh yay, more presents.

That night, I couldn't sleep well. Have you ever tried something so fantastic (like a cupcake of magical unicorn tears and baby laughter) that average things (like a store bought cupcake of plastic) just ends up seeming like shit in comparison? That was what it felt like to sleep alone. I didn't like how cold the other side of my bed was. I didn't like how the pillow next to me had no dents. I didn't like how large the bed felt without another body to be in it.

My mind started wondering. I know that he uploaded the video today, and I wasn't sure how I would look. Did I come off as a whore? Did I seem like a bitch? Anxieties started climbing the walls of my brain, multiplying like parasites.

And what about my feelings towards Dan? Should I go for it? It's so close to my last breakup. This might just be rebound, and he deserves better. How awkward would it be if we broke up and lived in the same building? What if I trust him with secrets? I don't like when people hold things above my head.

Yet I've never been in this kind of situation where all I wanted to do was listen to his stories of him as an awkward teen, as a child, and with his friends. He had this way of being so perfectly sarcastic, yet amazingly proper that I can't. I just can't. And he's super fucking attractive.

But still, as I finally fell asleep, I couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness, something I never got after being with Ben. I wanted a man's arm around me, slight snores pouring into my ear. And I wanted them to be Dan's.

* * *

Dan etc etc etc

YouTube has always been a safe haven for me. I've watched more videos than I have subscribers, I have become familiar of the depths of YouTube, been to the 438th page, descovered random boys and girls that made parodies of past fads, songs to maths equations, and ones with high teens drinking Coke to indie music.

I'm honoured to be a well-known video maker, but don't personally believe that I'm anything special. That's why I went for females that aren't especially fascinated with me before we met. Now, I'm all for internet strangeness, but the obsessed fangirls all over aren't what I want in a girlfriend. Does that make me selfish or something? The only thing keeping me away from Atari is the fangirls.

Atari is as wondrous as one person can possibly be. She's funny, sarcastic, into video games and Doctor Who, as well as absolutely attractive. The best thing, though? She doesn't seem to care what other people think.

I know that I should be going to bed, but I was too involved in the conversations under the video. A shit storm is going down in the comments. There were an overwhelming amount, some filled in the blanks of women's thoughts, some about how I looked "sexy", a lot about a thing called "Dantari", and enough anti-Atari to make me worry. I continued to worry until I saw the amount of them were flagged for spam. The top one was "stop being obnoxious. You're jealous. Get over yourself and get off the internet. Go home, you're drunk. How old are you anyway? 12?", making me smile, content as I closed my laptop.

But as I fell into slumber, I wouldn't quite get there. A video game girl attacked my mind. But honestly, I wished she was here to be my Space Invader.

* * *

Atariiiiii

A high pitched scream made me alert and happy to abandon this stupid game that I'm almost done with. The graphics aren't shitty, but it's rather pointless.

"What?!" I asked as Micah ran into the kitchen.

"PHIL ASKED ME OUT!" her childish face had a Pac-Man smile on her mouth, her glasses fell low on her nose. "Okay, so he came into my work, right? But super early, right before my shift. And on all the fish bowls, you know, with the fishies inside, there were notes that said 'will you go out with me'. Then he came into the store with a cup of coffee for me. Isn't that sweet?!" she gushed, nearly knocking over our Christmas (Holiday? Eh, screw politics) tree.

"That's actually really cute. I do approve." I was genuinely happy for her. Phil is nice, and I can tell that he really likes her. "And what's this thing with you and drawing him naked?" I asked.

"Oh, it's just this thing for his web show."

"I won't ask any more."

"Oh! And today we're are going to their place for the release of the video and the last day that you'll be here for a week," she mentioned. "We are going over in a couple minuets."

"Dude! I'm not even dressed yet!" I complained, gesturing to my giant ugly Christmas sweater.

"Oh. Well then you might want to get ready," she said, going to her room to get out of her tacky green work shirt.

I threw on some jeans under the sweater, grabbed my iPhone and left right after Micah, sliding between the door just in time. We made the short trip to their flat and was welcomed by a blushing Phil then gestured to come inside.

As Phil and Micah hugged, I went to investigate the whereabouts of Dan.

"Dan?" I asked as I went into his bedroom. He was sitting next to three empty chairs, the beginning of our video on full screen and paused upon his Mac.

"Nope. He's not here right now," Dan said as I entered the room.

"Har har. Did you hear bout Phil and Micah? Aren't they freaking adorable?!" I asked as I went to sit next to him.

"Yes. I helped him write because he has doctor's handwriting and you can't read anything he's trying to tell you."

"So it looks like Japanese or something?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Oh, here come the love-birds!" he sang as Phicah (get it? Like ficus, the tree? No? Well fuck you.) came into the room. We got situated and watched the four minuet and thirty nine second video. To my surprise, I seemed normal, and looked... kind of cute. I wish I could look like that every day. As the endscreen came up, I noticed that I had been grinning the entire time.

"That was cute!" Micah said. We all looked at each other, not sure what do next.

"Thanks," Dan said. Phil and Micah left, talking about the last chapter of Naruto.

"What have the comments been saying?" I asked as we both stared back at the screen, content with staying on the interwebs.

"A lot of them have been positive."

"Look how many likes there are! They all liked it oh my god. I was in a video that has more than 50,000 likes! Holy mother of fuck that's amazing." Dan laughed as I squealed.

"I hope that's not the greatest accomplishment you've ever had."

"Nope, your mum is," I said sarcasticly. He chuckled.

Then I saw the comments. Ho. Ly. Shit. Storm. These fangirls were certainly protective. My eyes blew over the good comments, landing on the very sparse bad ones. Even the good ones that said they liked me were overwhelming, and I'm not sure if it was a good way or a bad way. What if I end up dating Dan? The crazy internet girls would die if we ever walked in public, holding hands. I would be a person on tumblr gifs. I would always be compared. I didn't think I could handle it. But he is so perfect.

"A lot of people watch your videos."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't think I'm that good at it, though."

"You're hilarious. Look at how many people watch you. They relate to you, love you. That's pretty damn cool."

"But look, they love you too."

"No they don't." I saw one of the hate comments, saying how I was fake.

"Yes, they do. And why does it matter?" Dan asked.

"They are so protective of you. And maybe I care about what other people think sometimes."

"Why would you?"

"Because I like to be liked."

"I didn't think you were that kind of girl," he accused. My heart tugged in the wrong direction.

"What do you mean? Why would it matter if I was that kind of girl?" I was confused. Maybe I heard him wrong.

"Did you pretend to be someone you're not, just to get me to like you?" Dan asked, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"What? Why would I do that?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

I stood up, shaking off the hurt. "Well, I didn't think that you would be that kind of guy," I said as I left. I went into their kitchen, telling Micah that I was going home. She smiled and okayed my decision.

"Is it bad that I care?" I thought as I walked up the single flight of stairs instead of taking the lift. Did that make me a terrible person? I wouldn't change for anyone, but I do value opinions of others. Opening he door, I remembered back to college, when I was the odd man out at the larger side of the scale.

I gained and lost a lot of weight in the past few years, going through wars in mirrors. I would love to say that I had gotten over the habit of blaming everything on myself so that I wouldn't have to plan out my lifestyle to make sure that other people like me.

When I moved to London, I was happier than ever. Micah came with me,. And I had a fresh start. I was still tom-boy Atari, only a bit prettier, more flirty, more sarcastic (if possible), and skinnier. I lost 57 pounds, landing me at a healthy weight of 126. So is it bad that I'm still insecure? Probably. For God's sake, I'm single, alone, wallowing in first world problems, playing video games for a living. That's not the "type of girl" that anyone wants. I'll never be that type of girl. I'm too busy being the girl no one wants, that everyone abandons, that has no romantic future.

Maybe a trip to the states would be good. I could breathe the stupid Iowa air, get a break from these walls that have dealt with all my shit. I just needed new scenery.

I mean, I don't even want to be that type of girl, do I? What the fuck does that even mean? "That type of girl" my ass. Does that mean the type that fakes everything, keeping their true feelings to themselves, or the type of girl that cares about other's opinions? Because I'm not fake.

I began contemplating exactly who I was while preparing for Dubuque. It was probably going to be cold, so I packed sweaters, socks, and comfy hats amongst my normal clothes and fancier wear for Christmas along with shower items and necessary games and other people's presents. I left Micah's here for her while I took the one she got me to my parents house. Then, on Christmas, we both open up presents via Skype.

As I was going through whose gift was whoes, I found Dan's secret Santa one, sealed in newspaper. A note was attached. "From: Your Bitch. To: theonethat'snotonfire"

I remember that feeling I got whenever Micah casually mentioned him, a flutter that I couldn't place happened in my stomach, a tickle in my brain, making me grin. But he doesn't' feel that way about me, does he? No, Atari, don't be stupid. You're not the girl he's looking for. He deserves a perfect, funny girl to date, not you. You're too boring and unattractive. My mind would not shut up. I kept telling myself all of the things that I needed to avoid. I was no longer sane.

* * *

I NEEED EVERYONE TO READ THIS. Okay, so I think that we need to spread the word. Tell everyone, write in history text books, make documentaries, about the end of the world. Say that the movie 2012 was made in 2015 as a documentary on what actually happened at the end of the world. Everyone that doesn't follow through with this, their memories were erased. PASS IT THE FUCK ON. Thanks.


	10. Dix

AN- Okay, kids. I have a Chromebook. Yay? Lol I use Open Office to write, and THEY DON'T HAVE FUCKING ICONS ON THE GODDAMN SCREEN. Thought I love having a laptop so that I can type in my room on my bed all comfy, I don't like having this annoying process of publishing the documents to my fanfiction. It's so long and torturous. Laskdjfpoahiasdk But anywho, if it's awkward to read, I'm so sorry, and you can blame me for everything. OK NOW ONTO THE STORY.

* * *

MICHAHHHHHHHH

Day 2 and Atari has yet to smile. As it being my day off, I was able to see her wake up after very little sleep, with bags under her eyes and her cell phone glued to her hands.

"Morning, hun. You look like Hell," I said.

"Good morning, thank you for that wonderful compliment." She went to get a cup of coffee and I watched her closely, making sure she didn't do anything stupid. At least she was still capable of sarcasm which is a step up from yesterday.

"Any new texts?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Should there be?"

"I would hope so. Maybe one that explains exactly what he meant And you know what? I've been thinking of it, and I propose that YouTube fame has gotten to his head and maybe he's looking for a girl that's absolutely perfect, and I'm sorry that I'm not that kind of girl. I mean, what the fuck does that mean?! I honestly don't think that he's going to find that girl. Maybe he wanted one that's head over heels for him? Ugh. Men are confusing, I need a drink."

"Why don't you text him? That would probably answer a lot of your questions."

"That's not the way this thing works." In my head, I knew that it was, but she was too fucking stubborn to realize it. When I came home to hear "The Scientist" by Coldplay, I knew that something was wrong. She only listens to them if serious stuff went down. Her normally bright gray-green eyes were dull, her entire face sunken with disappointment.

Then she told me what happened, and I was honestly surprised. I mean, I've lived with/around her for a good ten years, and she has been good at getting over things. It might just be PMS, or maybe she was abducted by alien fairies. And from Phil's point of view, Dan has been pretty down as well.

I turned my attention to my roommate, wearing a cookie monster shirt, staring at the coffee and cream swirling around each other like ink in water. And today she gets to leave to her hometown as well.

The only thing I've been really stressing over is her appetite. She has been eating, but it takes her over 45 minuets to eat a bowl of cereal.

"Will you go with me to the airport?" she asked.

"Of course. I'd feel terrible if something happened to you without me there."

"Okay good." My phone vibrated in my pocket. I hoped it was Phil, I really did. He is so nice to me. Being around him makes me feel young again, yet protected. He was about 2 years older than me, but he acts like a teenager in the best of ways. We played with my kitten yesterday, and I'm beginning to like soup when Phil is around. He likes playing with the little bell on the end of the string, and I think it's adorable. I know that he could never hurt me.

"How your booooooooyfriend?" Atari asked with a small smile that didn't reach to her cheeks, much less her eyes.

I giggled. "He's so perfect. And his flat is so nice. He kissed me on the cheek this morning when I brought him the jacket that he left here." A blush crept up my face.

Atari "aww"ed and took her second nibble of her toast.

"He's totally cool with everything, except mean or hurtful things. I agree with him on a bunch, but disagree enough to make conversations interesting."

"That's perfect. Don't screw this up." She took a tiny centimeter of a bite out of the corner of her Nutella-covered bread like a bunny. "No pressure," Atari said with a look of deep thought and concentration on her face.

Atari kept the face as she got ready, went to the underground, approached the airport, went through security, and only broke to say goodbye as I handed her off to the trust worthy guards. My phone rang as soon as I left her to her own devices.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi there," Phil said. A grin graced my face and I began walking towards the exit.

"What's up?" the hustle and bustle of the lobby was overwhelming, making me claustrophobic. I pushed pass the stupid peasants until I found the trolley. Phil explained to me how he wanted to bake cupcakes for Christmas and needed some help.

We hung up while I sat down on the packed train. The seat was a normal cold, making me feel more comfortable. The woman next to me was a ginger, talking on the phone to someone named Mycheal, begging in a hushed voice. She clutched her coat to her when her voice broke, tears running down her face. The Samsung fell onto the dirty floor, and she sat there, not caring that a strange man was about to take it. If only Atari was here. I'm only good at comforting animals, I'm crap at humans. What do I do? Okay, I'll just hand her a tissue from my pocket and pick up her phone for her. She cried louder, so I sat back and focused on picking the nail polish off my fingernails.

All through our past, Atari has seemed like my better half. She was able to comfort the over-emotional people at parties, she was able to come up with excuses for our pot head friends, she was there when someone went through a messy break up, and she was there when a fight was about to go down, setting any argument. I've never been able to do that, ever. I'm always the one in the background, willing to let the other people get thrown to the sharks.

She knew how to dress well, how to care just the right amount, stay away from the booze, make better food, be smarter in school, and was much better at video games. So when she told me about the conversation she had with Dan, I was in disbelief. Honestly, I'd give anything to be Atari. Her parents never split up, never abandoned her, she never contemplated cutting, never need to. Though she has certainly had her amount of painful moments that are just as serious, she has always had it a little easier. To be completely honest, I'm kind of jealous.

* * *

Atari :D

On the airplane, I was lucky enough to be by the window next to an old couple, the woman was knitting and the man was doing crossword puzzles. I stared out the circular glass to see beautiful clouds over water.

I let Tegan and Sarah and Death Cab for Cutie invade my ear drums as I thought of love. The person behind me, younger man from the sound of it, by the name of Mycheal, was talking to the man next to him about how he was leaving a girl in England for school in the US. She has beautiful red hair, but that's all that he loved about her. She's almost perfect, but not quite. He complained about the terrible reception more than leaving his girlfriend. Humans are so cruel.

He doesn't love her. I could tell from how he only talked about her appearance. But she seemed to love him. She was almost perfect, but not quite.

He didn't know what it was like to love. I didn't know what it was like, but I knew more than he did . I knew that I wanted the kind of love that the couple next to me had. They began discussing their grandchildren, wondering how they were, what their grades were, and if they had their license, got their braces off, cut their hair.

I glanced at the woman's ring. It was simple yet stunning. A single silver band with two red stones gleamed in the sunlight, exposing two initials "A+V". I was jealous. I wanted to eventually have a love like that, but as we all know, the last few times that I've tried that failed miserably.

For some reason or another, I couldn't forget him. And it wasn't necessarily that I couldn't forget what he said to me, but I couldn't get Dan, in general, out of my head. I could hear his laugh like a lullaby, see his smile plastered over and over again throughout the environment, recall when we sang High School Musical songs together, make the seat feel like the time I fell asleep with him on their couch. Dan was glued to my cerebral cortex and I couldn't take it.

My love life has always been a little hectic, but not like this. My first boyfriend, Ash, was nice. But he told me that he liked someone else more. The next boys in freshman year were stupid and meaningless, though at the time they seemed to take up the majority of my time, making me stress out. Our relationships ended over petty things, and most of them broke up with me, not the other way around.

In the third quarter of sophomore year, I dated Josh. He was the sweetest of all of them, and we dated until the beginning of senior year. I thought I loved him. I gave him all of me, heart and body, he did the same in return. That is, until he got heavy into drugs to a point where he would only want to be with me when he was high and tried to get me to. I'll admit, I experimented, but that was it.

After Josh, I dabbled in being a whore. I dated a new guy every two weeks or so, not to sleep with them, but to know them. I said yes to guys from the jock pool to the loner corners. The most those relationships were involved in kissing and video games. Believe it or not, I was the one that got dumped, almost every time. They just wanted to be friends, and I was cool with that. I moved onto the next one, this pattern continued until Micah and I moved.

In England, everything was new. I did things like go to coffee stores, travel, host parties, dance in the mother fucking rain, had risky nights, did stupid shit. But all of it, from the hangovers to the all-nighters of homework, from the fights to the smashed bottles, and from the caffeine addiction to the months of very little funds, all of it, was worth the reward of being around people, making friends, and living.

During that time, I met Ben. He was always there. He stayed up with me during all-nighters, got me meds when my head was splitting, and comforted me when I fought with someone. And stupid me thought he actually loved me the way that I thought I loved him.

But almost two years later, he told me he didn't. And who was there after that? The guy who told me that I wasn't what he wanted.

When I put all the facts together, I came to the conclusion that I was the problem. But what was wrong with me?

The aged lady next to me gently poked my shoulder with her kitting needle. "Are you okay, dear?" she asked. Her hair was white, her skin wrinkled, but she looked so innocent and gentile.

"Yes, I'm fine," I told her, smiling.

"Here, I got you Cherry Coke, it's my favourite, I hope you're okay with that. Now tell me who this bloke is that's got you all tied up." She handed me the cold aluminum can.

I took a sip before explaining the entire situation. She looked at me and said, "Hunny, young men don't know what they are saying or doing until they're in the middle of the war. You're a woman, so take a stand, doll. Plus, you can't expect him to be mature and say the right things all the time. Just go with the flow, baby girl. Now here, this is how to knit."

Oddly enough, it all made sense to me. Though Micah has always been there for me, she tends to give me the same advice the majority of the time. I don't blame her one bit, though I do wish she would come up with some new information.

The woman's name was Adeline, and she taught me how to knit, then gave me the socks that she was working on. She told me all about her family, and treated me like an adult, something that I could definitely get used to.

* * *

(sing) It's the part of the story where I make it Micah's point of view. Yeah (end)

"Phil! No don't hold it like that! You'll get stuff all over the place!" I laughed as he then flicked my face with flour. I will get revenge!

"Hey, you two, get a room!" Dan said half-heartily. He's been unusually quiet today, keeping to himself.

"I meant the batter!" I said. No response, of course. I'll blame it on the computer game he was playing (don't ask me what, I'm shit at that stuff). The past few days, he's been in his room, doing who knows what. And apparently, thank the heavens, they have their YouTube friends over, making me uninvited, claiming it's "boys only" but that I can meet them if I want.

Phil and I were on the final stage of baking cupcakes; putting the batter in the paper cups. In the process, it looks like a tsunami hit their kitchen.

We finally got them in the oven, cooking for 22 minuets. To get back at Phil for putting flour in my face, I casually took some and mess it it all up in his hair, making him look like an old man. He jumped and did a little man squeal, making me giggle.

"Oh, so that's how it is," he said. Phil grabbed my glasses and cracked an egg over them, then placing them back on my head. I stood there, looking like a permanently angry cat.

I calmly said, "That's not fair." I took two and crashed them against each other over his head. His expression was priceless. I nearly died laughing, in fact, I had to hold myself up with help from the counter. So while I was tearing up, he took hundreds and thousands, sprinkling them all over my hair. My mouth made a perfect shape of an "o".

"Your hair looks ridiculous! You're like a cupcake, cupcake!" he said We both laughed, just enjoying how mental this entire situation was. Then he stepped closer to me, making my entire body on high alert.

I put my arms around his neck and smiled. He glanced at my lips as we stepped closer to one another. Then our mouths met gently. It wasn't for that long, it wasn't obnoxiously passionate, it wasn't raw. It was perfect.

My eyes fluttered open to see Phil blushing, and I knew that he was all I needed.

* * *

(sing) Back to Atari Yeah (end)

My younger brother is an odd lad. He is, like every 17 year old boy, awkward, a smart ass, and inappropriate. But I love him.

He as there when I passed security, and I gave him a hug as he stood there, uncomfortably patting my back. If you compared him to myself, you wouldn't find many differences aside from age and gender. The only distinct one is our noses; he has our dad's and I have my mum's.

"You're so much taller!" I exclaimed. He laughed. Felix then rubbed my hair, currently a good head taller.

"You're so much more British!" Felix mocked. Yes, he was named after Fix It Felix, not the cat. I punched his arm lightly as we went to baggage claim.

"How has America been since I left?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, Obama is still president, we are all doing pretty okay, I guess. The world hasn't ended yet." We waited for my bag to come into sight. "What about the UK? I haven't seen you in about a year. What's the deal?!"

"Well, the queen is still alive, the UK is still better than the US, and plane tickets are bloody expensive. I've been saving up for this trip for a long time, in fact, my presence should be your Christmas present." Felix smiled, hitting my arm lightly.

"What! Smile again." He did as I told, showing clean, braces-free teeth. "Shit, kid! Why didn't you tell me? My little brother is so handsome. Look at you all grown up," I gushed to Felix as he laughed. "Stand back a bit.." He did as I demanded. He was taller than I remember by quite a bit, he had more muscle, and less geek. He still had brown fringy hair the same shade as mine that he kept curly. He had on an Obey shirt and some plain jeans. Vans were on his feet and he had a leather jacket thrown over his arm.

"I must admit, you have improved since geeky, Aeropostle-wearing Felix. Now I can actually picture you getting a girlfriend," I said. He looked at the ground and rubbed his neck. "What's her name?"

"Heather, and I honestly think you'll like her." I made a derp face. "We were wondering if you wanted to see a movie marathon this week. We were thinking Wreck it Ralf, the Hobbit 3D, and the Perks of Being a Wallflower. I talked to some of your old friends and they'd love to come too."

"That sounds perfect! Aw man! I didn't even know that they came out with movies for those! The have got to be awesome. I loved those books. Holy shit. The Hobbit in 3D. Holy shit." While I was ranting, I located my suitcase and we finally made it to his car.

"Wow, I'm surprised you remember Borealis," he said.

"Well yeah, I was the one that had her first and named it. Hey, give me the keys."

"Why?"

"Cause I'm driving."

"You don't even have a valid US license."

"Has that ever stopped either of us? Remember when gramma taught me how to drive with you in the back seat after my fourteenth birthday? Pleeeeaaaasseeeeeeeeeee, it's only till home."

He tossed me the keys. "You lucky little slut," Felix joked.

"Thanks, ya dick." I went to drive, accidentally going to the passenger side, not the driver's before I remembered that we were in America. Driving in a foreign country felt odd. I wasn't used to this weird backwards way. You drive on the _left_ side, _not_ the right.

"Hey, that's not the way home," he said.

"And?"

"Whatever floats your boat, sis." I laughed and sped down the highway in search of Culver's. I blasted the Christmas music making Felix chuckle. We sang along to "Baby It's Cold Outside" (badly), making me reminisce about our childhood. That is, until we got to Culver's, ordering our food in my best English accent.

"Home has been so empty without you," Felix said with a smile.

"Well duh! I mean, I took up the majority of the house with my crap."

"It's still there for the most part. All of your little toys and shit is still in your room."

"What about my bed? Is it all gross?"

"Not likely, since Link sleeps on it still, and you know how gramma likes to wash things."

"Oh I miss Link!" Link was our rescue dog. He's an average sized basset hound with floppy ears, one half missing, the other fine. It was a sad event that we don't know the meaning of, but we love him anyways. Our excuse is that he was trying to save Zelda.

Our food came and we were off, blasting the holiday channel once again, singing along to"Jingle Bell Rock", because everyone in the English-speaking world knows it, at least, until we got home.

I was greeted by my mum, dad, gramma, and Link. Talking to so many Americans made me feel at home again. It smelt like my teenage years.

I gave my relatives hugs, noticing how much I missed all of them. I especially longed for my gramma. She was like Madam Foster from Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends. She was short, cute, wrinkly, wore glasses, and had a plethora of spunk. Her steps were short and fast, with help from her old cane.

Her daughter, my mum, also made me happy to be home. She was such a good role model to me when I was growing up. Like her mum, she was courageous and outgoing. She danced around the kitchen when she cooked and sang while she cleaned. My dad joined in with her once in a while.

Speaking of my father. I do miss him, though he wishes that I had a more practical, average Joe type of career. He took me places when I was little, like the Dells for water parks, taught me how to skateboard, bike, and roller blade. Both of the parental units have been around, making me very appreciative.

"Oh! I've missed you, ya little girl. Come here," my gramma said. I obliged. While we hugged, she whispered, "Your little brother has been looking forward to this. And your mom actually planned a decent meal for tomorrow night." She laughed and winked when she pulled away, making me smile.

"I've missed you guys," I told them while they escorted me to my old bedroom down the hall and to the left.

The layout of my room was the same, right down to the old clothes on the floor. Though it was smaller than the one in London, it was still perfect. The moment that I sat down on my bed, Link fell into place on my right leg, where he used to go. It was the same spot that I've been petting him for the last ten years. I felt at home.

* * *

I woke up to household hustle and bustle that I had forgotten about. My old alarm clock said that it was a little past ten, making my head hurt. I began to feel heavily jet-lagged. I climbed out of my old bed, leaving Link to his own devices in order to find breakfast foods.

"Good morning, deary. Did you sleep well?" my gramma laughed as she speed walked with her little steps towards the kitchen, dressed in a pink nightgown.

"I slept like I did as a teenager, gramma." She laughed again.

"It must have been a rough night then," my mum added, smiling over her shoulder from the stove.

"Do you want coffee? I just made some," my dad asked asked at the small table pushed against the wall. He had his mug and the newspaper, like a cheesy, typical dad.

"That sounds perfect." I went to get myself energy in the form of liquid.

"Do how has life in the UK been?" my mum asked.

"How much does your job pay?" my dad asked.

"Oooo. Do they have any different foods?" my mum asked.

"I hear you work from home, yes? How is the... gaming.. going?"" he asked.

"Talk some more. I want to see if you've developed your accent more."

"Are you turning in all of your paperwork?"

"What new words do you use?"

"Christ! Let the poor girl wake up. It's okay, sweetie. Do you want some food?" my gramma asked kindly.

"Yes. That would be lovely."

My mum squealed. "Did you hear that?! Hun, she has the cutest voice, right?"

"Yes, dear. It's adorable," my dad replied to my mum and went back to his paper. It was good to be home.

* * *

AN- my grampa has cancer. He gets his 3rd round of chemo tomorrow, and I want to be there for him. It shouldn't keep me that far back, though. Keep him in your prayers?


	11. 11:11

Micah's POV

I get lonely sometimes. So, and don't tell Atari this, but when she leaves to visit her family over Christmas, I spend time with Soup. We actually get along really well, she even sniffs me and lets me pet her when I get home from work or Phil's house. And don't tell anyone else this, but I really like Soup. Okay, sure, I forget to feed her sometimes, but I do kind of like her.

And don't tell Atari, but I play video games with her. She's really bad and practically lets me win always getting 12th place. Soup could probably beat me if she just pressed the buttons.

I like how soft she is, and she keeps me warm at night because Atari isn't here for her to sleep by. I do miss Atari. She always goes home over Christmas, and I go home over the Fourth of July to visit my parents. But this year, I'm happy to live so close to Phil. He's fun to spend time with and I feel loved when I'm around him. I do appreciate being over here, right in the perfect place. My life is content.

Yesterday, I got to meet PJ. He's nice too, and he approved of my art work, one of the coolest things ever. I remember watching him as we made our animations for art class, inspiring me to make more flash animation, though I was crap at it. He and Phil reassured me that I have a future in art, an opinion that I value.

* * *

Atari's POV

Over the past few days, I've been spending a lot of time with family, but even more time eating. When I'm in a bad mood, I've realized that I eat very slowly, but at home, I was eating whatever the fuck I felt like eating. I hadn't had the energy to really go find my high school friends, but I did kind of get in touch with them. They had disappeared, only coming out on facebook, making me unaware of their growth, jobs, opinions, and other social conventions.

It was weird to see how much they have changed. Anna put her hair into dreads and started wearing more earthy tones and colours, Austin started dating Anna, finally admitting his feelings, Chance got a tattoo, and Oliver grew out his hair. The only downside to moving all the way to England, was that I couldn't see them very frequently. They all had their lives together over in Iowa and I was away from that. I don't know what I would do without Micah.

But we got to see the Hobbit together on the day before Christmas Eve, making me a happy duck.

The thing that set me back a bit was Felix's girlfriend. Usually, I am the last one to meet his girlfriends, though you could count them all on one hand. So when an unfamiliar girl turned up at our house, kissed my grandma on her cheek, and asked casually where Felix was, I felt beyond awkward.

"Hello," I said, my voice questioning and yet like 'do I know you?' tone underneath it.

"Hi. I'm Heather, Felix's girlfriend. Are you Atari? Your brother told me about you," the teenage girl told me, wide eyed and quiet. She had blue eyes set against native skin, turquoise hair hiding the majority of her face that fell down to her chest.

"Yep, that's me." She smiled wide.

"Is London actually as cool as all of the television shows make it seem?"

"Well, I really like it, but honestly, over here they make it sound like such a bizarre place, when it's fairly normal."

"You sound so British!"

"Thanks, I guess. You sound so American." She laughed, and Felix came over, taking her hand in his. He smelt of men, making me want to lecture him and tell him to wear less, but I won't be that annoying sister who embarrasses him in front of his girlfriend. The way that they looked at each other and the way that she blushed when she was near him made them fucking adorable.

"Goddamn it," my grandma yelled from the family room. "Katrina, did you forget to record my Jersey Shore yesterday?" I laughed as my mom tiptoed out of the room, escaping the elderly wrath. She whispered to us, demanding that we have fun, or else.

"So I'm assuming you had the misfortune to meet my sister," Felix said.

"Hey, I wouldn't be talking. I hear that you gush about me all the time." I was smiling, taking in the way that he was dressed. A red shirt and black skinny jeans was decent enough. No coat, though. He shall be looking forward to a sisterly lecture.

"Only about how you're a whore." Felix grinned. Heather hit him on the arm, about to defend me.

"It doesn't appear that way. Is someone a wee bit jealous of his sister?"

"Never. You're nothing to be jealous of."

"Wanna go?!"

"Come at me, bro!" We laughed at each other, knowing that we wouldn't, never have, and never will. But he did settle with screwing up my hair.

I adjusted my hair to fall back into it's average shape, making sure that my outfit looked okay. I was sporting a lovely Glmrklls sweatshirt that says "Bearly Human" with a picture of a stuffed bear over red skinnies and old Converse. Heather anxiously adjusted her Of Mice And Men shirt, putting her leather jacket on, giving a quick glance of her slashed wrist.

Heather was taller than me by a good 4 centimeters, yet perfect height for my brother. Everyone made me feel short, especially my dad and brother. I got the short, womanly figure genes from my mum who inherited them from her mum, making us all very short, indeed.

"Give me the keys, we have to pick up Anna, Austin, and Oliver." I grabbed the keys from my brother's hand. "Hey, kid. Put a coat on or I'm only taking your girlfriend, who's smart enough to have one. It's about zero degrees outside and I won't have you in just a t-shirt."

"Whatever you say, mom." He did as I told.

Outside, it was sunny, yet the ground was covered in a thick layer of snow. My eyes hurt from the blinding reflection.

"Look, my phone says it's thirty degrees Ferinheight out, not zero. You need to calm down." We got to the car, me hiding my embarrassment. I'm used to Celsius.

* * *

"That... was so... Amaaaaazinnngg," I said, wide eyed as we exited the theater.

"Worth the price of admission, right?" Austin asked, holding Anna's hand, a large grin on his face.

"I can never see another normal movie again."

"The Hobbit was shot with more frames..." yada yada, facts poured out of Chance's mouth more times than I could count, but today, they were directed to his boyfriend, Derek, who was enthralled. Chance is such a dweeb, but I adore him. In the event that there were too many people for my brother's car, he and Derek took his.

"The Hobbit was spectacular the third time, especially in 3D."

"Yeah, it was wimpy in 2D."

"Mmmm. Did you see Bilbo? Oh and Kili. The ring. Oh my god. When someone proposes to me, I want a ring just like that one." Anna wouldn't stop gushing about the Lord of the Rings. I mean, I'm a super dork about them, but not nearly as close as she is. She dressed up as Gandalf for the midnight premier of the Hobbit. She had the biggest obsession over Frodo in high school to a point where you could go into her room and all over the walls, she had pictures of the Lord of the Rings. Everywhere.

"My girlfriend would have loved this," Oliver chimed in. This is what I hate about the holidays; couples. Nonstop couples everywhere you look.

"So how's Micah?" Austin asked.

"Have you guys admitted your sexual love for each other over in London?" Oliver asked, winking.

I looked ahead, Heather and Felix were walking hand in hand, close to the car. Austin was with Anna, an arm slung around her waist. Chance kissed Derek on the cheek before getting into their car. Oliver was texting Skylar, his girlfriend, and I was here. Single.

"Oliver, for the last time, I'm straight, and so is Micah. Be nice, she's dating our friend Phil."

"Wait, you know a Phil that lives in London?"

"Yes, why?"

"What's his last name?"

"Lester, why?"

"Does he have black hair?"

"Yes, now for the last time, why?"

"He's YouTube famous. Holy shit. I always knew Micah would date the most perfect boy ever, no offence Austin, but I never thought it would be Phil. He's fantastic." Anna was in a bit of a shock as we got to the car.

"Yeah, I know. He lives right above us with Dan Howell," I said once we were all in he car.

"You're friends with Dan?!"

"Well-"

"Oh my lord, would you two be cute together. Don't you agree, babe? Remember when I showed you those British YouTubers? She knows them!"

"Oh, that's pretty cool." Austin was not very enthusiastic, though he was paying attention, unlike Heather and Felix who were lost in their own little world.

"Are you dating?"

The world went in sort of slow motion as I drove them out of the parking lot, the two couples in the back, Oliver in the passenger seat. I wished we were dating.

"No, we aren't."

"Well, you should be."

"I know."

* * *

"Your brother is really fantastic. I appreciate him so much," Heather said as Felix was fixing dinner with my mom.

"How so?"

She took a deep breath. "He helped me through really tough times. I don't think that I'd be here without him," she said, rubbing the deep gashes on her arm.

"I have taught him well. I don't think he'd be the same person that he is today without me here to tell him how to treat people." I placed my hand on her wrist. Her deep blue eyes were beautiful, unique for her colour of skin. They said thank you in a million ways that couldn't be expressed vocally.

"My parents never really got along, and your family was always there when the house wasn't safe," she said. "I just wanted to make sure that it was okay if I slept in your room while you were gone. Felix said you wouldn't mind, but I wanted to make sure."

I laughed. "Of course it's okay. You're more than welcome here. If you need to borrow a set of clothes, just take some of my old ones, they're actually pretty comfortable. And if you want to sleep in the same room as Felix, go ahead." She giggled and blushed.

"For some reason, I feel like I can trust you."

"That's a good thing, sweetheart. You can stay in this house even if you and Felix break up."

* * *

"Okay, one, two, three," I said to Micah over the laptop camera. We both opened up the gifts we got from each other, wrapped in messy paper, each other ripping them to shreds. This left two boxes. Micah called dibs on going first.

"Oh my god! This is perfect, Atari! Holy crap! And it's made out of organic fabric and hemp oh they're beautiful and they'll keep me warm. The girls at work are all going to be jealous! You're the best." She hugged the laptop, an excited look in her eyes, her smile making them crinkle on the sides.

"That's not all." She looked deeper into the box, finding a Toms box. Inside were dark green botas with folded over hightops exposing fake fur.

"Those are so cute! Oh my god and they match the sweater!"

"My turn!" I exclaimed, ecstatic to be able to open this. She's rubbed it in my face for about a month now, making me anxious. I opened the large box to find... packing peanuts. "Oh, Micah, just what I wanted!"

"The presents is inside those, ya twat," she said. I scooted the pieces of foam away to find a folded up paper lantern set of 6 with galaxies on them.

"That is so cool. Holy crap. These are going up in my room. They'll look so good!"

"There's moreeeeeee," she sang. 2 throw pillows were underneath that, one with "-Aaron Samuels -"Hot" Body -Army of Skanks" from Mean Girls, and one with Ariel on the rock, when she's singing.

"Oh my god."

"Those are kind of for me too. You've been saying that we need new pillows for our couch," she said.

"My gift seems like crap compared to this."

"Oh shut up, you know how much I need sweaters that I can wear to work. Plus you pay the majority of the bills."

"You know they aren't that much. Plus I've paid off the last of my college loans two months ago. Two girls don't eat that much, and we never use much electricity, or cable. We don't need auto insurance, just a bit of house for the flat and some for life."

"Well, I meant to say thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Have a merry Christmas, bitch."

"You too, ya fugly slut."

* * *

The rest of my Christmas was relatively uneventful, in the best of ways. My grandma made enough food to feed a small country, my mum stayed out of the kitchen, my dad relaxed, and Felix was a dork. I ate so much food. My god, I will never have to eat again. There were dumplings, turkey, ham, mince pies, apple pie, four salads, seven layer dessert, gravy, and much, much, much more.

We opened presents right next to the fireplace, making me feel like I was ten years old, and the biggest worry was if my art project dried or not. Link laid down by my thigh as I sat cross legged on the floor, he was gnashing on bone. My grandma was dressed in a sweater that she crocheted, my dad was laughing and chucking wrapping paper at his children, my mum was smiling and drinking eggnog, and my brother was joking around with me.

Now, I'm the type of person that doesn't like wrapping paper. I hate it. It adds suspense to the situation, and when you open up the box, you finally get to the gift. And no matter what the fuck it is, you have to like it. It could be a decapitated doll and you would have to act like it was the greatest thing ever. It is the worst thing in the world, especially if you already know what it is. God, I hate that. I'm all for surprises, but only the good kind. But I despise when I get a present and I already knew what it was.

That's what happened when I opened up my WiiU. I acted like I was the happiest person in the world, like I had everything that I wanted, and I definitely did. But the fact that my brother spoiled it for me made my reaction almost fake, though it was absolutely sincere.

Underneath the tree, it was flooded with boxes and bows. I'm not too surprised. They are all avid shoppers, getting the best deals on the best items, and they all save the gifts that I would get year-round for one day. I get nothing from them besides occasional Skype meetings during the rest of the year. They have saved up everything that they thought I would like for today. The pressure was on.

The aftermath of Christmas was quite good. From my mum, I got a strapless dress that looked like a cat, a doormat that said "This house is guarded by an attack cat", a Naked brand set of makeup, a couple Adventure Time key caps, a few glamour kills t-shirts, a cookbook, a galaxy bikini, high waisted shorts with marvel comic fabric, and a pair of boots with studs on the toe. From my dad, I got a set of plates that were a pretty turquoise colour ("You're an adult, stop eating out of cartoon plastic plates"), a knife holder shaped like a person being stabbed, measuring cups, pillows shaped like pac-man and the ghosts, a few oddly shaped ice trays, a toaster, a white bath rug that you step on and turns your footprints into a dark red colour, and some wine glasses. My grandma got me an obnoxious amount of stuff. There was a new fabric backpack, a Beemo iPhone case, a shower curtain with an abstract octopus, a new toothbrush, a poster with all of the constellations, a Breakfast Club sweater, four pairs of printed leggings (galaxy, sweater, city, and skeleton), a Pink Floyd off the shoulder sweater, her old record player that I've been lusting after for years, a Mumford and Sons LP, Bon Iver LP, Beatles Abbey Road LP, Nirvana LP, Arcade Fire LP, Foster the People LP, bull dog salt and pepper shakers, some creative disposable cameras, and her old Polaroid. Let's just say that she's always spoiled me the way that my dad spoils Felix. And my brother? Well we have this long time gag that we get each other underwear for Christmas. So he found a bra, the cups colored like pokeballs and underwear with Twister dots, Wonder Woman, Super Man, and Marceline. I'll admit that it made my day a little better.

But the presents that I got didn't matter. I would have been content with just spending time with them.

After the festivities were done, we all went to our own corners to a) sleep b) play with our new toys or c) go online. I chose c. I knew that Dan and Phil had a radio show on BBC Radio 1, so I streamed it live. I missed Phil. That's why I was on there. It's not like I missed Dan or anything. It's not like the best present I could have gotten was a hug from Dan, it's not like I wanted him near me, no, not at all.

Is it that obvious? My heart tugged in two directions, one happy because those two boys always made me happy, and one sad because I missed him. God did I miss him. And the way that I'm ignoring him isn't helping any either. I felt like Helga from Hey! Arnold.

* * *

The Skype messenger said that he was on. There was a green light next to his name. Atari, all you have to do it click it. It's really not that hard. You waited an entire hour for right now, just press the call button. No, he won't judge you. He won't. He will be happy to talk to you. Maybe you can say hi to Phil. It would be good.

I moved my hand to click his name. I pressed the keypad. "Hi" I typed. And I waited. One minuet. Two minuets. Three. And I clicked the little "x" in the corner and shut off my laptop, having all of the disappointment that I could take for one day.

* * *

Micah's POV

I was just wandering around the apartment, opening the shipped packages from my parents, grandparents, and cousins. There were only a few, but they were pretty nice. My mum sent me 200 dollars that I would have to turn into pounds, my dad sent me the coolest stuff in the world. He's always been my favourite out of my entire family. He sent me a mug that said "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" when it's cold and "Mischief Managed" when it gets hot, some cutlery that stacks on top of each other with handles like legos, a Totoro bedspread, and a ton of Pixar DVD's. My grandma and grandpa sent me some mittens and a beautiful ring. My dad's sister, my only aunt, sent me 100 dollars (I will be turning a lot of cash into pounds...) and beautiful paint brushes with a note that told me to keep up what I was doing.

Phil. Phil and I were going to celebrate a mini-Christmas at his place with a plethora of left over food from both houses. We were hoping that Dan would join us to help finish all the food, and it was the same day that Atari was getting back, so she should be joining us too. She's been gone for five days and I really miss having a roommate, though I like having my own place even more. I can blast my music as loud as I want, go to bed without having some video game in the background, stay out longer, drink, and watch whatever television programs I want. Plus I actually fed Soup this time, unlike the last few times when we had to have someone else come in and feed her for me...

I petted the kitty once more before I got dressed in an Aladdin sweatshirt over a high-low black skirt with Atari's worn down toms. My hair was normal, but every time that I looked in the mirror to see it's natural ways of flowing to the left of my head, I always criticized it. Today I pinned it back, letting the longer pieces fall down my shoulder, only reaching my collarbone. The strawberry blonde locks made me happy. I've always liked the colour of my hair. The pink in the ends was fading, making me think of a different colour to dye it. Maybe purple.

I grabbed my phone along with a ton of food and left to go to Phil's. I had some General Tso's, veggie fried rice, an egg roll, a couple slices of pizza, some cold soup, a makeshift salad, and some ravioli along with some cocktail supplies.

"Here, let me help you with those. I don't know if I trust you with whiskey," Phil said as he answered the door, taking some of the food.

In the background I could see Dan going through the kitchen, heating up things and adjusting spoons in the various containers. "God, I should have answered her, Phil. Why didn't you force me to answer her?"

"What's he on about?" I asked as we carried things to their table.

"Oh, Atari said hi and he didn't answer." We set the plethora of food next to their wimpy pile of only mac and cheese. At the look that I was giving him, he replied, "Oh, we eat a lot."

I sighed. "That wasn't the look that I was giving you, Phil."

"Oh, it was the day before yesterday and Atari messaged him on Skype and he didn't do anything even though I told him he should respond."

"Be nice, Phil. Oh God, and she's coming over today. I hope she's not mad at me. I talked to Carrie when we were shooting her mince pie video and she said that I should have responded too. Ugh this sucks. Fuck my life." Dan was over in the kitchen, freaking out about all of this stuff.

"Here, you need a drink," I said, moving all the gin to the table.

"Okay, make me something, I give up. Women win. I will literally let my life be run by the female gender because I'm so done with all this. Guys don't understand anything, we are terrible. I wish she would talk to me."

"Relax, I know Atari and she will talk to you. Don't tell her that I told you, but she misses you. I don't know if that's good or bad, but it's true. Now here, drink this." I handed him the drink and he took a small sip, and I don't blame him. Who would want to be wasted when the girl they like is over?

My phone buzzed in my pocket. The message said that Atari was on the train, getting weird looks from strangers because of the two bags that she has to carry. No trouble at the security though, so that's positive.

Not twenty minuets later, she was in their apartment, claiming that she was starving, sending looks at Dan.

"When did you get that dress?" I asked as we sat down with plates full of food.

"My grandma got it for me, isn't it cute?" It had a tan cat's face over her chest, the cinched at the waist with a bow tie in the middle and flowed out to her knees.

"It's puuuurrrrrrfect," I said and giggled. "I love your grandma."

"What's she like?" Phil asked.

"She's short. Okay, have you seen Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends?"

"Yeah, I think so. Oh! Is she like Madame Foster? She was the cutest old lady ever."

"Yep, and she swears constantly." I added.

Throughout the rest of dinner, Dan and Atari were pretty silent, giving each other glances and then looking away. I knew that she cared about him, but was way too stubborn to do anything about it before he did. As soon as she was done eating, she left us, claiming she had to do major unpacking, which I believe. I'm pretty sure she just wanted to leave to escape the awkward vibes that were bouncing off of her and Dan.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Dan exhaled deeply. "I should have talked to her! God shit damnit fuck hell..." He muttered profanities to himself until he shut the door to his room.

"Well, that was... interesting." We chuckled to each other.

"But seriously, I can't believe that you didn't finish this Chinese. This is amazing. Like woah."

"Well, I'm sorry that I was full."

"Hey, I found you the most perfect thing in the world, so you should open it right now." He went to go get the little box on the counter. I handed him his, a medium sized bag.

"I hope it's decent." I really did. "Open yours first." He did as I told, taking out the tissue paper, then his eyes got wide, his face like a 4 year old.

"This is better than decent! Oh my god! This is so cool!" He lifted the hoodie out of it's bag. It was orange with ears and a bit of fake fur around the hood, just like a lion. He come over to me and hugged me close. I hugged him back. He smelt good, the perfect amount of cologne. He was so cute.

"Here, this is for you," He said, handing me the wrapped box with one hand and fixing his hair with the other. I took off the paper, revealing a blue box. Inside that thin blue box was a ring. It said "to infinity and beyond". I was speechless. "It's not a marriage ring or anything like that. It means that I'll be here, even if its just as a friend or a memory, or whatever you want me to be, to infinity and beyond. Plus I know how much you love Toy Story."

In response, I took the two steps closer and kissed him. He tugged at my lip and I let his tongue battle with mine. When we came up for air, I said, "It's perfect. Thank you."

* * *

Yep cheesy, right? Yeah, it is. Would it be terrible if there were one and a half plot points? I don't want to stop writing and I hate sequels with a passion.

Review Question: What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

My Answer: Okay, so once I was walking with my friend Jackie and my new phone was really smart and decided to call 911. For a good half hour. Yeah. ANd then, being the smart 11 year old that I was, told them that it was an accidental call and that the don't need to worry. The decided to send a policeman over anyways. So then we had to walk two miles back home and explain to my parents what happened.

Oh, and another time, I was in sixth grade and I liked this really popular guy, so I decided to give him a Valentine. Sweet, yes? No. He threw it away. Oh god, I'm cringing right now. Because the worst part was that our school had banned giving out valentine's, so I got a lecture from a popular girl about how I wasn't supposed to do that and blah blah blah.

There's also the times where my friend Jake (yes, he's still my friend. I don't know why) threw bingo chips, erasers, cheezits, pencils, whatever he could find, down my shirt in middle school. That was awkward going through the day with godknowswhat down your bra. Yeah. That happened.

Grandpa Update: He's alive. Has appointments for the 7th, more chemo on the 8th. Let's wish him luck, yes? PS: the songs "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance and "Samson" by Regina Spektor make me cry harder than a baby. So go listen to them.

GIVE ME IDEAS OF EMBARRASSING STORIES PEOPLE. I NEED THEM FOR DAN. FOR DAN.

DO IT. FOR THE CHILDREN. THOSE POOR CHILDREN.


	12. 12-12-12

Guys. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get inside a REAL PERSON'S HEAD. Think about it. Dan and Phil are REAL PEOPLE that are ACTUALLY ON THE INTERNET. I can't do it. I tried putting it in Dan's POV and I couldn't. It's so awkward. I feel like I'm invading some sort of internet rule. Now, I've climbed inside thousands of fictional characters minds, written them, read them, watched them. But I have not done this whole "real people" thing. It's so awkward! Help? Lol sorry if it's shit.

* * *

"Guys! We have fifteen seconds!" Micah said, sitting skin to skin with Phil. Dan and I pulled away from the embrace , grabbing our wine glasses.

"Ten, nine, eight." His eyes looked into mine. God, he's so fucking sexy.

"seven, six." We stood next each other, but not close enough for my liking.

"five, four." We started chanting.

"Three, two." We raised our glasses. Maybe he would kiss me, he stepped closer and I closed my eyes.

"One." The world spun a little slower, letting me take in everything that was happening. It was 2013, finally. I could hear the people in the background, bringing their glasses together, opening crackers, laughing, cheering. But Dan stepped even closer to me.

And he kissed me. On the cheek.

* * *

Let me start at the beginning.

"Phil is so great." Micah was sitting next to me on the couch, me playing with my new Wii U, her drawing a little cartoon.

"Die, bitch," I muttered. Okay, so maybe I take Mario a little too seriously.

"I mean, he was so cute! Did you see this ring? Okay, so this is what he told me. He said that he would be there for infinity and beyond, even if it was just as a memory. But I want him as more than a memory. I get those fuzzy feelings whenever I'm around him. Do you remember Ryan? I like Phil even more than him."

"Fuck. Goddamnit, come on. There, there you go."

"You should talk to Dan. Then we could all go on a double date."

To be honest, I was completely tuning her out. That is, until she said "Dan."

"What?"

"Yeah, you should talk to Dan so we could all go on a group date."

"Sorry, I have no intention of doing that."

"Please?"

"He should talk to me first. I'm perfectly okay with being single right now. It's fun. Yay. Single. Woot."

She scoffed and ranted about how he is a good person and how I'm too stubborn and etc etc.

I did want to have a conversation with him, though. And I missed his brown eyes. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't watch his videos when I was lonely at two am.

"What did you get him for your Secret Santa? Phil and I already exchanged ours, sorry for not waiting."

"I got him a sticker for his macbook that looks like one of the llamas with hats is eating the little apple. Plus, I found a non-flaky wallet from a thrift store, so his shit isn't falling out all the time."

"He would use those. That's a super good idea."

"Thanks."

"But you are going to talk to him, right? I don't want that to make everything on new year's awkward. He can still come over, right?"

"Well, yeah. Maybe I'll talk to him. I just don't know what to say."

"How about a simple hi?"

"But what if he doesn't reply?"

"Is that what's keeping the invincible Atari away? A freaking "what if"? That's not my best friend." Micah was stern, using her more powerful side to convince me.

"But-"

"No. I know you think I'm right. Grow some balls, woman!" I smiled at her.

"Okay, but only for you."

She laughed. "Yeah, right. You want this as much as I do."

* * *

"Do we have all the food? What if there's not enough wine? I love your dad for getting us these glasses. They're cute as fuck." Micah was panicking around the kitchen, putting chips in bowls and setting up boxes of crackers. I came out from my bedroom when she screamed as a bottle opener fell near her foot.

"Christ, child. I'm half dressed, mind saving any sort of terrible accidents for when I'm fully clothed?" I asked as I went back into my bedroom, deciding between a few different shirts.

"Well I'm sorry. I can't control when these things happen. It's not my fault that you don't have your freaking shirt on. God."

"Yes. Yes you can. I believe in you! You can do it! Never give up! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."

"You're so mental."

"Okay, come here." She trudged down the hallway, coming into my room. "Which shirt should I wear?" There was a giant tank top with Arial pulling her hair over her shoulder, a shirt with "Team Guy Who Almost Hit Bella With A Car", and one with a cat's face. Soup jumped up on my bed and curled up on Arial's face.

"I agree with Soup. And wear them with these," she went over to my dresser and pulled out the leggings that looked like skeleton bones. "And this," she pulled out a black bandeau that always makes my chest look a little bigger than normal. I pursed my lips. "Please? Let me choose your outfit today!"

"Fine. I'll wear it. But what if I get cold?"

"Oh, shut up. Put these on so you can just help me set stuff up."

We left the room after I changed, making me self conscious. The leggings were beyond cute, but were tight to my skin, making a small gap between my thighs and my butt look nicer than it actually is. Since the tank top was a few sizes too big, it went lower than I remember it going in the summer, exposing my chest. Can't I just wear some jeans and a t-shirt? Sigh.

"Okay, so, I have the glasses over in this cupboard, and the chips, yeah, okay. Okay. It'll be okay. Does this look nice enough to you?" Micah went around, checking the setup of the foods. It looked like the inside of fireworks. I let her put up the paper lanterns which illuminated part of the room. Fairy lights were strung up all the way around the kitchen where there were no paper lanterns. I had the record player all set up and ready to try out on the coffee table. Micah was able to decorate the entire apartment in a span of fifteen minuets. It was beautiful.

"It looks fantastic. We are having people over that are used to crappy normal stuff, their minds are going to be blown to pieces. This is mental." She had little Lego wine glass charms to determine who's was whose.

"Okay good. I need to dress in something that's not my give up on life pants." She walked past me and into her room.

"Who's coming?" I called from the hallway.

"Umm Dan, Phil, Adam, Kelsey, PJ, and Chris. PJ and Chris are YouTubers and friends with Dan and Phil, so I invited them. I hope that's cool." She came out in a Jack Daniel's t-shirt with the sleeves off and forest green skinny jeans.

"No. It's not. We have to tell them to never enter our house."

"Whatever," Micah said as she laughed at me.

* * *

"This is so cool! I can't believe you got this for Christmas." Kelsey was sitting next to me on the couch, and I finally tuned her in. To be honest, I was paying more attention to the quiet conversation Micah was having with Dan. I've never been very good at reading lips.

"Yeah, my grandma gave it to me. I've wanted it literally since I could talk." I sipped my drink as we discussed the record player, currently playing Foster the People's Tourches. I checked for Soup, finding her by Phil.

"Well, I don't blame you. This is fantastic. I mean, look at it. It's so vintage. I can't believe it still works."

"Yeah, I think it needs a good name, don't you?" She laughed.

"What about Belinda?"

"Too much of a mouthfull."

"Okay, um, Janice?"

"Victor?"

"Scarlet?"

"Oh, that's pretty. I like the name Adeline."

"Perfect. Guys! This record player is officially named Adeline!" she announced to the room. They cheered and went on to what they were doing.

"Oh! Adam! Adam wait!" Kelsey yelled as Adam went to get more food. "I'm coming with!" Her feet tripped a few times as she went to find him, her head going before her feet. She's never good at parties.

"How long have you known her?" Phil asked as he came to sit next to me. I adjusted my hair, letting it fall in waves over one shoulder.

"Since college."

"You're so American!"

"I am not! Just listen to Micah. She was born in Louisiana and moved to Iowa, so she still has an accent when she says certain words. It's perfect."

"Yeah, she is," he said. "Oh, I mean it is." His face was slightly embarrassed, a blush creeping up his jawline.

"It's okay, I'm cool with that cute stuff. You should hear how often she gushes about you."

"I'm pretty sure Dan is sick of us." I sent a glance his way to see him smiling, talking to PJ and Chris about God knows what. But he was conversing at the moment, the other two listening, getting closer to each other.

Maybe it was the shirt, but I felt like singing "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid. I wished I could be part of that outgoing YouTube world. I longed to be by them, talk with them. I feel so insignificant. Even Micah is creative and has made little videos. I wish I could be part of that world. All I do is doodle possible video game characters.

"You could go over there and talk to him, you know," Phil said, noticing my glace.

"I know." But did I go over there? No. I ate food, talked to my friends, drank, sang, danced, played stupid games, that is, until I couldn't stand it anymore.

All of the clocks were set to just the right time. Phil and Micah were on the couch, avidly watching their phones to see when the new year would arrive. 5 minuets. Our friends Adam and Kelsey were drinking wine by our breakfast bar. PJ and Chris were leaning against the wall, laughing. Dan was ten feet away from me, listening to their conversation. I had to do it. I had told myself I would, and damnit I shall.

The clocks didn't matter, neither did the day. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to hear his laugh directed at me, and I didn't care if I wasn't the perfect girl for him. I'd be just his friend if I had to, or a measly acquaintance. I was sick and tired of this. I wanted to talk to him. Scratch that, I was compelled to talk to him. It sounds beyond stupid, but it's true.

"Dan," I called, walking forward. He turned his attention towards me. I missed seeing his perfect brown eyes. A smile appeared on my face. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but I hugged him.

He placed his arms around my waist, holding me close. I buried my face in his shoulder as I was on tippy toes, unable to reach higher. Cheesy as it may sound, we both said "I'm sorry," at the same time.

"Why are you sorry?" Dan asked, his voice puzzled and perplexed.

"I overreacted." That was the only explanation I felt that I needed.

"No, you didn't. I was stupid."

"Yeah, right. You're never stupid. If anyone was stupid, it was me."

"Let's both be stupid. Forever!" he exclaimed, making me giggle.

"Yay!"

"Guys! We have fifteen seconds!" Micah said, sitting skin to skin with Phil. Dan and I pulled away, grabbing our wine glasses.

"Ten, nine, eight." His eyes looked into mine. God, he's so fucking sexy.

"seven, six." We stood next each other, but not close enough for my liking.

"five, four." We started chanting.

"Three, two." We raised our glasses. Maybe he would kiss me, he stepped closer and I closed my eyes.

"One." The world spun a little slower, letting me take in everything that was happening. It was 2013, finally. I could hear the people in the background, bringing their glasses together, opening crackers, laughing, cheering. But Dan stepped even closer to me.

And he kissed me. On the cheek.

But I would take as much as I could get. So I blushed and smiled, pulling my hair over my shoulder once again and looked up at him.

"Happy 2013!" he said.

"We survived the end of the world!"

"Cheers!" Our glasses clinked, sending good tidings for the new year.

* * *

"So, you guys are from America, right?" Phil asked.

"Well, yeah."

"So do you have crackers over there?"

I looked at Micah. "My family didn't over the Christmas period, but they did when they had people over for New Year's Eve," Micah said.

"Really? Where did you find them? My family has never had crackers," I added.

"Walmart, Target, the grocery store, anywhere, really."

"Huh."

"So, you've never tried this before?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, last year at uni."

"ONLY?! What? What?" Dan's mind was blown.

"Well, yeah."

"Okay, you need. A cracker baptism," Dan announced, collecting all of the crackers that he could find. He guided me to take one end as he took the other. One after one we opened the cardboard tubes, making our apartment smell like a bonfire. The jokes were so stupid that we laughed at the pathetic attempts to be funny. The cheap plastic toys made me happy.

"You have officially been exposed to the crackers," Dan announced, making the sign of the cross on my forehead.

"There's no going back." We laughed.

* * *

Someone tied a piece of fabric around my eyes, blindfolding me. "Guys, I don't want to draw Spongebob on Dan's face. Guys! I can't see anything. I don't even know where his face is." I couldn't see anything as someone handed me a sharpie. "Is the cap on?" Someone said no and guided my had to someone's face.

"Yep, Atari. That's my face." Dan's voice was muffled as the fabric was over my ears.

"What is this?"

"That would be my eye," he said. I laughed.

"And this? I think it's your mouth."

"Yep. Thanks for letting me taste you."

"That's what she said." He laughed. "Now come over here, I have to draw a sponge on your head." He chuckled as I attempted to draw the cartoon. There was the wiggly box, going over his eyebrows, cheekbones, and nose. Now he has two eyes, okay. And a tie? I'll put his shirt over here. Oh, that's his ear... "I done goofed." I was giggling at my failed attempt. He has some arms and legs. And shoes? Yeah, because of the loop-de-loop and pull song. He also has a mouth, okay I'll place that on Dan's nose? "DONE!" I said, pulling off the blindfold. Dan looked absolutely insane.

What I thought was good, turned out to be terrible. The lines weren't connected to each other like I thought that they would be, the "box" was more of a pentagon, and it looked like a five year old tried to draw. "How terrible does it look?" Dan asked.

I looked at the other people around us, Adam took Kelsey home, leaving PJ, Chris, Micah, Phil, Dan, and I together. We all tried to keep the giggles inside. "Looks great, Dan," PJ reassured.

"Looks like a pen threw up on your face," Chris said. "But besides that, it looks beautiful. Like a picture."

"Your forehead is a masterpiece." Phil was holding Micah together, because she wouldn't stop laughing.

It was honestly the most fun I've ever had.

* * *

"Here, this is for you." I handed Dan the little birthday bag as he handed me a Christmas one. "I know it's not very festive, but I hate wrapping, so yeah."

"It's beautiful. I love it already." I laughed at his sarcastic answer. We pulled out the tissue paper, revealing the gifts.

"This is perfect. I fucking love hats." I grabbed onto the slouchy knit hat and put it on my head. It was a light blue colour, matching perfectly with my hair. I hugged him, thanking him over and over again. "Open yours!"

He laughed at the sticker, saying how he will put it on his macbook as soon as possible. Dan's reaction the the wallet was perfect. "Okay, this is great. How did you find this?" Dan flipped over the wallet, examining all of the iron on patches that I found, consisting of Super Man, Adventure Time, a llama, and a "LOL".

"I've had those for a long time and never used them. I found the wallet at some thrift store, so it's actually worn down like that, instead of artificial. And now all your money won't fall and end up in some charity man's pocket." He laughed and hugged me, making me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world.

* * *

Thank you to my avid readers: ciarathellama, Towiaaayudothat, and x Vanity Insanity x. I love you guys (:

AN- Tell me any ideas that you have for friend zone stuff! It will most likely be used. Truth or Dare questions are welcome. PLEASE.

AGAIN. FRIEND. ZONE. STUFF. AND/OR. TRUTH OR DARE/ WOULD YOU RATHER QUESTIONS. Thanks.


	13. Friday the 13th

I woke up at three in the afternoon with Soup purring loudly in my ear. She decided it would be an excellent idea to lick me and curl up right where my mouth was. Thanks. But even that couldn't make me upset. I got out of bed, let Soup stay on my pillow, and turned on my boom box to OK Go's 180/365, replacing A Rush of Blood to the Head.

So maybe I was stupid, but I could be stupid forever, with Dan. My head hurt a bit, but I was okay with that. I am pretty sure that anything could tear through the house, like a giant moth seeking vengeance, and I would be perfectly cool with it. A hoard of fucking Daleks could rampage through my house and I would be okay with that.

Not even an hour later, Micah came in. "Someones happy," she observed as she shrugged off her bag and coat.

"I'm just normal. I finally got all of the forms that I needed to fill out done in only an hour. I'm fantastic." Honestly, I was. I didn't have to fake it like I had been for a week around Micah. I know that I'm shit at it, but I really tried.

"Yeah. Just normal. You finally gained the courage. Congratulations. You win a... toaster..."

"A toaster?"

"I'm sorry, it was the first thing that came to mind." I laughed at her and went to my room to turn down the volume on the small stereo system.

"So want to go spend my money with me?" she asked. It was sunny and nice outside.

"Weren't you going to save it up and pay for the last of your uni tuition?" I asked.

"It's Christmas money. I'm sure they would like me to do more interesting things with it. Plus it was only two years, I've got my savings pretty high from the amount of pay checks I've been keeping, and I'm almost there. So I get to have fun with this."

"Well, in that case, sure. I'm done with work today."

"That took you so long the other day. Good to be motivated, kid." Micah was already dressed cute enough, but I had to shrug on a Wonder Woman t-shirt over some light blue skinny jeans and pulled the hat Dan gave me over my hair. The hat smelled like their apartment and Axe, making me feel at home.

"Here's your coat. Did you give water to Soup?" she asked.

"What?"

"I said did you give wat-"

"I know what you said. I'm the one that feeds Soup. You hate her." I was astonished. Was my kitty growing on Micah?

"I don't hate her. I just... Well you know... She's not all that bad."

"YOU LOVE HER, DON'T YOU. OMG YOU LOVE HER SO MUCH. YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN PHIL. FINALLY." I ran up to her and gave her a hug. Holy crap! I can't believe that she actually likes that cat. A month ago, all she could talk about was skinning it and making her into a purse, cooking her for dinner, feeding her to rats, etc. SHE LOVES HER. "Micah and Soup, sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-"

"Ew. I don't kiss animals."

"YOU'D KISS SOUP BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER."

"I don't-"

"YOU CAN'T DENY WHAT'S INSIDE." I rubbed Soup against her shoulder, making cooing noises.

"You're so childish. Let's go."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay and love Soup? She'd appreciate the admiration." I continued to torture her until she gave me a death glare and I couldn't talk between my laughter.

* * *

We we crossed the street from our apartment building, stepping in the slush with our old Vans, getting our socks slightly damp. I missed doing this kind of thing, just spending time with my best friend. We brought up inside jokes like "Flaffy" and "you've lost your privileges". Micah is a naturally clumsy person, tripping over the slightest changes in altitude on the sidewalk.

You'd think that with us living together, we would be sick of each other by now. But that's hardly the truth. She goes to work in the morning with me asleep, I wake up while she's gone, she comes home, we eat, she goes to bed, and I stay up until she has to wake up. It's usually an awkward process, making us aware of the other's happenings by the mess in the kitchen or the placement of items around the house.

In fact, we actually don't socialize much, either. When we do, she's telling me about Phil, work, her art, or some story that I haven't heard before, and the same goes for me, only usually I just come up with sarcastic answers to her rhetorical questions. It was rare that we actually did anything together besides tumblr and play board games.

So while we were going through her many stores to get random items that she found amusing like an earring for her industrial bar that looks like an arrow through a tiny heart, a Finish This Book by Keri Smith, some high waisted shorts on super clearance (I tried to remind her that it was winter, but she wouldn't budge), a lighter shaped like a fire extinguisher (even though I'm the one with all of the candles), a candle that's "mine, Atari, you better not light it!" and smells like sugar and butterfly laughter, and a bow tie with tiny triangles on them. Also, I made her buy me food.

And then there were those ridiculous things that we couldn't understand the appeal of. I'll give you an example:

"What?" I asked as I saw an entire rack full of shirts that had something to do with "twerking". "So women are actually out there wearing shirts about how they like to practically strip. WHY?"

"That's so weird. Who would want that?" Micah asked, acting like the fabric was disease -covered.

"Excuse me, but those are really cute. I have a ton of them," some girl with the worst fake tan and terribly over-dyed bright blonde hair, her roots showing, said with a look of disgust on her face.

"Why am I not surprised?" I said. Micah pulled me away before I could properly respond, making the girls face even uglier than before.

"What was that for?" she asked between giggles.

I laughed with her. "She deserves it!"

"Did you see the look on her face?"

"Cost of t-shirt: fifteen pounds. Cost of her fake tan: five pounds. Cost of her facial expression: priceless." We were both laughing so hard that tears were running down her face, and I looked like I was laughing, but no sound was coming out. My God, it was perfect. She looked like one of the ugly step sisters in Cinderella that was surprised that someone isn't shallow out there.

Another absolutely horrendous item that we found were... mustache stickers for outlets.

"Okay. I'm done with mustaches." Micah was sneering in disgust.

"Yep. They are so overrated." We were going to be on our way out of the store, when we turned the corner and saw an entire wall of mustache-related items. "Don't blink, Micah. Whatever you do, don't blink."

"It's terrible. I never thought the world would come to this."

We then proceeded to run out of the store, avoiding the wall of overrated clothing. Why did we go into that store? Because there was a giant ass clearance section, something that my best friend couldn't pass up.

"Okay, women should never, ever, ever, want to grow mustaches. They are terrible and cheesy. Like when someone makes a Chuck Norris joke, or uses the word "hashtag"on facebook or in real life. The horror." I shuddered.

"I mean, they used to be adorable, like on stuffed animals or emoticons, but now they are just... dead."

* * *

When I got home, I went on the computer, like I usually do. Do you ever get those songs where you NEED to listen to them, or you're going to explode? Well, my brain decided that I was going to listen to "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz, when I went on my rarely used YouTube with about 6 or 7 vlogs that I've done with friends, short films done for video projects, and a couple game walk through's. Before that day, I had about 30 subscribers that didn't really care about me, and were probably obscure people in odd countries. But then... it happened.

I mean, sure, Dan subscribed to my YouTube, probably just to message or something, but he did. And then linked it underneath the video he did with me.

OVER FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE were "subscribed" to me. MORE THAN FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE. And I had about fifty seven inbox messages. I forgot about the song that took me to the website anyways and focused on the fact that there were that many individual people all sitting around their computers, all clicked onto my channel. and 3,298 of them watched my videos. WHY?!

And when I told Micah, she had a "brilliant" idea; make a video.

I mean, sure I had a really nice camera that shot really nice pictures for the price, but that didn't mean that I had the ability to make a video. So what did she do? Well, my best friend texted Phil to come over and help me make a video. With the help of Dan. So, like the girl that I am, I checked my reflection, making sure that I didn't appear terrible. Content with my wrinkled outfit, I went to the living room with my camera in hand.

Once he got there, it was still only five in the afternoon, them both overwhelming me with tips and tricks of YouTube. "Okay, remember, be yourself, Atari.", "But don't do anything obnoxious." "And be funny." "And it wouldn't hurt to be overwhelmingly sexy." "Dan! But be relaxed."

"Guys. Calm your tits, I'm not that awkward." Okay, maybe I am, but it's okay. It's only a video, right? "Will you guys be in the video later? I'll introduce it and stuff, but I'll need someone else so that I don't collapse."

"Sure, sounds like a plan."

So after about only five minuets of planning the video, they set it up on their tripod, pointed at me. I felt like a million people were watching me. Sure, I was in drama in high school, but I knew that this was going on the interwebs. It would be on there for forever, and I couldn't deal with the pressure. So I began.

They told me that it was starting, and so I said "Hey internet. So, today I checked my YouTube that I hardly ever use, and saw that there were actual people, sitting at their actual computer, actually watching my videos. They aren't even good. I know I'm not supposed to admit that, but it's true. Now, I sat down today and decided to make a video response to your subscriptions to my channel. Holy shit. It's mental! Okay, so anyways, some of my close friends, that you all know and love, gave me a million hints on how to make good videos. I'm supposed to be myself, yet be relaxed and normal. I'm supposed to be sexy but have you guys like me for me. You watch the two boys that do this all the time. I never do. Christ, I sit in my apartment and play video games for a living. I have talked to my friends, and they advised me to make this. In fact, I've practically been forced to make it. Instead of making it terrible, informative, and very stupid, I decided to have those boys guest star in an Atari is not amazing type video."

The boys made an explosion noise, Micah behind the camera, widening the frame. She isn't in it on purpose, Micah hates having any sort of picture of herself.

"Hi internet, I'm Dan."

"And I'm Phil."

"And I'm Atari."

"So you guys have asked this girl over here some questions regarding our friendship, and if she knows things about us."

"And some of those questions were quite odd. Does Phil wear boxers or briefs? What?! Why would I know that any more than you would know that?"

"I don't know, Atari..." Dan suggested.

I laughed. "So they are going to ask me your questions and I'm going to respond."

"But we need cat whiskers to do that."

"What?" Dan pulled out a sharpie, drawing cat whiskers on my face and a black dot on my nose.

"Cat whiskers unlocked."

"Let's start this bitch," I said.

"Is your body ready?" Dan asked.

"Um. Yes, my body is ready."

"Okay, first question; are you friends with Phil?"

"Phil? Who's Phil? I... I don't know any guys named Phil," My voice was serious. Phil was making an sad face, almost identical to the emoticon.

"Next question! Okay, so how long have you known Dan?"

"Oh, not that long. He just came into my apartment one day with a camera and woke me up, then followed me around all day. Later, I found out his name, and that he had been stalking me." I laughed at Dan's face.

"No, I didn't, for the record. I'm normal. I don't need an abortion!"

"Yes he does."

"How would you know?" Dan asked, fake-shocked.

"Reasons..."

"Oh God. Okay, how old are you?"

"Sixty nine."

"Okay... Next question."

"OMG YOU STOLE MY DAN."

"Is that seriously a question?"

"Yes."

"You're welcome."

"You're so nice, Atari."

"Oh, you know."

"Where did you get your shirt it's so cute."

"Um... a thrift store?"

"You're such a hipster."

"Shut up."

"Ermahgurd are you and Dan dating?" So I was silent at Phil's question.

"Did they seriously ask that?"

"Yeah, look." I looked at the screen of Phil's phone, seeing that someone did indeed ask that.

"I'm in a serious relationship with my X-Box. Sorry, Dan." He pouted.

"Poser. I bet you've never even read any Marvel comics. Don't we are dat if you don't know the Avengers." Dan's voice was a mock of a valley girl.

"Bitch, please. Don't even talk to me about the Avengers, peasant. I bet you don't even have your own YouTube. You've got a question about them? I can answer it right away. Come at me."

"ZOMG DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE WHATS THEIR ADDRESS?"

"Up your ass. No, I'm kidding."

"Okay, last question. When did you two meet? You're so cute together."

"Well, it all started on a dark and stormy night. I had just gotten done at my job of..."

"Stripping."

"Dan!"

"Well, you want to tell the truth, right?"

"Dan, I'm... I'm not a stripper."

"Well, that raises a ton of questions."

"Well, sucks. Let me finish?"

"Fine. But let's just say that you were."

"I'm not, but whatever. Okay, so I was leaving work when I stumbled upon this loser over here, completely stoned. So I, being the female version of Thor, picked him up and took him to his house. I am a hero."

"Okay, no. That's not what happened."

"Don't deny it, Dan."

"Bu-"

"Goodbye internet!"

* * *

AN- filler chapter. Sorry if I offended anyone with a mustache obsessions.

Review Question: Have you ever been friend-zoned, or friend-zoned someone else? Tell me about it.

My Answer: I have friend zoned a guy named Garrick. Sorry, but I have. I was just not into him as more than a friend than a boyfriend, so I told him that and now he still likes me, but I've kept it friends. HE WAS SO BORING TO TALK TO. We never had an actual conversation.

Grandpa Update: He is still alive, and the other day he said that HE GOT 8 HOURS OF SLEEP. THEN WOKE UP, TOOK A SHOWER, AND FORGOT HE HAD CANCER. He was smiling and joking and talking for a really long time, claiming that the morphine worked. It made me happy, but he almost cried, thinking about how he might not be here for next year's Christmas. And I think that I just set myself up for a regret: I didn't say goodbye. Or a final "I love you."


	14. I Was Four Plus A Ten

SO MANY THUMBS. ALSKDJFODIFASODKAJSDLFK SO MANY COMMENTS. I CAN'T. THE FEELS. ASDFGHJKL. THE YOUTUBE.

It's okay, I'm all good. Woah. That is a lot of people, I thought to myself.

"I'VE GOT A POCKET GOT A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE. I'VE GOT A LOVE AND I KNOW THAT IT'S ALL MINE WOAH. OOOO-OOO-OOOH." I was singing in my bedroom, refreshing tumblr and making Micah insane. Phil was over and they were hanging out in the living area, leaving me to stay peaceful and not-so-quiet in my room. There was a beautiful glow from my lanterns, the wires strung up discretely around the walls. The only other light was from my laptop as I wasted my time. Spotify was open, and I was feeling nostalgic and lazy.

When I feel lazy, I tend to clean up and fix my hair, makeup, outfit, room. You know, whatever I can really get my hands on. So, I proceeded to have chopped off the few centimeters of split ends on my brown hair, make my eyes look kinda cute, my laundry put away and in the washer and dryer, and my room actually looking nice.

"BAHHH SUMPWENYAAAAAAAAAAA BABA BEAT SHE BOH BAH." I started singing along to "The Circle of Life" from the Lion King when someone knocked on my door.

"Yeah?" I asked, sitting cross-legged on my bed, the computer on my lap, a blanket tossed around my shoulders. I paused the song, looking up to find Dan with his own computer.

"Hey, um, I'm doing a live stream and they wanted to see you."

"I feel like a pet that you never let out of it's cage," I said as he came to sit on my bed next to me, fitting me into the camera's view.

"What were you doing? There were some weird noises coming from this room."

I blushed. "I was listening to "the Circle of Life" from the Lion King, I had to sing along. So what is this?" I asked him, referring to the screen where there was a large box of continuous questions and comments being thrown towards us. Our faces had really bad quality on the web cam, but there was enough lighting to make it the best that it could be.

"Well, I talk to this camera and the people out there on the interwebs ask questions."

"So, wait. This is live?"

"Yeah. Hence the word "live stream"."

"Dan, I think that's two words."

"Shut up." He laughed, exposing his dimples that always brought a smile to my face.

"So will you answer the questions that they ask you?"

"Sure why not?"

"Okay, I'll let you choose." I sat next to him, skimming the questions that changed every thirty seconds.

"So Justin asked me what my favourite band was. That's such a difficult question. I like everything from Coldplay to My Chemical Romance to Of Montreal to Arcade Fire to Of Mice and Men."

"What is Of Montreal?"

"What? Are you joking? They're fantastic, though rather inappropriate."

"Sounds right up my alley." I laughed.

"These people ask so many things. Whoa. It says that someone took our picture. Is that normal?"

"You're so new to this entire thing." Dan laughed at me, I scooted over so that we were closer, making my entire face fit in the screen.

"Don't judge me." I pulled my hat over my head, hiding my face. He laughed and pulled it off my head, so being me, I scrambled to get it, not caring about my hair. For about five seconds I was pressed against his chest, getting slight whiffs of his cologne. I then was victorious and captured my hat.

"What is your favourite video game? Jaime asked me. Oh god. The feels. Okay, my favourite to play is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Nintendo 64 game, I love Wind Waker from the Legend of Zelda games, and I may or may not be addicted to Skyrim."

"Atari?"

"Yeah?"

"Who is that with you in some of those photos?" I laughed shakily.

"Okay, that's Ben, this is Anna, Austin, Chance, Oliver, Madi, and Jake."

"No, I mean the weird one of a guy derp facing on your ceiling."

"Oh. That's Matt.. He's one of my best friends since forever, we were friends since age 8. Do you remember those crappy disposable cameras?"

"Yeah."

"Well we found an old one in freshman year of high school and it turned out that we took some really... great... pictures. We are hoping that it was accidental, but ever since I initially got that picture, it's been on every ceiling that I've ever slept underneath. That sounds bad. But it's true."

He chuckled. "You slept beneath this guy for how long?"

"That sounds terrible, Dan!"

"Look at that attractive face. Is there one of you?"

"Yep, underneath his ceiling."

"I bet that got all the guys."

"We derped before it was cool." I reached towards Dan and touched his neck. He jumped back, making weird noises and covering his neck.

"What the fuck was that for?" He exclaimed.

I was laughing. It was literally the best thing ever. "Well someone said to touch your neck."

"So you did it?!"

"Well, yeah."

"If they told you to jump out of the window, would you?"

"Well, no, but this didn't seem too deadly."

"Christ, woman. Don't do that!" He was still getting over it, shuddering and rubbing his neck.

"I think that I will. That was fun." I was smiling, the comments saying how they appreciate how I just went and did that.

"Remind me to never talk to you again."

"Aw, don't be like that. Come on, I didn't know you'd freak out like that."

"Yes, you did!"

"Well, I thought you might, but I wasn't one hundred percent sure."

"Let's change the subject, yes?" He looked at the comments. "Christ, guys, Phil isn't here, stop asking for him."

"Am I not enough?"

"They might stick around if you take off your shirt."

"Oh, fuck off. I think they'd stay if you took off yours."

"A glamorous image of all this manly muscle." I laughed at his attempt to flex. Though, honestly, he was quite fit, giving my brain happy mental images.

"Someone asked about my most embarrassing moment. Oh, god. Okay, so, in elementary, we were at an assembly in the gym, and since we didn't have stands, we all just sat on the ground around the side of the gym. Now, every time we went , I always got stuck in the back, but now, I was finally in the front! So the school mascot comes running out, and he keeps getting closer...and closer... And closer to me... Till he fucking runs my 8 year old self over! They had to walk me out of the gym in complete while I was crying... It was horrible."

"That sounds absolutely terrifying! My God."

"Yeah, needless to say, it took years to go to one of the basketball games because of that stupid ram." I sighed and shuddered.

"So is that the only embarrassing moment that you have? Because that's weak compared to all of mine."

"No, trust me, there's a lot more. Once, when I was around the age of fourteen, I was biking with my friend Anna, right? Well she had an extremely attractive sixteen year old brother named Trevor. When I say hot, I mean Channing Tatum and Kellin Quinn had a child hot. Well, I was biking with her and he was mowing the lawn, shirtless, and the second that he looked up, my bike went out of control, and I fell, scraping both of my knees in the process. Yeah. That made me look really mature." I cringed just thinking about it.

"Ouch. I've told the internet some pretty interesting stories. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that screws up. Ooo, look, pac-man! Where did you find these?" Dan grabbed my pillows shaped like the retro video game.

"I don't know, my dad found them. Christmas was spectacular."

"And you got this hat." He poked my head and I stuck my tongue out at him, cause I'm an adult. I do adult behavior. LOL NO.

"The Canadians would disagree."

"What do they call it?"

"A "tuke".

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, just look at the screen. I think your viewers like me more than you."

"Pshaw no they don't."

"I love these people. You guys made my day a little brighter. What is my last name? _, why?"

"They want to stalk you."

"Don't stalk me." I feigned terror as Dan laughed.

"When am I getting off? Why do you want to know?"

"That didn't sound right, Dan." I responded. He chuckled and looked back at the screen while fixing his hair.

"Well, I'll leave when Atari kicks me out of her house."

"I can do that? Geez, if I had known, you'd be in your apartment by know." I winked, telling him that I'm kidding.

"Let's go on a field trip for food!" Dan decided. He picked up the laptop, carrying it awkwardly so that the camera could see half of his torso and my face behind him. "Do you have any good food?" He whispered, we went into the kitchen to avoid interrupting Phil and Micah, scavenging for sustenance.

"Probably not. Wait, we have Pocky and Doritos. Is that good enough?"

"It shall do."

"If you keep coming over we won't have any more food in the house."

"I don't eat that much!"

"We don't have that much food. We eat it ourselves. We are fat. Very fat."

"Look at your arms! You're not fat! Jesus, girls are strange."

"I meant that we act as though we are fat. I'm surprised we aren't a billion pounds each."

"You should see Phil and I. All we do is eat."

"Seriously? Christ, you don't look like it. Guys are weird."

He smiled at the camera and I couldn't help but smile along side him. I couldn't stand how perfect he was. I could feel his leg against mine as we sat back down, continuing the conversation with the people on the other side of the screen.

"What is your favourite Paramore song?" Dan asked, reading it from the screen.

"Oh god. That's a tie between "Misery Business", "Fences", "Misguided Ghosts", and "Conspiracy"."

"Only?"

"Well, there are so much more, but I'd be listing almost all of their songs."

"Of course there are."

"Do you remember when "Crushcrushcrush" first came out? Probably not, but my friend, Micah, and I were so obsessed with it that all we did was listen to it. That was about the time that "Hoedown Throw-down" was a big thing, so we would go over to each other's houses and learn the dance moves to it."

"Dedication. You must really love your Hannah Montana."

"Nobody's perfect! You live and you learn it!" He joined in as we sang, then totally forgot the words...

"Oh god, someone said to do the hoedown throw-down dance. I don't think I remember."

"Let's look it up. For science!"

"For science!" We looked it up on my laptop, abandoning my Disney phase. "Okay, we should probably stand up for this."

"True." We stood up, facing the camera at us while we attempted to dance. "The website, eHow, is telling me to 'pop it'. Let's read this."

"Start with your feet about a shoulder width apart facing the center of the room. Pop with your left arm by extending it out as far as it can go with your fingers extended." We did as Dan directed, looking quite stupid.

Through each step we continued to look like idiots. "Lock it" made us look like damaged robots. "Polka dot it" ended terribly. "Country-fy it" had us reminiscing about Hillbilly Moments. "Hip Hop It" made us die from laughter. "Hawk in the Sky" made us try to fly off the bed... "Side to Side" had us crashing into each other. "Jump to the Left" made us trip and fall on the ground. "Stick It and Glide" was the one we actually nailed. "Zig Zag Touch" made us look so terrible that we were just forever embarrassed on the internet. The final step, "Shuffle In Diagonal" was some sort of penguin mating ritual.

"This was not a good idea."

"No."

"If you're watching this, post a freaking video of you trying to learn this. I want to see the actual way to have this work."

"You know, I thought that it was going to turn out a lot worse than it did."

"We could be background dancers, couldn't we? Let's make a business for that." We laughed, agreeing to add it to our bucketlist.

"Do I know any other Disney songs since I was singing "Circle of Life"? Um. Duh. I could sing any song from Mulan, The Little Mermaid, or Aladdin."

"That's rather impressive."

"Yes it is. My flatmate hates it."

"Why?"

"Cause when I'm on a Disney kick, then all I do is sing the songs. I serenade her 24/7."

"Should we sing "A Whole New World"?"

"The viewers think that we should."

"Carpe Diem."

"One, two, three." We began singing, looking at each other, and using very many hand gestures. I was proud to be able to say that we both started by reciting the words to the beginning of the scene.

"How are you doing that?" I was Jasmine.

"It's a magic carpet." He was Aladdin.

"It's lovely."

"You, uh, you don't want to go for a ride, do you? We could get out of the palace, see the world."

"Is it safe?"

"Sure, do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

We then proceeded to use my blanket as a magic carpet, me behind Dan, just like the movie. He sang all of the parts that Aladdin did, and I sang the higher, girly pitches that Jasmine can reach. Our bodies exaggerated the movement that they did. Okay, so maybe we looked up the video as well, but we did have it on mute, just to keep things fair.

We laughed at each other, realized that we were adults, making fools of ourselves on the internet.

"Wow, I've been on for about an hour and fifteen minuets. Okay, well I think I'm going to go."

"Bye internet!" we said in sync, making us laugh. He clicked a little button, signing out.

* * *

Dan's Point of View

Doo doo doodooo getting the post, yay. I was in the lobby, unlocking my postbox and grabbing the few letters and tucking them under my arm. I was waiting for the lift and just as I was about to go in, a guy yelled for me to hold it. I did, naturally.

The young man had an American accent, was carrying a suitcase, and dressed like a tourist. His hair was longer and an orange colour, he had on a pair of black jeans and a shirt with the Who on it. This guy had muscles larger than his head, and he was tall too. About ten meters in height. That might have been an exaggeration but it certainly felt true. "Thanks, man." He looked incredibly familiar, but I couldn't tell who he was. I hate that feeling.

"Any time."

"By the way, do you know a girl named Atari? I'm trying to look for her apartment."

"Yeah, why? Are you going to attack her or something?"

He laughed. "No, Micah and I set up my trip over here. I'm surprising Atari."

"What's your name?"

"Matt. What's yours?"

"Dan." The box made a dinging noise, signifying that we were on the third floor. I was walking with him behind me, his suitcase held in his hand. "Atari!"

"Yeah?" she opened the door, letting me in. Pause for a second. She was so beautiful every time I saw her. She had on just a simple long sleeve shirt with an upside down cross, her fit legs had grey skinny jeans. And the best part was that she was wearing my hat. Okay, press play. She looked up at me and had the biggest smile on her face. She looked elated. She let go of the door handle and came towards me. I was so happy. She was excited to see me? Whoa.

"MATT!" Atari ran past me and went to hug this complete stranger. He dropped his bag and picked her up, twirling her around in a circle. "I've missed you so much!"

My heart kinda broke a bit. I mean, she's mine, right? I was so close to calling her my girlfriend! What right does this guy have to take her away? Get your own bitch, mother fucker!

They were way too close for my liking. There was a shade of green clouding my vision, seeing how it took me about a month and a half to be able to hug her like that and now she's going and hugging someone else.

"Dan, this is Matt. Matt, this is Dan. He's one of my closest friends here in London. Micah! Matt is here!" she yelled out into her house. I was happy that I was one of the closest, but I wanted to be _the_ closest. Full stop, end of question. I wanted her to introduce me as her boyfriend, or something more personal. Close friend just sounded like an insult.

My thoughts were cut off as Micah came to give him some sort of handshake. Maybe he was just closer to Atari than Micah? The hand gestures were overly complex, making me dislike him even more.

As they discussed his arrival, I made some excuse about getting my mail back home. Atari looked sad, like she wanted me to stay, but said goodbye anyways, overwhelmed with Matt.

When I got home, I guess that my face gave my emotions away. Phil asked me if anything was wrong, his voice etched with worry. I said that I was fine, when jealousy was eating away at my insides.

* * *

Review Question: What bands are popular in the UK?

My Answer: Uhasodjfadas I don't know. Help? Been addicted to BBC Radio 1...


	15. Quarter Past

"Remember when we went over to each others houses and played on the slip n slide?" Matt and I were sitting next to each other on the floor, playing the Nintendo 64, reminiscing about our childhood.

"How could I forget? Do you remember when I started dating Ash and you stopped talking to me until we broke up?"

"He was terrible! He told me I was a jerk in fourth grade and then spit on my new Nikes."

"Oh no. The horror." Matt laughed. "He was good at art though."

"Duh. That's why I continued to hate him. He could draw things so much better than I could."

"Shut up, you know you can paint like fucking Picasso."

"And you can draw without erasing."

"So? Have you seen your work? Your paintings of Ariel are perfect."

"Oh, shut up. You make me blush." I laughed as he was playing Raphael in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle game. It was perfect. I missed him. I mean, he was my neighbour, he was there for everything that I went through. "God, Raphael, I am going to feed you baby heads on a dirty plate." His threats were always terrible with such serious facial expressions. "He was not the worst of your boyfriends though."

"What are you talking about? I had great taste in guys."

"Yeah, great taste my ass. Remember Robbie?"

"Well-"

"No, you know he was terrible."

"Come on, I ended up breaking up with him."

"True, but I had to convince you to."

"Thank you, by the way."

"You're welcome."

We played in almost silence after that, enjoying one another's company. "Have you finally broken up with Ben?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?" I told him the story, including the part that Dan had a role in. Matt's reaction when I told him what Ben said was great for his kill streak with the pixelated monsters. I was Mychelangelo, following behind him closely, not being able to get a hit at the mutants due to his mauling. But once that level was done, I told him about Dan. How he helped me, how it would have sucked if he wasn't there. How he reminded me of the time that Matt came over once I broke up with Josh, my heart in need of an ambulance.

"Dan seems like a nice person," Matt said.

I battled against one of the many vicious attacking... orange... things... then grabbed the pizza before Matt could. "He is. I mean, we argue sometimes, but it might just be because we are rather alike."

"Has he ever hurt you?"

"Not intentionally."

"So he has?"

"No, it was my overreaction that sent me into heart break and agony, not him hurting me."

"Well, you do have a habit of doing that."

"Not all the time, just occasionally."

The screen told us in pixelated letters that this level was complete, making us happy about our progress. We clicked the save button and turned off the television.

"So what do you do in London, anyways?"

"Usually I just sit at home and go to the store for food. When I was in university, I actually went out and got shit-faced a lot of the time."

"You? At parties? I would never have guessed." His voice was filled with sarcasm. So maybe I went to more than a few in high school. Bite me.

"Shut up, I was in better control than I was in high school."

"I'll believe that when I see it. When does Micah get home?"

"Uh she gets home around four usually, sometimes five. What time is it now?"

"About three. We could go wander around London, you could give me a tour, introduce me to people that you know. And then when Micah's done, we could eat fancy London food."

"Sounds like a plan, let me look decent first."

To be completely honest, I've never really noticed the way that Matt looked. He's practically my cousin. He's lived across the way for my entire life, and seemed like the immature boy who ate worms when we were young. So the only time that I ever took into account the small changes that have gone about him, it seems shocking. I feel like I'm still five-year-old Atari talking to five-year-old Mathew. He's not this big tall man with great hair, he's a short, awkward middle schooler that threw bingo chips down my shirt. We've been through too much to ever think of each other as attractive without a lot of alcohol.

I could live with this kid and not feel strange about him coming into my room when I don't have pants on. I don't care anymore. Sure, in high school it was weird, unnatural, but now it occurs normally.

In this apartment, we had a few extra rooms that we barely used, leaving them with boxes of things that we felt that we needed to keep, wrapping paper, and a place for guests to stay instead of having them sleep on the uncomfortable sofa. Matt was staying in the one that was actually occupied on occasion. It had a simple twin bed with Powerpuff Girl sheets and a couple quilts that Micah couldn't get rid of. We wash them before company comes over, obviously, but other than that, we don't really go in there much. It was pretty, nicely done, but not as loved as our usual bedrooms.

He was messing around my room, asking me all sorts of questions about different items as I changed into a long sleeve black shirt under a Power Rangers sweatshirt to keep me warm and some simple skinny blue jeans. I explained to him the background of each and every object while I applied eyeliner and tugged on my shoes. Matt was rather hipster, not going to lie.

Matt was one of those people that judge you if you aren't exactly what he expects you to be. It's not necessarily a bad thing, or an annoying thing, only an inconvenience.

But like a cool person, he was already prepared. There was a Joy Division shirt on under a grey hoodie under a leather jacket. Around his neck he kept his large professional camera. He had on orange skinny jeans and a pair of fancy shoes that I don't understand.

He was always very proper with everything. Even as children, he always kept his shoes perfect. He would be swallowing handfuls of soil, but keep his outfit perfect. And to this day, it bothers me to no end. I treat my shoes like some people treat scrubby clothes; messy, dirty, riddled with holes, and abandoned. So if I stood right next to Matt, his shoes would shine where mine were a muddled broken pair.

The buildings touched the sky, clouds forming at the top of them. I seemed so tiny and unimportant compared to the looming towers above our heads. "When I first came here, walking down the sidewalk scared me half to death."

"Well I can picture that, since you're used to much smaller areas. These are giant compared to Iowa. I mean, there were decent structures around there, but not like this."

"It's not that bad once you get used to it, though. Christ, it's cold out." I hadn't been out for a while, receding in the innermost confines of my apartment.

"It's not that bad, come on. This is beautiful out."

"Shut up." He laughed at me.

We walked through the crowds of people and I tugged him inside a small coffee shop. "You need something warm," I decided. Mumford & Sons played quietly in the speakers as we waited for the couple in front of us to be done. The atmosphere was beautiful, smelling slightly of cinnamon and nutmeg, the air warm and inviting in the harsh winds outside.

"Remember when we would go to your house and make shitty coffee and pretend to be adults when we were about eleven?" he asked, chuckling to himself.

"Of course I do. It was so funny. That was the worst concoction that we have ever made."

"We put salt in it because we thought that was what our parents did." I laughed as we stepped up and ordered our drinks.

"Two large mochas to go, please." Matt placed our order, recalling what we always got back at home.

"That'll be four pound twenty two, please." The woman's voice was monotone, until she looked up. "Atari! Why didn't you tell me you were coming into this part of town?! What have you been up to lately?" Chelsea was a friend of mine from college.

"Well I didn't know until this guy suggested that I give him a tour of London. Why didn't you tell me that you got the job?" I was happy to see her. It's been way too long, yet just the right amount of time.

"Oh, I've been so busy, I thought I already told you. What's your friend's name?" Chelsea asked Matt.

"It's Matt, doll. I'm visiting Atari from the US."

"Aw, you're American. That's no good." She got out our change from the money that I handed her. "I broke up with Steve. Did you get rid of that Ben guy?"

"Yeah." She leaned towards me, letting her blonde hair fall on the cash register, her almond eyes scoured the room.

"Good, because I have heard some nasty rumours about him being a total man whore. He broke up with his latest love and is going from woman to woman. I heard he has an STD. I didn't want to be the one to break it to you."

"Oh God. That sucks. I'm so glad that I'm not with him."

"Me too. Oh crap, there's more customers. Text me, okay? We need to hang out more." She gestured for the next group of people to come closer. "What can I get you?"

We grabbed the cups from the end of the counter and left the warm building. The chill in the air bit at my cheeks. The pollution was low, making breathing easy. Bikers raced through the crowds, zipping between people, clad in warm clothing. The ones that were driving were stuck in some major traffic, making me feel sorry for the poor suckers that didn't take the underground.

I showed him the London Film museum. He marveled at the things that I saw three times while I lived in the UK. I had to physically pry him away from the Doctor Who section. He photobombed many people by Big Ben, and took some of his own with his fancy camera. He was astonished at how "British oh my god I can't understand what these people are saying" everything was. He nearly fainted at the sight of how many books there were in the library.

"You are so lucky. I'm stuck in an office, filling out paper work about people's bank accounts while you're here living the life. I don't want to leave. Look at how many perfect places there are to draw!"

"All I know is that I've found very many inspirations from the sour people that walk the streets over here for future boss monsters."

"Quite literally, I bet. They must think that I'm such a tourist."

"Well, to be honest, the majority of them are tourists themselves."

* * *

"Look, Matt! A wild Micah has appeared!"

"Quick, Atari. Catch it!"

I pretended to grab a pokeball from my belt as I shouted "Go Magikarp!" and I then proceeded to throw the imaginary pokeball above my head at Micah who appeared out of For the Love of Dog, waving goodbye at the people inside. She stood there, not amused as Matt and I laughed.

"And you wonder why you're single, Atari." She smiled as she walked towards us. I stuck my tongue out at her. "Very mature."

Matt then proceeded to find a tourist store that he _had_ to go in (apparently) to get an overpriced tie. Slow claps for you, Matt. Way to be.

I felt almost like an adult. I mean, come on, I spend my time in my apartment playing video games. It was a beautiful thing, to be able to stay out as late as I wanted, go home to my own apartment, eat my own food, do my own thing, that I had been taking it for granted. But I felt like the adult that I wanted to be. I wanted to have a cat, my best friends, and fun. I got all of those, plus London. I had no complaints. Until I saw Dan, and realized that I was definitely going to be alone forever.

* * *

Dan. Yeah yeah, I know I complain about it, just shut up?

I do have a life, okay? I actually have real life friends that live outside of my building and have social life. I know, it sounds absolutely mind blowing. What?! Dan has friends?! I do. They're okay.

But as we were walking around downtown, my friends Pj, Chris, Ronnie, Amelia, Phil, and I were walking downtown London, just wandering around, enjoying our time before we went over to Chris' house. "Hannah!" Amelia found one of the friends that she swore was going to find somewhere around here. Now we could finally go to the underground.

"Micah!" Phil exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" He went to go hug his girlfriend while Atari fake-gagged.

She was always so beautiful. I honestly don't know how she does it. The weather was cold and slightly wet, dark clouds hovering above us. Yes she looked fantastic. What?! And it was so modest as well. But then. My eyes landed on the arm around her shoulder. Him.

Matt really got on my tits. I mean, what right does he have to come here and take her? She didn't seem to be minding it, though. They both smiled at me and waved. Her Power Rangers sweatshirt would probably look like an old man's skin on any one besides her. And she didn't even know it! She probably threw it on this morning, in the same room as Matt. I do not even want to think about him being around someone so gorgeous.

Maybe I was a little jealous, but it wasn't that bad. I mean, I just wish I knew if they were dating, or friends, or whatever the Hell they were. Where was he when she was sobbing in the underground? Not him. Me. That's right, bitch, move aside.

She came up to me and gave me a quick hug, too fast for my liking. Atari introduced Matt to PJ and Chris, saying that he was her friend from America, not giving me any clue as to if he was anything more, or how long he was staying. I want him to leave.

Phil ended up dragging Micah with us, leaving the other two alone at around eleven at night. I could tell she was wide awake, and knew she would be for quite some time. To Chris' house we went.

* * *

AN- So yeah it sucked, but the next few chapters shall be worth it! :D


	16. I Am Sixteen

Matt and I were standing outside of my bedroom door, both admiring the work that we just did. Little did I know that he was saving up all of his new (to him) road signs from the various places that he's been. Okay, so maybe not all of them were stolen like we used to during the summers, but they were beyond cheap. "I found this one with Tom and Jasper, some buddies of mine from college. We went to Canada for a week in the summer, just for fun. And we remembered you." He was pointing at one that looked like an average US sign, but apparently was from a different country. There was a newly added Mexican one as well as one from Alaska.

We used to ride in his car, just driving down the street, the seats comfortable, the air inside was always perfectly warm, and he always blasted the stereo. It was never, ever top 40, usually only including the occasional rap song mixed in with his deep dubstep. The bass slid through the car, beating in my chest, limbs, hair. Better than any drug, it was physical music. The car's velvet interior fixed around my sides, letting me settle in, feel the entire sway of the car, the bumps of the road, the beat of the music.

We didn't care if someone was going to pull us over. We didn't care how loud it was, our ears used to the eruption from the speakers. We only cared that we could feel it. Every weekend in the summer, we would drive far out, usually just as fun. But then he would spot a road sign. It was just any old road sign, but maybe it had a bit of graffiti on it, a broken corner, a scratched out number, and he'd point it out to me.

Then we started confiscating them. They were never hard to take off, the quality somewhere around the seventies, the weathered and faded colours were bleached and obvious. The nails were always just holding on, almost thanking us for taking the piece of metal off of them. We did make sure that it wasn't something important like the only speed limit for twenty miles, a stop sign on a busy intersection, or anything like that. It was always something that the world could live without.

Now they were scattered around my door, making me drown in the music, sinking into the sound. It would buzz in my fingertips whenever I touched the signs as if they remembered the music, the summer, the laughs. And it's almost as if they spread that to the others. Those were the happiest times of my life, especially when I brought Micah. Anna would do my nails and I'd listen to music in study hall with Austin, Oli would be over to make after-school snacks because he always left his key in his house, and Chance would be there for me to talk to about the petty drama that seemed to matter back then. But I always had Matt to take me driving, letting me sit there next to him, the one who actually had the license, taking no caution to tell him what to do. When everyone else was busy, I'd walk across the street to talk to Matt. I missed it.

But new signs were added, new pieces of metal, new memories. The wall still buzzed with excitement, and I was still happy. Sure, I missed it, but what can I do about it? Exactly what I'm doing now, enjoying life as it's thrown at me. And I knew that I could at least have contact with the people that I've yearned for.

* * *

Micah

I had never been to Chris' house before, so I was thankful that i was with other people, so I had direction. Atari has always been better at that sort of thing than me.

The lights were on, but not very bright, only the necessary illumination required for seeing things properly. I won't lie, there was alcohol there, but we were being mostly responsible. Phil and I were sitting on the couch, watching the scene unfold. There weren't too many people here, just the perfect amount. Chris' food wasn't running out entirely and the place wasn't even a mess. Music was playing under the noise of the multiple conversations around the house.

"Unaceptablleeeeeee condition! Unacceptableeee!" Phil was doing his impression of Lemongrab for me. I giggled at his adorable expression, and his sweet laugh that always makes me happy. If they could bottle his laughter and sell it, I would be addicted.

"These lumps. You know you wannaslumpupon... these lumps. But you can't cause you're a chump. A chuuuuuuump," I sang like LSP, my favourite character ever. She's so weird, yet fantastic.

"Brad, I'm ready for you Brad."

"How could you, Brad? You told me I was the hottest one!" We laughed at each other, closing the small distance between each other's leg. I blushed, even though I knew that I shouldn't because we were, after all, dating. I'm so proud to call him my boyfriend.

The music stopped, slowing down the conversation. PJ pulled out a guitar, slowly strumming. "Amelia, I, uh, I wrote this for you. It's called "Pandora". I hope you like it. You always said that you liked the story." He began softly singing to perfectly imperfect brushes against the strings. Amelia came over from the corner that she was standing in, giving glances around the room. She sat down by PJ and listened, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"May I have this dance?" Phil asked, standing in front of me. When did he get there?

"I would be honoured." I stood up as he pulled me a few feet in front of the sofa. Phi's arms encircled my waist and pulled me closer to him. I took the innitiative and reached my arms to wrap around his neck, my fingers toying with his black hair as I stepped closer. My head rested on his shoulder.

"You're beautiful," Phil whispered into my ear. I blushed, happy that he couldn't see it from behind him.

"You're handsome. Thanks for being here for me." He pulled back to look me in the eyes.

"No. Thank you. You're fantastic." He kissed me quickly on the lips before the song ended. We sat back down, being joined by Dan on the other side of my boyfriend.

"Amelia, would you like to go on adventures with me?" PJ asked the girl in front of him, holding her hand like a life jacket.

"Yes. Ohmygod, yes. Always." She hugged him, and at that moment, I felt like everyone around me was just generally happy.

"I hate life," Dan grumbled. Okay, well maybe not everyone.

"Why?" Phil asked as Dan went to get another alcoholic beverage. He came back with two beers for Phil and I and a bottle of whiskey for himself. Phil tried to stop him, but it was already a bit too late.

"Cause I don't have the perfect girl here with me. I want her on my lap." I laughed at that.

"You what?"

"Right here. Away from Matt," Dan was slurring his speech terribly. "She's too good for him."

"What?"

"He's such a tool. Can't she just sit on my face or something?"

"You need to go home, Dan, you're drunk," Chris said from across the room

"I'm fine guys." Dan stood up, and then fell over.

"Do you need some help?"

"I'm going to call Atari, get some help over here," I stated, dialing her on my phone, everyone thinking it's a good idea.

* * *

Atari

"Your phone is ringing," Matt said from the counter, holding the iPhone.

"Toss it to me." He did as I told, and I caught it, being careful to keep it in my hand.

"Hello?"

"Atari?" It was Micah, obviously, but the sounds of a party were quiet in the background, only Dan's voice above the rest.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that you could come escort us home? Dan's drunk and we don't want to get lost."

I looked down at my Breakfast Club pullover sweatshirt and leggings. "Sure, why not. Where are you?" She handed me to Chris who gave me the address. Only about twenty minuets away from me, conveniently. I told Matt what was happening, shoved on some shoes, put my crap in my bag, and continued to venture into late night London.

The streets were alive with people from spectrum's a-z. I tuned them out with Crystal Castles sitting in my ears, playing all the way on the subway, getting a prime seat against a window, alone. What would Dan need me for? Phi would certainly be fine with taking care of them on his own. I guess it was necessary support? I got a few chapters into Mrs. Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children when the train came to my stop. I was more comfortable walking around the residential part of London, viewing all of the beautiful buildings, very few of them with lights on, probably already asleep.

I missed when I would fall asleep on the sofa and my parents would carry me to bed. I missed counting my crayons to make sure that they didn't get stolen. I miss ignoring boys because I was afraid of cooties. I miss that. Now I'm an "adult" and have responsibilities.

I finally came across the house that I was looking for, and walked in, seeing as the screen door was the only one closed, giving me a view of the people inside.

They welcomed me, hugged me, and told me that Dan is hammered. Yay. Can't wait to take him home...

"Hey there," Dan said when I saw him.

"Um, are you okay?" He put his hand dangerously close to my butt.

"Of course. And you're fine."

"I think you've had enough." I took away the bottle of gin, handing it to Chris. We said our quick goodbyes and tugged him away. He was leaning on me for support.

"So where you with that Matt guy?"

"Why?"

"I should be around you more than him." Dan's voice sucked when he was like this, his face flushed, his eyes different from his normal state. I knew not to listen to what he was saying.

"Drunken words are sober thoughts," Micah whispered in my ear.

Dan continued to rant all the way to the train. Then he decided that he had to sit close to me. I mean, extremely close to me. If he was sober, I wouldn't have minded one bit, but I knew that he didn't mean it. "Have I ever told you have beautiful you are?" He was staring at my lips, making me kind of uncomfortable. He's drunk. This is not good, Atari.

"Nope, I do not believe so. Personal space, Dan." I gently pushed him back, only to have him put his hand on my leg.

"You're perfect."

"Dan." I moved his hand from my leg to his. It was a game of cat and mouse the entire ride. I didn't want to make him move too much because by the end of the ride he looked absolutely green. Phil and Micah were giggling ahead of us, Dan had his arm around my shoulder, mostly for propping himself up off of the sidewalk. The pavement was damp from the spits of water from the sky. I was happy for them and when they fell on Dan. He needed the water, and to be clean.

* * *

We did eventually get him up into his apartment. While the other two went to Phil's room, I was holding Dan's hair away from his face as he hydro pumped into the toilet. So attractive. It was whatever, though.

After it seemed like his stomach was empty, and he was still awake, I suggested to him that a shower would be smart. So he mumbled about me joining him. I weighed it out. The pros; he's clean, doesn't smell like puke and tequila in his bed, he doesn't remember in the morning. The cons; stuff might happen, both of us, in a shower together, he won't remember in the morning.

I went with not today. Phil and Micah came out, Micah saying goodbye and kissing him on the cheek. "Hey, Phil, umm. Dan is kind of sick in the bathroom."

"Not again. Okay, I know what to do. Thank you so much, Atari."

I left, my belongings intact, and a feeling of happiness washing over me. Dan was so perfect, even if he was drunk and stupid.

I would probably be there again tomorrow, helping sober up three hung over people. Matt asked me what happened, why my sweatshirt was slightly stained, and why my hair was a mess. I explained, and told him that Dan doesn't like him for some reason. He was curious about that just as much as I was. I mean, why would he hate Matt?

* * *

Thanks goes to ciarathellama for giving me excellent ideas for this chapter and the last (: You rock.

Question: What were your New Years Resolutions? Yep, referring to his video. Yeah.

My Answer: First, I don't want Dan to change. At all. 3 but yeah, mine are boring. See, last year when I tried to actually excersize and become thinner and whatnot, I gained really bad depression and bulimia. yayyyyy. It wasn't only the fact that I actually went to the gym, it was that I was soooooo obsessed with the want to be thin. So this year, I want to be fit. Cause I haven't been trusted around scales. Like literally every adult that knows me, takes my scales away. I can't even know my weight. Ah the little things we take for granted. The gym's scales suck and ain't nobody got time for that, plus it's awkward weighing yourself in front of other people.

My actual resolutions are - seize the day - get the tattoo that I've been promised - get my industrial bar - become fit and healthy - go 3 or so months without self harm - write more - make more art - get a new pillow LOL

Did you know that my other friends actually sleep? They actually go "outside" and "play sports" and they're involved in these "extra curricular activities". It's so... weird. I'm part of the All Time Low fandom, the Maximum Ride fandom, the LOZ fandom, the Phandom, and some other ones, and am so dedicated to each one that I can't sleep because of them. Too many feels.

I'm so obsessed with Dan and Phil, that it's not even funny. I have dreams about this. I write for this. I talk about this. It's like fanon goggles because I can't even asdfghjkl the feels all the time. just flaskjdgopwhibasdl kfaw and I can't deal with it. I need some serious help. If there is a fandom rehab out there, please tell me.

Guys, if you log in, and review, I RESPOND TO EVERY ONE OF THEM. I'm not even kidding. If you have ANY ideas at all, please tell me. I want to hear them. The odds are, they will be used. Just saying. So click that sexy little button down there, log in, and I'll talk to you :D


	17. Going on Seventeen

I raked my hands through my hair, remembering last night and the reason why I went to bed at three am when I told myself that I would go to bed at a decent hour. I came out to the kitchen to see Micah holding a bag of ice to her head and Matt finding coffee.

"My head hurts."

"Not my fault."

"At least mine isn't as bad as Dan's will be."

"Have you gotten news from Phillip yet?" I asked, getting my own cup of coffee. The mid-morning sun was coming in through the windows, making me appreciate waking up late.

"Not yet, which means he's still in bed or his phone is dead."

"That rhymed."

"Did you take any pain killers?"

"No. Obviously not. I figured that just ice would do the trick."

"Come on, Micah, that does sound like something you would say."

"Shut up, Matt. I can't wait till you leave." She was sarcastic, causing Matt to laugh.

"You'll have to wait another two weeks."

"I'm so happy that I don't have to go to work."

"I'm so happy that I stayed home last night."

"Hey, it was fun."

"What did you guys do?" I got myself a cup of coffee, pouring in sugar and cream.

"Uhhh well we all hung out, PJ played songs on his guitar, we danced a bit, and then Dan was wasted." I nodded, taking my coffee into the living area with my phone in my free hand.

"Move over.," Micah demanded to me, laying down on the sofa. "Did you enjoy Dan's behavior?" She was laughing as I lifted my legs over so she had room to sit, laying them on her lap.

"Oh yeah, just love having my drunk friend be a sexual predator."

"He was? Did he try anything?"

"Calm your tits, Matt. He was drunk." Micah tried defending him, then giving up from some sort of head pain. I picked up my 3DS and started going ham on a few new video games. I'm just happy to start something that's not focused on crappy dogs. While I was playing, I was tuned into their conversation, something about drinks, laughing at Micah, remembering old parties, and then eventually deciding on what to watch on telly.

New Years Resolutions have never been very good for me. I've told myself that I'll be social, clean my room, save up money, diet, exercise, create more, etc, etc. But I've only done about one out of twenty every year. Is that successful? I should make more reachable goals, shouldn't I? Well, this year, I decided that I am going to live in the moment more.

If I'm not happy, then I am going to change that. If I feel like going on a trip to some far away country, then I will earn the money, and go. If I am mad at someone, I am going to tell that person.

But honestly, I doubt that I'll actually do anything like that. For instance, I like Dan. I will openly admit it to my brain. I. Like. Dan. God, I feel like a fucking elementary student. Am I going to do anything about it? No, because it's me. I don't do that. It's so out of my comfort zone that I am unable to do anything about it. I'm all for direct communication and confrontation, but I choke up when I have to do anything about the person that I have feelings for.

But with Dan, there were so many things that I liked about him.

His eyes. I could just melt into his eyes, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. They were the perfect shade of dark brown, like chocolate. And who doesn't love chocolate? I could never decide if I was either going to continue to look in his eyes because they are perfect or avoid his gaze because I'm just sort of insecure.

His dimples are the cutest fucking things in the world. I can't even comprehend how adorable he looks whenever he smiles. I could be dying, and I swear to God, I would smile as long as he was next to me, a grin on his face.

Dan's entire being was perfect. I didn't care if he wasn't an Ambercrombie model. He was perfect. I felt protected around him, having him just the right size to be able to look over me, but not too much to make me intimidated. The way that he fidgeted with his hands and arms when he was telling a story made me comfortable around him, the same way that I was used to how he acted and moved. I just enjoyed being around him, physically. It's not a sexual thing, just a cuddly type of feeling. But I'm not saying that he's not sexy. That would be a complete lie.

Plus his stretched ears were just hnnnnnnggggg. And when he winked, it was just orgasm right there and then. God it's terrible. I can't even.

And his personality. I loved how sarcastic he was every second of every day. It was perfect because that kind of humour made me laugh every time. He was so outgoing and perfect for me. I knew that I could be serious around him instead of just joking all the time. To be completely honest, I can picture being around him for quite a long time.

* * *

Dan's POV

hopefully I don't screw this up

Picture a million snipers going off in your brain, coupled with a gross taste in your mouth and sore limbs. All I could remember was being in Chris' house, then the rest was blacked out, and I was at home, clean.

"Bet you had fun last night," Phil said as I came into the kitchen to get some coffee.

"I wouldn't know." He laughed at me.

"Well you and Atari certainly hit it off."

"Oh God, what did I do? Oh, shit. Fucking tits."

"You were just very drunk, Dan. Calm down, she knew that you weren't sober."

"Do you remember last night?"

"Sure, I had a responsible amount to drink."

"I didn't."

"Obviously. Oh, and Atari and Micah are coming over soon."

"Why?!"

"Cause Micah has a bit of a headache, and promises that Atari is good at this whole hangover thing."

"Oh, Jesus. This is going to bite."

The door opened and someone called out "We are here!"

"In the kitchen," Phil called out.

The two girls came in and Atari was smiling at me.

"I am so sorry for anything that I did last night," I apologized as soon as I saw her.

"Well I do not accept it. That was uncalled for, what you did. I shouldn't even be talking to you." Her voice was strict, but her smile told me that she was kidding.

"I am so so so sorry."

"'Nice pants, baby, what's the drop rate?' That wasn't even a good one. I mean, come on. And 'If Princess Toad looked anything like you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.' I felt so harmed."

"Oh, God. I am so sorry. I literally can't remember anything."

She giggled. "It's okay, I made sure that you were behaved."

"What did I do?"

"I don't think that you want to know." As soon as she said that, I was hit with a tidal wave of pain in my brain.

"You need actual food. How's your stomach?" she asked, concerned.

"It feels fine, but a little nauseous."

"Here, take these." She saw the face that I had on when I looked at the little pills in her hand. "Calm down, they're ibuprofen. And you should have toast and water instead of coffee. You might be dehydrated."

"When did you become an expert with hangovers?"

"Micah is the expert with drinks. I'm the one she goes to the next morning. It's worked like this since we were in high school."

"Oh, of course."

"Just eat."

I did as she told me to do, Phil and Micah following along side me, only their heads aren't pounding like mine is. I was honestly worried about the happenings of last night. Did we end up doing anything and I just couldn't remember it? What did I say? Life is so hard. I felt like a turnip.

* * *

Atari

A week or so later, I got a phone call from Dan. It was right as I was in the middle of playing Guild Wars in my footy pajamas from high school that look like Finn, Micah has matching ones of Jake. So what if I'm still a five year old? It's fun.

"Hey," I answered. Sure, we had talked since the drunken train incident, but it was via texts. It's been a while since he's called me.

"Hey. Whatcha up to?" I put him on speaker and set him on the table next to me.

"Playing... Aww fuck! Dammit."

"Um... That does not sound right." I laughed at his comment and continued to play.

"Just hold on ten seconds, I have to kill these things real quick." I did as I told him I would do, feeling good about doing it. Then I saved the game and took him off speaker. "Okay, that's better. Guild Wars. Sorry."

"You play that?"

"Yeah, do you?"

"Duh. I feel like a little less of a nerd."

"Me too, God, Micah doesn't stop telling me how nerdy I am. I'm honestly in footy pajamas right now."

"Is it bad that I'm slightly jealous?"

"Of course not, they're Finn from Adventure Time. Only the cool people wear footy pajamas."

"Oh, obviously. I am just the coolest. Single. Alone. In my apartment. Playing Guild Wars."

"It's a good life style."

"Very true. So was there a specific point to calling me?"

"You don't like my sexy voice?"

"No."

"You do. You totally do." I laughed.

"But seriously, was there?"

"Nope, just felt like shaking it up. Cause I'm mysterious and unpredictable."

"Ooo, I'm hanging with the cool people now, I can tell." He laughed, making me smile. I laid down on my bed, facing the ceiling. "What are you doing?"

"Editing a video for this week. Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any suggestions for the radio show that we do, would you?"

"Like musically or physically?"

"Both."

"I think you should play some old school throw back music. And the band Beautiful Small Machines. Oh! And the pokemon theme song. God, I love that."

"I've never heard that band."

"You should look them up."

"I will."

"How much space do you have in the studio?"

"Not too much."

"So you couldn't like fly around the room or anything?"

"I wish, but our production budget isn't that large."

"You could try to do hand stands?"

"Cause I'm so flexible."

"You could be! Okay, um, what about doing dares that people send in, like balancing things on your head, or eating foods, or something."

"Eating foods? Wow, that is so weird. Who eats food anymore?"

I laughed. "Oh, shut up."

"But in all seriousness, those sound like good ideas. Thanks."

"Not a problem."

* * *

That night I dreamed about him. It wasn't surreal in a "this would never happen in real life" type of way, but in an inception kind of way. It was a dream within a dream.

It started out with me in Starbucks, and Micah came running in, excited that she found me, because it was almost time for my wedding. And then we went outside and saw a man at the end of the isle in a tux and he had brown hair, hidden by a top hat. It was a casual thing, and I remember thinking "Oh, yeah, this is totally normal. I am getting married."

But then I woke up, yet I was still dreaming. It was a dream inside of a dream. I was in my bed, like normal, and Dan was beside me, saying something about waking me up. He kissed me and said something about how he was so lucky to have such a fantastic girlfriend. Then we were suddenly on the streets of London, just walking along, hand in hand. Everyone was taking pictures and we were on the television screens in the windows, but we didn't care. I was wearing a dress, something that I rarely do, and he had on normal jeans instead of jogging pants. We parted the crowds like the Red Sea.

Then we entered a store and he picked me up and swung me around in the air, like I weighed two pounds. And he laughed and kissed me again. I felt like the happiest girl in the world. He looked at me like I was the only reason that he smiled. Dan set me down on the counter of the shop, the rest of the room my kitchen, both of us alone, listening to some sort of music. He slid between my legs, holding me against him. "You're so perfect. I love you." He French kissed me like he really did love me.

Then I woke up for real, disappointed and upset that it was only ten in the morning and I was alone. I knew that sleep would never come back to me. The sheets weren't comfortable enough.

* * *

Yay. End of the chapter bit.

Guys, I have two tumblr accounts, a YouTube, and a twitter. If you want to follow me on any of them, feel free. The links are in my profile. I actually use them too, it's not just spam. I'm going to post on twitter and tumblr when I make a new chapter for this, so then you don't have to constantly check the email. (I never use mine). Plus you can talk to me and stuff. I have nothing better to do with my time.

In fact, I wrote this entire chapter during the time that I decided I would sit down and write the outline for the speech that I have to do for my Accelerated English class.

Review Question: How old are you? What grade are you in?

My Answer: I'm 16, finally. But I honestly act like I'm 16 going on 20, and I get told this on a daily basis. I'm in grade 10. Final exams are coming soon and I have not studied at all.

I'm just curious how old my readers are. What demographic I'm writing to and etc. It helps (: Love you guys.

And if you have noticed, I actually changed the names of all of the chapters to what I name them when I write them. I hope that doesn't screw you up :D


	18. Legalize It

Dan (though it's extremely awkward...)

the things I do for you guis.

Atari pulled my hand, and I followed. I was taller than her and she was leading me down a very long hallway, like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. At the end of the hall was my room. For some reason, she was dressed in a green dress that barely reached her knees. I took a look around me and noticed trees all over the walls of the hall. Everything was oddly sedated, as if it was in slow motion, backwards. My vision was in bright neon colours.

We went slowly, her pulling me and me following in a trance. She told me that I was going too slow and that we had to hurry. "You're going too slow," she said. She bounced with every step, her hair flying around her. Behind me, there was a giant beast. I was quite frightened. It wasn't just a casual beast with fur and animal limbs, it was a large person, flowing like a ghost. He was so tall that he didn't fit in the hallway, and shrunk with every step, accommodating to the space. His head was giant, never getting an ounce smaller. He was Matt.

Atari smiled at it as we ran down the corridor. We were going so slow, and I tried to go faster, but I couldn't. Atari was slipping out of my hand and the ghost was over taking me. She waved goodbye and held on to Matt's hand, slipping away from me. Then Micah appeared in front of me. We went at a normal pace, walking towards the room, seeing the two go into my room.

"She thinks he's the best." Her eyes were stern and before I knew it, I was falling into them, falling until I hit the bottom of a well. When I reached the end of the tunnel, there were giant spiders following me, chasing me down the way. Matt appeared again, shoving me back and forth, making me nauseous. Hands gripped at me, keeping me away from the door that I needed to get to.

The well turned into her hallway again, only every step I took, I got a meter taller. I tried jumping, but I hit the ceiling, crushing it above me. Crows flew down from the open roof, biting at my hair, and swooping up the spiders behind me. Matt kept chasing me, staying the same height. I couldn't do anything about him, though.

Before I knew it, I was taller than the tallest buildings in London, people clinging to my legs for fun. Those buildings and sky scrapers were forming trees, the structure as the trunk and branching out with rooms and desks and chairs for leaves. I was trying to get through the small door, unable to fit anything besides my pinkie finger inside the door. Phil grabbed onto my thumb and I hoisted the small figure up.

"You have to eat the key to get in. You don't have much time. The key is over on that building over there." He burst into sparks, leaving me with a burn on my finger. The place that he was talking about was the train. It kept moving every time that I tried to get near it, going almost the speed of light, turning into a caterpillar. Tripping over a root from one of the tree-shopping centers, I fell on top of it. My mouth landed on it, eating and swallowing the caterpillar whole.

My entire body began shrinking, getting me to an odd size that I was not used to. I ran back to the demolished apartment with only a door left standing. When I reached there, I was the size of an ant, unable to get the door open. It laughed at me and said "Fool! You have to eat me too, since you ate the key."

But I wasn't hungry. So I waited, slowing down my motion as I took one bite after another of the wooden door. After about five minuets of eating, the door disappeared, leaving me with a view of the room. Atari was laid out on my bed as the ghost of Matt played Scrabble with her. Atari looked over at me, her eyes turning into an emerald green colour. Both of the people were incredibly tall, their voices deep. But I could tell Atari was laughing, having a good time. I was jealous.

My comforter on top of my bed was hanging low enough for me to grab onto. I still had to save the girl from the ghost. I shimmied up the blanket, finally reaching the top. With even the slightest motion, I fell over. I managed to escape from the earthquakes by grabbing onto Matt.

As soon as I touched him, he shrank down to my size and I grew to a normal human size.

"Where were you?" Atari asked me, looking like an air brushed manga princess. Instead of the dress that she was wearing when we were slow motion running down the hall, she had on her average tight vintage tank top. It was questionable because she wore loosely fitting clothing the majority of the time, bought from the men's section of some store. Her chest was exposed, something that I'm not used to around her and her eyes were still an emerald green, gleaming in the light. But I wasn't complaining.

And if that wasn't odd enough, she then decided to come sit on my lap, facing me. My heart picked up it's pace as she put her arms around my neck and I put mine around her waist. I tried to ask her what was happening, and why, but my mouth wasn't working right.

"I missed you, Matt," she said.

* * *

My brain decided that I wanted to wake up, leaving me with two hours of sleep.

I rolled over, feeling weird about my previous dream. Does that mean anything? Why is that Matt kid haunting my brain? Come on, can't I have her? Matt has the ability to get anyone else, and I'm stuck with no one, not even a pet to keep me company. I know that there was always Phil, but what can he do? Don't answer that.

The sheets got tangled around me, my leg off the bed. Terrible enough, the clock said six in the morning, slight hints of sun peaking up out of my window, the curtains drawn, trying to keep out as much as I could.

I tried to go back to sleep, I really did, but I couldn't. No matter how many times I tried to get to sleep, it was no use. I was tired as fuck, but couldn't keep that girl out of my head. Phil was at our friends house, staying the night.

So at eight, I called Atari.

* * *

AN: Sorry that it's short. Hopefully you'll like the next chapter.

To whomever asked me if I like panthers... I'm not sure if that has a sexual connotation or not... but referring to the animal... I'll go with... I like them from a distance? Like I wouldn't want to wake up next to a panther. asdlgkjawohrasdfasdf the internet...

Question: What do you want in this fic? Is it getting to the end? Is it just the beginning? If you have any ideas, please share them

My mum found me a gift bag of Starbucks coffee and hot chocolate with two little cookies and I'm in love. Thanks for reading. Click the sexy button for the children.


	19. I Was Nineteeeeeeeeeeeen Caaalll Meeeeee

Atari

My phone was vibrating somewhere on my bed, waking me up. My clock said 8:09 am, and I was not happy. Who needed me this early in the morning? I located the phone and answered right before it would have gone to voice mail.

"Hello?" I said, half awake.

"Hey, Atari. It's Dan." Any hint of anger that I had vanished. I was left with squishy feelings in my chest and fireflies in my stomach.

"Hi. Why are you awake?"

"I couldn't sleep. Bad dream, I guess." He sounded tired, as though the life was practically drained from him.

"Is Phil there?" Which loosely translates to: Why did you wake me up when you could disturb someone else?

"No, he's over at a friends house." There went my plans.

"What was your dream about?" He sighed.

"It's kind of hard to explain."

"Did you try going back to sleep? Drinking milk?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Yeah. Didn't work."

"Okay, give me five minuets, I'll be right over." I could hear his slight protests, but I ignored them and hung up. I chicken scratched a note for Micah and Matt, telling them that I was over at Dan's.

In the dark, I grabbed my blanket and threw it over my shoulders, huddling closer inside of it, shielding me from the cold of the rest of the apartment. My feet were bare and felt like they were walking on ice as I set one foot in front of the other one on the wooden floor. The carpet of the halls were soft enough for my feet, the light above me, waking me up. When I stumbled into his apartment, I called out to let him know that I was there. Tucking my blanket of softness and dreams closer to me, I opened Dan's bedroom door. "Dan?"

"Yeah." His voice was an odd mixture of awake and sleepy. I saw him turn around. "Come here often?" I laughed at his pathetic attempt at humour and approached his bed.

"Scoot over." I demanded. He did as I told, getting closer to the wall. I slid back the covers and climbed in. The bed was warm and comfortable. I set the blanket on top of his thick bedspread. Then I realized that I was in just a giant black t-shirt and a pair of shorts... in bed... with Dan Howell. It felt a bit awkward at first, but I was too tired to have any motivation to complain. And really, why would I?

"So why did you end up coming over?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Not at all."

"I mean, how often do you have women coming over in the dead of night?"

"Oh, all the time. I'm just a babe magnet." I laughed lightly, too tired for anything serious. My eyes were drifting shut even as we were talking. "But, seriously, you didn't have to come over."

I curled into his side, using his bare arm as a pillow. "I used to have terrible nightmares as a teenager, and my parents never really cared. So I'd wake him up and he'd come to my room."

"And bam!, no more nightmares?"

"Well, there were still nightmares, but when I had them, he'd just come to my room and tell him stories or just be there. Sometimes all you need is another person next to you. It makes you feel like you're a child and your mum let you sleep in her bed."

"That makes sense." He put his arm around me, making it more comfortable for both of us.

"What was your dream about, anyways?"

A sigh escaped his chapped lips, an effect that happened due to his constant anxious habit of biting them. "Um..." he hesitated. "I was being chased by the guy that the girl I like, likes. The girl was leading me down this hallway that kept going and going and we were trying to reach my bedroom, but this guy kept chasing me and we were going super slow. Then she grabbed his hand and left me alone. So her friend appeared and I fell into her eyes, then was being chased by this guy again and spiders. Then I was in the hallway but the door was really small and every step that I took I got bigger and couldn't fit. But then Phil appeared and told me that I had to eat a key to shrink and then I went to find the key and fell and ate it. I began shrinking as I went back to the door and it told me that I had to eat it, so I did and it disappeared but I was the size of an ant. I saw y- I mean, the girl that I like on my bed playing Scrabble with that guy, but I couldn't reach them. So I climbed up the bed and touched the guy. Then I went back to normal human size and he vanished. Her eyes were this emerald green colour, too."

"Huh." I didn't want to pry for the names, especially because I knew I wasn't the girl. But I wanted to be, so, so badly. The only flaw was that I didn't like anyone besides him. But, I was just happy to be in his arm, under his bed sheets, his bare upper body keeping my clothed one warm, my legs pressed against his. It was the most comfortable thing I've ever experienced, even more comfortable than with Ben. It felt perfect.

"Yeah. And then she called me by the name of that guy."

"So it was more of a creepy dream than anything else?"

"Yeah. I don't know what it was, but it made me upset."

"I'm not surprised. It seems like you might be a bit jealous of this guy."

"Well, I want what he has. This girl is perfect, and likes him."

"How can you be so sure? She might like you back." I hope not. I didn't want him to be unhappy, but I wanted to be that girl. I didn't even know her name and I was jealous.

"I hope so. She's fantastic." My heart may or may not have exploded, damaging other organs in the process.

"Well, let's not talk about that right now. I realized that I can't fall asleep with deep thoughts in my head. It's too hard."

"That's what she said."

"Way to lower the tone."

"Like throwing a sausage into a hallway."

I chuckled slightly and cuddled closer to him. He sighed. I loved the way that I could smell his cologne, even though I knew he wasn't wearing any, just from the fact that I was in his room. If he got a girlfriend, I knew that I wouldn't be able to see him as often as I could then. It was hard enough with his constant YouTube videos.

"What shall we talk about then?"

"Everything. Nothing. Whatever pops into your head." He had one star on his ceiling, a single northern star. "I helped my brother put up glow in the dark stars to look like actual constellations when he was eleven."

"That must have taken forever."

"Yeah, but it helped me in my astrology class. I still remember a few of them."

"What are they?"

I pointed to the ceiling, outlining an invisible constellation with my finger. "That's Orion, it l looks like a person without a head or legs." I traced another one. "That's Cetus. This is Andromeda and Pegasus." We went on for a while, until I had run out of the ones that I remembered.

"Have you ever been camping far away from any major cities?" He asked.

"Yeah, once with my ex and some friends. The stars were so pretty, and the field that we found was in the middle of some woods, but totally barren. You could see the Milky Way and Jupiter and everything."

"I did once with my family and Phil. It was beautiful. I didn't even believe that there were so many stars out there."

"It makes my life seem so insignificant, in the scope of the entire universe."

"Humans are insignificant creatures, really," he said.

"Yeah, we are. Yet our lives cause the world so much stress."

"I know. But I mean, the rest of the creatures on Earth are just concerned about sex and food."

"Always comes back to sex."

"Not that it's a bad thing."

"Not at all. This is kind of reaching awkward territory."

He chuckled. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"Oh, yeah. Totally. So are you, I bet."

"Mmhm. I've never even kissed a girl."

"Me neither." We laughed, silently understanding the underlying Scott Pilgrim joke.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"Yeah. Are you?" I could feel the sand man pulling at my brain, the position the sun was in was irrelevant. I was only half awake.

"More than I was when you came over." We laid in complete silence, just letting sleep overtake us. I told myself to stay up, though. I wanted to know that he was going to go to sleep instead of just staying up longer, letting the dream haunt him. Not long after we stopped conversing, his slight snores hit my ear drums, giving me the okay to fall asleep. My eyes closed as I fell back into slumber.

* * *

I woke up the next morning facing Dan, comfortable in my position, cuddled flush against him. It was perfect. I could get used to this.

I'm one of those people that when I wake up, I can't go back to bed. I physically can't. I'm not even able to take naps. So I stayed in this position, breathing the same air, hearing his slight snores and stirs for about twenty minuets. I gave up trying to be perfectly still and slipped out of his bed. Stretching my arms above my head to get out all the little kinks from sleeping in an odd place, my eyes landed on his piano.

I didn't know he played. When I was a kid, I took lessons, but I couldn't remember any of the songs other than "Fleur De Lis". Would Dan wake up if I pressed a few keys? It was almost three in the afternoon, I think it's time he woke up.

I sat comfortably on the piano bench, my fingers lifting up the cover on the keys. I didn't remember anything, at all. Oh! I was able to play "100 Years" by Five for Fighting. My brain could only conjure up the right hand, the melody. I hummed along and I carefully plucked out the notes, trying to stay quiet. Eventually, after many tries, I found the right keys. I could get the chorus down, but had no recollection of the verse. My vocal chords hummed what I thought was the pattern.

I didn't get it. A figure came up behind me and guided my fingers along the piano, telling me what to play. I was so aware of the fact that Dan was right behind me, that I forgot about the instrument in front of me and focused on how painfully close he was. I wanted him closer, yet I wanted to push him away. Maybe I wasn't awake, maybe I was still dreaming, but whatever it was, it wasn't enough, and it was too much at the same time.

"Good morning," I said, my voice soft and shaky, despite my best efforts to keep it strong, dependable.

"Morning," he still had his sleepy voice. I bit my lip. His voice was sex. Focus, Atari. Piano. Get this right. Okay? Yeah, not happening. My brain was turning to mush as he picked up speed, me trying to catch up with his hands forming a beautiful melody on the keys.

"Did I wake you up?" Maybe I could change the conversation. But all I could think of was if he had his shirt on or not. This gave my brain another moment where it couldn't conger up anything other than "fuck."

"No, I've been awake for a while. Just didn't feel like getting out of bed."

"Oh, true." Was he awake when I was? His chest pressed into my back and I could feel his heartbeat. I was either going to run away and never face these feelings, turn around and ravish him, or just pretend that none of this was happening. I went with the last option. There was nothing to see here, Atari. It's just normal. He likes someone else, remember?

The memory of him telling me about this mystery girl broke my heart a bit and kept me focused on the ivory. Skin on skin didn't matter. We were just friends. We would always be just friends.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed.

Grandpa Update: He chose between years of chemotherapy or a comfortable death. He said that he wanted to die in his house, happy. I don't know if he has hours, days, months, or years. It's being played by ear now, and I'm scared. So I'm sorry if I don't update over this weekend. I'm going to his house to see him before anything bad happens. I don't want even more regrets.

Review Question: Soon I want some sort of Phicah moment. But I have no clue what to do for it. Any ideas?

Trying to make these spread out more, so that I can update almost every day.


	20. Teenager Scare the Living Shit Out Of Me

I liked him too much. I've been having dreams of us being together, always just in the same vicinity as each other. I liked him. But I can't do anything about it! I haven't even told Micah about it because that I'm afraid that she'll tell Phil and he will tell Dan and it will be one giant drama feast. I trust her to not do that, but anxiety gets the best of me at times. I needed him to be mine. I couldn't stand the fact that he liked someone else. She was probably beautiful. She was probably secure. And I didn't want a repeat of Robbie.

God, I need to get out of my own mind, escape the thoughts that pillaged my brain. So I went to the living room and joined my flatmate and her boyfriend. They had matching jumpers. I was slightly jealous. I wanted the third-wheel matching jumper. I plopped down on the couch, facing Micah as she was teaching Phil how to draw a satisfactory cat.

"What are you up to?"

"Nothin much."

"Come on, I know you better than that. What's actually going on?"

"Nothing, calm down." I smiled, showing her I was fine. I put on The Beatles into my record player, swimming in their old fashioned sound. Micah gave me a weird look, but continued drawing anyways. The light streamed into the window, and I was content with drawing as well.

I grabbed my notebook from my room and a pencil to write with.

Out of my mind, I conjured up a circle, continuously tracing the same line over and over and over again. It developed into a character that was actually quite heroic-looking. He had dark fringe, dark cartoon eyes, a pretty sword, a cute little fluffy hat, and elbow and knee pads over a t-shirt and jeans. It wasn't anything like Bryan Lee O'Malley or anything, but it wasn't crap.

"What did you draw?" Micah scared the living shit out of me. I jumped out of my socks, God.

"Nothing. God. Don't startle me like that."

"You didn't draw nothing, that's so cute!"

"What is?" Phil got up and joined us. "That looks like Dan!"

"Oh my God, it does!"

"It's just a character, not Dan. This doesn't look like Dan at all."

"It just proves that you liiiiiike him," Micah sang.

"You like Dan?!" Phil was so excited.

"Guys. There's nothing to see, go back to being all happy and couple-y."

"Atari, are you a bit jealous?"

"No, I'm just saying that you can leave me alone now."

"Do you want us to go get Dan?"

"NO!"

"Someone's a bit testy."

"You guys are such bullies."

"Let's look at the facts. You're so fucking flirty around Dan, you drew him-"

"I didn't draw him! And I'm not flirty."

"- you hang out with him all the time. You like him a lot, don't you?" Their stares were getting to me, and I couldn't take it. I had them on either side of me, burning holes in the side of my head.

"Okay, so I might like him a little bit."

"Just a little?"

"Yeah, not much. Just a little, you know. A little. Like... a pinch."

"Yeah, that's it." Sarcasm flowed out of Micah's mouth.

"It's not like he makes me smile and my time spent around him is the happiest that I've been around a guy for a long time."

"I heard that!" Matt yelled from the kitchen.

"But I was saying that I definitely did not feel that way. At all. And he likes someone else. So I should just move on."

"Who told you that?"

"Dan. I don't listen to rumours."

"He told you that he likes someone else?"

"Yeah. I'm not speaking Japanese."

"Huh." Phil was genuinely confused.

"But you like him?"

"I might. I mean, he's funny, and sarcastic, he's perfect for me, and he's so attractive. But he doesn't like me like that. So, I will be the adult and continue on my merry way." I tried to hide my hurt.

"Well... I guess that's smart." Now Micah was confused.

"Yeah, I'm going to just go to my room. Hope you don't mind. Got some Spirit Tracks to save."

"Okay, bye!" they both gave me good riddance and went back to talking quietly among themselves.

I went into my room, focusing on my own thoughts. My laptop found it's way onto my legs as I stretched out on my bed. I'll just kill some time on tumblr. I was just scrolling my way downtown when I came across a gif of Dan and I. I'll admit, it made me do a double take. It was just a simple black and white one, but it was from the video about girl's thoughts. We were both looking at each other, smiling. It was cute. But then I saw the comments.

I expected a bunch of negative view points. What I got was: "Omg, she's so pretty." "I ship Dantari" "Can't I be her?" "Are they dating?" "Not yet." "Do you think she has a tumblr?" "She said she did."

I continued scrolling, just letting that one slide, until I saw another one. This made me curious. So then I looked in the tags for "danisnotonfire" and it came up with a lot of gifs that made him look rather bad, some with Phil, some that made him attractive (but not nearly as much as the real thing), and then some with him and I. I had to make sure that this wasn't some trick that my followers were playing on me. I only had about seven hundred of them, but I considered that a pretty decent amount. Now I had over one thousand three hundred.

I wasn't sure if I hated this or loved it. I knew that if Dan and I started dating, it would become huge on the internet. I'd be in more gifs, be envied by teenage girls, and have the weight of being Dan's girlfriend on my shoulders. I have been exposed to the world. I will never be able to dig myself out of that. I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not.

Then I wondered if the girl that Dan likes has seen this. Would she be upset? Does she like him back? What is her name?

I didn't want him to like another girl. I wanted to be the girl that he fancied. I wanted to have matching jumpers like Micah and Phil. But I knew that would never happen. She's probably perfect. He even said she was. I bet she was taller. I bet she was a YouTuber. I can't see why this girl would like someone else when she had the perfect boy lusting after her so badly. He was head over heels for her. I bet she didn't even know.

I hated this. I should just let him be; distance myself. No one likes that girl that awkwardly hangs around when she isn't wanted. Was I a nuisance? What hurt was that I would never be perfect in his mind. That spot was already taken. I bet that she gets to sleep in his bed all the time. I bet she would know what it was like to actually kiss him instead of just dream about it. She's probably tall, too.

I knew that I had to give him space. I wasn't who he wanted. I would never be what he wanted. What's the point in staying when it's just going to lead to heart break? I don't want to get invested and then have him end up like Ben.

Phil came into my room, saying something about talking really quick. "You should tell him."

"But it would be a waste."

"You can't keep going on like this without doing anything."

"I know, but there's nothing better to do."

"Tell him. Come on, it'll be easy."

"Okay."

"Really?!"

"I'll try. No promises."

* * *

Dan's eyes were so bright and brown and perfect. I missed them.

Today he and Phil were at the BBC Radio 1 studio, preparing for their radio show. I was a bit worried.

There would be thousands of people listening to him and Phil. I knew that there was going to be those few girls that have never heard of him, listened to him, and fell in love. I'd be battling against THOUSANDS OF GIRLS. That's not okay. I mean, he is everything that I've wanted in a guy. Holy balls. Like what? I didn't even think that was possible. It's not like I dreamed of being a mother fucking princess or anything when I was a kid. But I did have a distinct idea of what I was looking for.

But then he would get more money, support, fame. I just didn't want to have to give him up. He'd date a famous YouTuber that's like him and pretty. I bet she'd be blonde. I mean, Jesus Christ, I was in my room playing video games in pajama pants and a tank top.

Then I heard Micah playing "Bye Bye Bye" by N Sync in the living room. I couldn't help but grab my hair brush and join her in the chorus. I may or may not have strutted out, over-dramatically flipped my hair as I came into the room. Just maybe. I remembered this mix CD that I made her. Oh God. This was perfect.

Was it sad that I remembered the dance? "BYE BYE BYE." I missed those days. Micah smiled at me, laughing through the lyrics that we both knew by heart. We literally sang this all the time, back when we thought we were cool and belly shirts were still in. We had Justin Timberlake, N Sync, The Backstreet Boys, and Aaron Carter all over our walls. We bonded over MTV's music videos and ate food from an Easy Bake oven, even though it always tasted like crap.

But I recognized the look on Micah's eyes. It was the same bright blue as they were eleven years ago, when all we cared about was if Theresa would come over later in the afternoon.

Matt came into the room, smiling and look at us like we were complete fools. We knew that we were and embraced that fact. It felt fantastic to be able to do this, not a weight on my shoulders. I knew that there would be the same worry and confusion on my back as I used to have, if not more, but for the moment, everything seemed almost... content. I was smiling. I was breathing. I was happy. That's honestly all I could ask for at the moment.

He was leaving in two days, and I was okay with that. He had to meet his girlfriend to go to Manchester, Italy, and Whales. Though the flat would seem barren for a while, I would be able to go back to my OCD ways and ability to not give any fucks about behavior.


	21. I NEED A BOYFRIEND

Slight trigger warning. Stuff might get depressing over here.

* * *

I starred at myself in the mirror. I tilted my head to the left, scrunching my brows together. Was it that I wasn't perfectly skinny like Micah? She always complains about it, but I don't see the downside. She had a distinct gap between her legs where mine just parted mid-thigh when I stood with my feet together. Her arms were so tiny. Mine weren't large, but they weren't like my roommate's.

Bon Iver poured out of my speakers, flooding my room. I was in my flat, just spending the day inside. Micah was over at Phil's place for the day. Matt was out alone in London, spending the day with some people that he met while he got the groceries.

My friends have always been like that; lovable, friendly. If you didn't immediately fall in love with them then there was something wrong with you. I wasn't always like that though. Matt has always been good at making friends with anyone. I'm not shit at it, but he gets the gold where I'm not even on the team. It's the same way with looks.

I compare myself with everyone that I see. It doesn't matter if it's Samara or Megan Fox, I take all of my flaws and hold them up to whoever it is that I've seen, and mine always lose. Why would Dan like me the way that I like him when I'm... me. Le sigh.

"Come on, skinny love, what happened here?" I lightly sang, embracing the fact that my voice sounds terrible. I think the depressing rainy weather of London has gotten me to look down on a lot of situations. Not that I used to be Little Miss Sunshine, but I wasn't all gloom and doom either. But either way, I knew that I could play this song over and over again and yet never get sick of it.

It's been four days since I talked to Dan. I've been trying my hardest to distance myself. I've been off tumblr for that long, as well as YouTube and facebook. I turned off my phone the other day, but Matt complained about it so I turned it back on. Matt leaves in two days to Manchester with his girlfriend who couldn't get off work until then. I think it's fucking adorable.

I stared at the reflection of my face in the mirror in front of me. My hair was nice, I guess. That's good. I kinda like my eyes. There wasn't much, but I was able to pinch my stomach fat. I lifted up the corner of my sweater, looking at the scars that would never go away. Robbie was terrible, making half of freshman year a living nightmare, literally. It got to a point where I couldn't distinguish what was real and what wasn't due to the way that my dreams were so vivid. I could feel the pain in my sleep, making me feel like there was a never ending amount of bruises.

God, this is too depressing. I tugged down my black jumper and went to investigate in some Kill Bill.

As I was watching, I got out my laptop from under the few books that I hid it under. Soup purred at me and rubbed against my leg while I opened up tumblr. My inbox had messages. What? I never get these.

I'm sorry to say that they weren't good. It wasn't anything about how they liked my blog, my videos, or my friendship with Dan. I breathed in deeply through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. Then I took another look.

"Don't date Dan."

"You're not pretty enough for Dan"

"We only watch your videos cause Dan."

"Can you get off the internet?"

And about 50 others.

I just love anons. Yay. I didn't take them too personally because they were young teenagers all over the world, upset about the fact that I am friends with their celebrity of choice for the moment. But the fact that they went to such lengths to find me, just got on my nerves. I mean, they shipped him with a fucking food, why be upset over him and I being friends? Chuckling, I went back to my dashboard. I was scrolling along when I came across a selfie that Dan took with me photobombing in the background. I smiled a bit, still not in such a good mood.

The rain came down harder, but I tuned it out and turned up the volume on the television. "This is why I'm okay with her.", "at least she's funny", "we couldn't all have him" "personally, Dan was the one photobombing."

The nicer comments on this one picture made me happy. Happy enough to dance? No way in Hell. But happy enough to go get food. I then proceeded to eat the majority of good food that we had in the house and max out my post limit. A solution? The Little Mermaid and finishing up Spirit Tracks for the third time.

Zelda really got on my nerves. Why didn't she save Link? Why couldn't it be Legend of Link with Sheik or Tetra trying to save him from Ganandorf? I mean, she has potential, and I'm sure that she would be able to do it. Why doesn't she? If I was a princess, I'd drive that motherfucking train myself and grab a sword before I left the castle. I'd be able to escape on my own in the first place. BAM a ton of the problems are now resolved. Done.

Maybe it doesn't make for as interesting of a plot as the other version would, but it makes me feel like I'm capable. I didn't care if it was because the majority of players were guys. I just wanted to be able to save myself. I wanted to be able to be independent. Then I wouldn't even have to worry about this entire YouTube situation. "You'd still love me, right, Soup?" I asked my cat. In response, she left the sofa to get some water.

My heart tugged as Dan flooded my thoughts. I saw his brown eyes starring into mine, his perfect smile, his laugh was on loop in my head. I couldn't get him out. He didn't even know the effect that he had on me. I couldn't even focus on the plot line of the movie, sing along to my fabourite Arial songs, or take in the posts that I was scrolling over. I combed my fingers through my brown locks, feeling the slight tugs as the snarls took into effect. This was easy. This is what I wanted life to be like. I wanted it to be as simple as brushing out the tangles in my hair. I could figure this entire mess out just by taking a comb to my head. That was it. Now I needed to figure out how to do that with my mind.

* * *

"Hey," Matt came into my bedroom, two mugs of tea in his hands. "What's up, buttercup?"

"Typing out my Spirit Tracks report."

"Sounds like fun."

"Fun as child birth." He chuckled and I saved what I was working on, grabbing the cup from his hands. The beverage was warm and sweet, yet bitter, just the way that tea should be. It took a while for me to get used to any drink other than diet sodas and water, but I appreciate herbal drinks quite often now.

"Are you going to miss me?"

"No." He laughed at me.

"You will. I know you will."

"Oh God, that sounded terrifying!" He touched the scared parts my knees. You would be surprised how often I used to skin them. I always got back up though, no matter how many times I feel off a rock, skateboard, bike, or roller skates.

"But seriously, will you be okay? Dan can take care of you?" I gave him an exasperated look. "I know, I know. I just need to make sure that I can leave my best friend all alone in some far away country."

"First, I'm not alone. I have Soup and Micah. Secondly, I've survived this long. I can continue on."

"I know you can. Oh, God. I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, You still have a day left, though."

"Yeah, then I leave with Maggie."

"Do you think you have a future with her?"

"Yeah. I mean, she's so perfect. You know I love you, but I can't stop thinking about her, even when I was here in London. It's only been two years, but I feel like I could be with her for a really long time."

"You don't want to rush anything, though."

"Yeah, I know. But, uh, if we did get married, would you like to be the best man?" I laughed.

"If you haven't noticed, I am not male," I pointed out.

"Well, I know that. I just want her to be able to choose the Maid of Honor, so that I can choose the Best Man."

"In that case, yes, I would love to."

* * *

Dan's POV

I swung open the door to the lobby of my building, feeling safer in the confined, warm space. Four bags of Tesco's was held in my arms, groceries for the next week or so, though I knew it wouldn't last that long, what with Phil around, eating all my cereal. I pressed the button for the lift, hoping that it would be fairly soon. The little arrow above the door light up as the steel death traps opened.

Atari, Micah, and Him were all standing there. I hate Matt. He stole my girl! When Atari saw me, she hid her head. Did I do something? Oh, God. What happened? "Hi," she said, sheepishly.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Matt's on his way to meet his girlfriend," Micah said. Wait, what?! They're dating? But she's already right there, I thought. Why would he have to go to meet her when she's standing right next to him? Then I took into account the suitcase that he had when I first met him.

"You're leaving already?"

"Yep, I've got a girl to go travel with. She should be arriving pretty soon."

"Sorry that we have to go, Dan. Maybe you could come over later?" Atari suggested. Micah was giving Atari and I googly eyes, switching between the two of us.

"Yeah, sounds like a plan. I have to fix up my latest video. Hey, have fun, don't get lost or anything," I suggested as they waved goodbye and left into the cold. I didn't even know that Matt had a girlfriend. Or maybe he was traveling with Atari. That would suck. But she suggested that I go over later. Girls are so confusing.


	22. Matilda

Micah

Bright blue eyes starred into mine as I fluffed his hair. Phil smiled at me, messing with mine. My Little Pony was playing in the background, a program that we gave up paying attention to long ago. When I asked him to come over, he agreed. I loved the way that I could melt into Phil, being comfortable in the oddest positions. He was so good to me. His arms were wrapped around my waist, our foreheads touching.

We started out by him playing with my hair once I got home from work. Though it was short, he was determined to braid it. Our coffee was set carefully on the table in front of us. Our skin was touching skin and mismatched fabrics.

"Micah?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you get so good at art?" I looked up to see his eyes staring at a piece that I just finished the other night and hung before he came over.

I laughed, "You can't just get good at art. I was just interested in it more than sport. So I went to university for it and took a bunch of art classes."

"Why aren't you a painter or an artist as your career?"

"Who really makes it as an artist? As much as I think that we should be paid like teachers, we aren't. And I love animals, so I work for a pet store. Sure, it isn't a lot of money, but more than selling one painting every two months."

"Well, I would personally buy all of your art."

"Oh, shut up."

"Dan would get so sick of me. I'd cover the entire house with your art. I'd hire you to do murals on the walls and ceilings." I giggled. "You could paint me like one of your French girls."

"I won't let go, Jack!"

We laughed together, I could feel his body shake underneath mine. He was so perfect and adorable. I kissed him quickly and he tickled my sides, making me laugh.

"Oh, barf," Atari said as she came into our living room. "Have you seen my black t-shirt with the upside down cross? I've been looking everywhere for it."

"Did you check the wash?" She gave me a look that said, "No shit, Sherlock."

"Noooooo. I didn't do a million loads of laundry or take half an hour to search for it there or anything."

"Calm down, there is no need to be like that," I responded. She laughed at me and left.

"You should have seen the way Dan reacted when he found out that Matt had a girlfriend," Phil said, his eyes trained on mine.

"What did he do?"

"He came in the door, found me and said that he should just end his life, how he's a turnip, and shouldn't be let out of the apartment, let alone be allowed to socialize. I asked him what happened and he swore something about screwing hipsters in Hell then stormed out of the room." He paused, chuckling. "He came out of his room later to play Skyrim and Guild Wars 2, but that was it. I don't even think he went to bed until four this morning."

"Oh, God. What time do you usually go to sleep?"

"Around one or so. What about you, doll?"

"I try to get to bed around eleven or midnight. I have work to go to the next morning."

"No you don't."

"Tell that to Atari. I'm sure she'd love to pay the bills all by herself."

* * *

Atari

"I'll make a man out of youuuuuuuu," I sang along to Mulan absentmindedly whilst I drank tea and sketched out a heroine for a new video game that I would love to be on the board for. I was thinking of putting a very controversial twist on it; homosexuality. Yes, where the player is a girl that saves a girl in one version, and a guy who saves a guy in another. I think that both would put a good spin on things, having the ability to choose whether you would want to be male or female and then going and fighting monsters and battling demons to save this other human. There needs to be more games and acceptance of this type of thing in general.

I was procrastinating taking a shower. I will admit that. My third cup of bitter tea was diminishing, a sign that I should get into the shower. I hated when Phil was around only because I couldn't sing as freely as I pleased. I mean, I still sing. But just not as obnoxiously. I have a specific playlist on my Spotify for songs to sing while I'm in the shower that is probably the most listened to playlist that I have.

I did eventually get the energy to climb into the shower. But once I was in there, I didn't want to leave, so I ran out of warm water and then made the decision of what to do next while I dressed in a yellow tank top with "security" in black and some old, destroyed skinny jeans, not giving a fuck as to how I appeared. Add some mother fucking mascara to my eyes and I guess that was good enough. I still wasn't pretty. Ah well.

Dan came into my head. Despite my hardest attempts, I couldn't stop hanging around Dan. I knew that I wasn't going to be his, but it was manageable. I can be his friend. Sure it may be awkward, but I support him in what he wants to do. He was just so awkward that I felt comfortable around him, relaxed, like I didn't have to impress him. I could be as articulate as I wanted without sounding too American, or complain without sounding too temperamental. And Dan knew that I had more than two brain cells, keeping me aware of how intelligent he was. But then again, I could just fuck off around him. He doesn't care if I snort when I laugh too hard and he picks up on my sarcasm and irony.

Once my hair was at a decently straight point, I entered his house as he suggested I do via text message to hear him singing around the flat. "I brought my iPod like you told me. But now that you're serenading me with this beautiful melody, I can see that we don't need it," I said as I came into the living room. "And you have your hobbit hair too!"

"Yes. But don't get used to this, for it doesn't appear very often." It was cute and curly, natural, and quite appealing.

"So why did you have me bring my iPod?"

"I was getting sick of listening to Spotify and wanted someone else's music taste."

"Well, here is my ancient dinosaur of a music playing device. Ignore the stickers." Dan took Shirley into his hands, moving her around and examining the worn down various animals and Lisa Frank adhesives plastered onto the metal.

"I'm afraid that I'm going to break it. Jesus, when did you get this?"

"Maybe 2006?"

"It's bloody massive!"

"Be nice to her, Shirley is old."

"Obviously. My God." Dan began searching through the wreckage that is my music.

"So what are we doing?"

"Board game? I found Battle Ship in Phil's closet and needed someone to play with me."

"So I'm not your first choice?"

"I tried asking Phil but he went over to hang out with Micah."

"I saw them being all mushy and disgusting. Laughing. God. Couples. They make me sick. No love or fun is tolerated within ten kilometers of my existence." Dan laughed at me.

"There will be no cuddling or cuteness!"

"Exactly. I'm so bitter," I said sweetly.

"Like an old lady waiting to happen."

"Well, I have one cat. Does that count?"

"Yes. You even named her Soup. What?!"

"Well Micah and I were in an argument as to what to name her, so we just started yelling at each other playfully and one of us said something about how we might as well just name the damn cat Soup, which made us pause, unsure of who's mouth it actually came out of. And thus, she was named Soup."

"That is one traumatized cat."

"Trust me, that cat has gone through so much. I wanted to name her Ugly or Slut, but Micah considered it animal abuse, so she wouldn't let me."He laughed, showing his dimple. He is too fucking cute for his own good. I sat down on the carpet.

He sat down across the board from me, his deep brown eyes still following the list of artists that I've listened to. "I see you have almost everything from Muse, Arcade Fire, Kanye West, My Chemical Romance, Coldplay, Alt-J, Of Mice and Men, Bring Me the Horizon, Ke$ha, Fall Out Boy, Ok Go, All Time Low, Pierce the Veil. Holy shit do you have a lot of music. Most of these bands I've never even heard of." I laughed, blushing slightly as he looked up with a grin on his face. I loved when he smiled. It could be the apocalypse and I would be comfortable as long as Dan was by my side, his face lit up with joy. "You have a really good taste in music."

"Thanks. That's the only thing that I really like about myself."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"There are so many good qualities about you, though."

"There really aren't. I'm nice, I know that. But besides those, there really aren't any at all." His face fell a little and he tilted his head to a side, like a pug when they didn't know what their human was saying. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You don't think you're pretty or anything?"

"No. Those ideas were squished a loooooong time ago. Let's set up this bitch," I said, changing the subject. He still looked at me oddly, but got the hint.

* * *

Micah

Phil and I were stretched out on our couch, adoring the time that we had together. I appreciated him so much. His bright blue eyes lit up the darkest of skies. He tied me down like an anchor yet let me float to the surface. I was comfortable, happy. It was great. I was aware of every inch of my flesh that touched his, every centimeter that wasn't by his skin. Sparks flew through my body like a million fireworks whenever I noticed how close he was to me. I loved cuddling with him. He didn't rush me into anything. He was so cute. Phil was practically designed for me.

I could talk to him about everything and anything. I spilled my guts to him the other day about all of my oppinions, and he was okay with it. Phil hugged me and comforted me, shielding me away from the rest of the world

"You're too beautiful." I blushed at his compliment.

"You're too handsome." Phil smiled lazily at me, dazing in the early time of night, our eyes coming to a close, comfortable about taking a nap out on the couch.

But I surprised him by planting my lips over his. He responded right as I pulled away. "What was that for?"

"For fun. Can I do that?" His response was a kiss, more forceful than I was used to, but perfect nonetheless. I melted into his mouth every time. There was just something about him that made my brain short circuit, the only feeling that I had was in any part that came in contact with Phil.

"Aw, shit. They're being cute," Atari announced, standing in the doorway. We pulled away from each other and blushed. "Don't mind us. Just preparing for a Michael Cera movie marathon. Have you seen my copy of Superbad?" Of course, she would love to ruin this moment. Phil and I reluctantly pulled away a bit more. "Dan! Did you get the popcorn?!"

"Yeah. I think we've got Coke back at our place."

"Okay, well I've got almost all the movies." Atari stretched above Phil and I to get something from the shelf above our heads. Sigh. Phil poked me and gestured nonchalantly to Dan who was smiling at Atari, like she was perfect. Dan had part of his bottom lip between his teeth and his hands in his pockets. Then his facial expression changed into confusion. I think he saw her scar that was forever embedded into her hip, and I was praying that he wouldn't bring it up in front of Phil and I. Atari had to tell Dan sooner or later, on her own.

"Got it. Leggo." Dan held out his hand for her to go first, she curtsied and left.

"We won't wait up," Dan said, winked, and exited.

"Would it be cheesy to ask where we were?"

"Not at all," I said as I took initiative and kissed him, making us fall back into our stupour.

* * *

Atari

There seemed to be torrential rain pouring down the windows, the speed increasing of what it was. I didn't mind the rain. "He is my favourite actor, hands down."

"How so?"

"Because I love the roles that he's played. He's dorky in Scott Pilgrim, what I would have expected from Nick, and he is down to earth in the documentary about love that he was in. I respect him. He isn't the best performer in the entire world, and he doesn't even compare to Johnny Depp. But I love him anyways."

"He's not the best, but I see where you're coming from." A big clap sounded outside of the window, making me anxious. I jumped up as I heard the bang, nearly falling into Dan's lap. I held my hand over my erratic heartbeat. I'm sure a number of obscenities fell out of my mouth.

"You okay?" Dan asked, a goofy grin on his face. I moved away from his body, shrugging off his arm that fell around my shoulders. I calmed down and regained balance before responding. There was a distinct gap between the two of us that wasn't there before.

"I'm fine. I just don't like loud, instantaneous noises."

"I can tell. You don't have to move away from me, I don't control the weather." I moved back a bit closer to him, hugging my knees to my chest. "I thought you'd be used to the London downpour by now."

"You'd think." My fingers were still shaking, my mind on high alert. I've gotten much better at this, though. I can control the panic attacks and keep them to a very minimum. It's much worse when I'm on my own.

We went back to watching the third movie, the time approaching around one in the morning, the second bag of popcorn and other various bags of food and some dishes from stir fry were diminished and abandoned on the table.

Then the lights went out with a detonation of thunder that echoed through my chest, making me squeal and climb into Dan's lap, hiding my head in his sweatshirt, looking for some sort of comfort as memories flooded my mind. I despise thunderstorms, and the dark certainly didn't help.

* * *

Grandpa Update: He's not dead yet. But he isn't looking good. I visited him for the last time last week and he was so skinny. He wasn't my grandpa. He was someone that I didn't recognize. He used to be a rather rotund man with a big belly and saggy cheeks, happy wrinkles, and memories engraved in his skin from smiling. But he was sunken, not even able to move more than two feet. I love him. I told him that and I meant it. I don't think I've ever meant that phrase more than that moment when I whispered "I love you, papa," as he was going to sleep. I kissed him on his bald head. He used to have hair. In the basement there were pictures of me as a 6 year old and him walking through a park. I was so tiny. The leaves were so pretty. He was himself. I felt so fragile. I can't eat. It took me forty minuets to finish a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at lunch today. I hate this. Sorry if these chapters get sad or whatever. Just alsdgjalsdhapwoafsd asd

Hope you guys have a good day (:


	23. Anyone Else But You

Dan lit a match, starting the fireplace, giving the room a bit of a glow. "Well, I guess that's the building's power."

"Will the thunder stop?" I was shaking, cuddling up in a corner on the couch, like a little puppy dog.

Dan chuckled. "Atari, I can't control the weather." A siren sounded outside, followed by yet another rumble, making me cower into the sofa. I hate loud noises and when people grab me all of a sudden. To be honest, I was so embarrassed because Dan, the guy that I fancied, was right there. I felt so immature, so pathetic. The girl he likes is probably okay with thunder. Stop it, Atari. You don't care.

"I hate thunder."

"I can tell. I am going to go grab flashlights. Will you be okay alone?"

"Oh yeah, when I faint and accidentally trip out the window and get struck by lightning, I'll be totally okay."

"Well, then come here, dork." I grabbed his hand, we used his cell phone as a torch to light the way. "Atari, you're not going to die. You can give my arm some circulation." I loosened my vice grip on his bicep, still pressed closer to him. Dan was walking in front of me, illuminating the way to the kitchen next door to search for flashlights that he had hidden in some drawer.

"It's not the dark that I'm worried about, Dan."

"Well, it doesn't hurt to shed a little light on a situation," he said as he flicked on the flashlight that he found. I laughed half heartily, not getting into the joke due to the fact that I was freaking out about the flashes of light that were visible behind the glass of the window. I knew the power would come on soon, but it was uncomfortable to be in the shadow of such heavy feats of nature. "Come on, let's grab you some food. I don't like the way you're shaking like that."

I could barely make out a face, but I could tell that there were worry lines on his forehead that I wanted to smooth out. "Don't worry. I'll be fine. I just hate thunder."

"Is there a reason?" he asked me, lightly touching my arm. Recollections of Robbie blew through my mind, making me want to curl up in a ball like I spent the majority of freshman year.

"No. Just not a thunder kind of person." I knew that I wasn't a good actor at the most vital of points, aware of the fact that my face gave away my emotions, no matter what.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's cool. Let's get you something to eat anyways. And I'll grab some candles." Dan held my hand, squishing it tightly inside of his.

He went to go fetch them. "Don't leave me yet. Please." I was looking at the ground, delivering lines that I had memorized, but hated repeating. I'm not fragile. I'm not.

"I won't. I don't know how long the power will be out, but you might want cereal. Here, I'll get the milk. With your shaky hands, there would be milk everywhere. And I do not need to have to explain that to Phil." Dan winked, lightening the mood. I smiled. His wink was so perfect.

"I'd love to see his reaction though."

"That's the spirit. But he'd probably look at you differently from then on."

"More like he'd move out because he think's you're so weird." He chuckled. Another stomp came from the heavens, making me squeal and jump, loosing all sense of security that was temporarily gained. Dan hugged me, keeping the shakes to a minimum.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Sorry... It's just that..."

"You don't have to explain. Happens to the best of us." His half smile reassured me, especially from this angle. My head was perfect resting place for his. "Have you ever made a fort?"

"Like with blankets and pillows and chairs and stuff?"

"Like an indoor tent, yeah."

"When I was really really little."

"Let's do that. I don't know if I trust you alone at home."

"Well Phil and Micah will be there."

"Passed out or making out on the sofa."

"Okay. Let's go make a fort. Can you make it light first?"

"I can't control the weather!"

"Sure you can!"

"Atari, I really can't."

"Don't you have candles?"

"Yeah. Are you going to come with me?" I agreed. He chuckled, tugging me along.

The dark corridor didn't bother me, so long as the thunder came to a very minimum. His footsteps were very silent, pads touching the floor. Goose bumps came up my arms and legs, my body reacting to the cold of his apartment.

"Are you cold?"

"I'll be fine."

"I mean, do you want a jumper or anything?"

"Sure, I guess. But you don't have to." My tank top was making me extremely cold, something that I obviously didn't take into account when I chose my clothing.

"Honestly, I'll just grab one of mine. I keep the candles in my room anyways." Dan smiled, something that I could just barely distinguish out of the ill-defined atmosphere.

Dan was rummaging through his wardrobe in the dark, searching for something specific. He handed me a dark, soft fabric and I took it. The material slid over my head and arms, too big for me, but perfect. The collar hung down loosely around my neck, like a scarf. A hood of a different material stuck out of the top, perfect to keep my head warm. The arms fell just to my desire, long enough to fall over my finger tips.

I looked up to see Dan staring at me, his face made visible by the flashlights that we were holding and the street lamps outside. He had this odd look in his eyes and his bottom lip in between his teeth. "What?" I asked. His eyes widened, as though he had been caught. I adjusted the bottom of the sweater. "Does it look bad?"

"No! Not at all," Dan said, still looking at me. I brushed my hair out of my face, hating their limp curls.

"Let's go build us a fort?"

"Let's!" Dan took the candles that he found and led me to the living room, blindly tripping though the halls. I had a firm grip on the sleeve of his shirt. The fireplace was the only glow that allowed us to get adjusted to our surroundings. Once a few wicks were set ablaze and placed around the room, we began building, the sounds of alt-J playing in the background from the tiny speaker in Dan's iPhone.

Chairs were set in the correct places, sheets were tugged out of beds, blankets were found in closets, pillows were taken from their spots. "Why do you have so many pillows?" I asked him as we carried them into the living room. We didn't care if this was a huge mess.

"I'm just one of those creepy people who uses a ton to be around and or form into the shape of a person to cuddle with."

"Big spoon or little spoon?" I asked, joking.

"Big spoon." I giggled and blushed in the dark, hoping he couldn't see my content smile.

We hung the thin fabric from the chairs, couch, tables. The thick duvets were on the floor, making a comfortable place to lay down. We could barely sit without having our heads touch the makeshift roof. The thunder only sounded once during the entire montage of constructing. "Well no wonder we aren't artists," Dan said as we admired our work.

"Or architects." He chuckled, making me happy. His laugh was so perfect, deep, alluring, elegant, yet husky. He grabbed his phone from the table and held up a side of the sheet that cascaded off of one of the chairs. "After you, milady." I giggled and lightly punched his arm, ducking and entering our sanctuary. Flashlights created an incandescent glow inside the cave fit for two.

Dan came in after me, laying down so that our sides were touching. "Atari?" Dan asked, breaking the small amount of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"No, I mean, a serious question," Dan deadpanned. I started to become anxious, and focused my eyes not on the pair starring holes in my cheek, but on the light blue sheets above me.

"Of course."

"Where did you get that scar on your hip?" I knew what scar he was talking about, a think one that has turned a bright pink from the new skin. It wasn't my doing. It wasn't fun. I hated it. I was suffocated by recollections of my past.

Do you know that feeling you get when your skin is crawling, your hands can't stop fidgeting with every little detail of your being, and you want to run away? Your head is telling you to push everything aside and pretend like nothing ever happened, but your heart knows better? I felt that way, only a million times worse. It's like when your mom asks you what your tumblr is, or where you were the past weekend. They know the answer, but they want to hear you say it. "Atari?"

"Sorry... Um... It's kind of a long story."

"If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. I just wanted to let you know that you could tell me if and when you wanted." He turned on his side to look at me as I laid down like a board on my back, not willing to move an inch, knowing his amazing brown eyes would be my downfall.

I let his statement settle into my mind before responding. "I'll tell you, but it's not exactly a happy story."

"Well I wouldn't assume so." I tried to snuggle closer into Dan's sweater that I was borrowing, inhaling his cologne.

"Well, I was dating this boy named Robbie. It wasn't for very long, just about a month, but anyways, we were dating. And I guess he had some problems with his family or friends or something, and he started taking it out on me." I inhaled deeply through my nose. "It wasn't anything major. And he was really nice the majority of the time. We met in drama, or it might have been math, I just remember there being all this drama, and he was so sweet to me. I don't know why, but he was really nice. I was dealing with some friend shit at the time and he let me talk to him about it. And he was so genuine. So I said yes when he asked me out. It was all going along swimmingly until he started getting really... intimidating. He would tell me that I was fat, stupid, lazy, ugly, and then apologize the next day. It wasn't anything major, and Matt told me to break up with him, but I figured that he was the best I could do, so I stuck around.

"The insults just got worse and worse. Then it got to a point where he would threaten me. And it wasn't anything too major, just intimidating, loud, harsh, scary. He was taller than me and much stronger, and so much more terrifying. He would yell so loud. And I wouldn't even do anything. I'd be sitting there, doing my homework at his place with him and he would just snap." I saw Dan's hurt expression from the corner of my eye but kept going.

"I planned to break up with him, I really did. But I couldn't. I didn't know what he would do, you know? But he came over one day when Matt was hanging out, got mad at me for being around him, and I don't know what the hell he had, a knife maybe? But he threatened me with it. Then he lunged at me and I moved, but it still managed to get my hip pretty badly. Then Matt got him out of the house and called the cops. But it's really not a big thing. I just don't like loud noises or myself."

"Atari?"

"Yeah?" I was facing straight ahead, not turning my face to see him. I wouldn't cry. I'm not that girl that does that sappy mushy love stuff. I am the heroine, not the damsel in distress.

"You deserve someone so much better. Don't let one person influence the way you see yourself. Christ, you look like fucking Halley Williams, and she's not ugly." I smiled a bit.

"You're not mad at me?"

"At you?! No. At this Robbie kid? Yes." It felt so weird to have the feel of that story in my mouth. It wasn't comfortable, I hadn't talked about it for so long, since I told Micah. It always just felt like a bad dream that was oddly realistic. That kind of thing just doesn't happen to me. And Robbie left school after that year, a body that no one put a name to. My story stayed in the back of my mind, growing mold. But I put it out there. I expected Dan to get mad at me, to yell, or tell me that I'll always be his "friend". But he didn't.

I turned into him and his my head into his chest. "Sorry."

"About what? Don't be sorry. I hope that turnip does something stupid and dies." I laughed lightly, a weight lifted off my chest. Dan's hands smoothed my messy hair, getting tangled now and again. It felt comfortable. I don't think I've appreciated anyone's presence like I did at that moment.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you for trusting me. I like spending time with you." My heart broke a bit more. I bet he didn't like spending time with me as much as he enjoyed her company. I don't even know who she is; the mystery girl that Dan is head over heels for.

"I like spending time with you too. You're a good friend." I looked up at him to see his face a bit disappointed, and I wondered what I did. Then he put on a smile and I huddled closer to him.

"You are too, Atari." I gave his torso a squeeze and pulled out my iPhone to shatter the silence. I set it to my Classical playlist, letting us become drenched in soothing melodies.

I shouldn't be here, in this apartment, at this hour, this close to Dan. Was it betrayal? Who am I betraying? I couldn't just let the moment settle in my stomach, it was up and about, not letting me find any rest. Anxiety was crawling in my skin. What if he didn't want me around? I can't just leave. Dan told me he liked spending time with me, a trait that I should be embracing.

I tried to change the subject for the sake of conversation and the personal thunderstorm in my head. "What about you? Have you had your fair share of girl drama?" He chuckled, masking something behind a half smile that was super fucking sexy.

"Yeah." He told me about his past girlfriends, proper and improper. He described one of the girls as the epitome of perfection. She was funny, beautiful, bright. But she turned out to be an illusion, a siren out on the sea. After over two years, a trip to Paris, and unconditional love, she dumped him. I didn't know why. She had everything that she could have possibly wanted in a guy right here. He was the full package. She had what I will never get. And she just dumped him.

He described a few other, but none were in comparison to the girl that he fancied at the moment. "I think you'd like her. She's so beautiful, perfect hair, perfect skin, amazing eyes, the perfect height, just beautiful in general. She's one of those people that you see on the street and just notice how naturally refined and ravishing they are. But that's nothing compared to her personality. She's so funny, sarcastic, witty, compatable, understanding. She's a bit of a nerd, but in an alluring way." His description of his mystery girl was heart breaking. That prickly sensation in the back of my eyes started taking control. I blinked a few times, clearing my eyes of the salt water that would eventually fall.

"She sounds fantastic. Why haven't you asked her out yet?" I asked, keeping my voice sounding interested, intrigued, like I wasn't being slowly eaten away from the inside out.

"I don't want her to say no."

"I'm sure she won't. You're a good guy."

Just as he was about to say something, the power came on. The lights flickered for a second before becoming stable and steady. "I guess that's the lights," he said as we adjusted our vision to the new illumination.

"Were you going to say something?" I asked, once we were aware of our surroundings.

"It was nothing important." We crawled out of the little space and began putting the blankets away. It had been a good half hour since any thunder and I felt like my nerves were in place, cautious, bot not anxious. I was a bit wounded though. We placed the materials away, staying quiet, the only sounds were little giggles when we accidentally bumped into each other and the yawns from the other's mouth.

I hugged him goodbye, a long hug. It was an embrace that made you want to never leave that position. There was a sensual feeling between the two of us, we were magnets that resisted when we were pulled apart. It was comforting. But I let go, left him with a final goodbye.

It wasn't until I had reset all the clocks, set a blanket over Phil and Micah cuddled on the couch, and went to my room, that I noticed something. I still had Dan's jumper.


	24. Breathe

AN- Gpaw died.

* * *

There was a reason that I found an escape in being a fictional graphic on a screen. I didn't have to worry about anything besides what was going on in front of me. I had an objective. I had a reward. I had a challenge. All I was being told to do is drive this sword into that monster. I wasn't Atari anymore. I was Link, Mario, Luigi, my Skyrim character Alice Biorn, Terra, or Sonic. I didn't have to worry about relationships, money, work, education, rent, food. I only had to worry about my health, the amount of life that was left in my character, and how to kill whatever I was battling. It was easy.

Anxious hands make anxious work and I tend to be very anxious. My hands shook uncontrollably, making it difficult to do anything that required steady work. My old drawings from art classes are smudged, rushed. It was an odd process. But I was able to release it into a video game, a piece of paper, or an electronic device. I was constantly moving, wondering about other people's opinions.

But I had to end at some point, realizing how alone I am, how I have work to do, papers to fill, math to do. Speaking of real world problems, I had to press save and get food, our supplies running low. We had some soup in the pantry along with peanut butter, milk, some oranges, and some crackers. It had been a while since we went to the store.

My clock told me it was six in the morning, and I figured I wouldn't be able to get sleep anyways. Seems like a good time as any to get the food.

* * *

Micah

Phil and I woke up, cuddled together on the couch, to a loud banging noise. "Fuck. Vagina," was emitted from the mouth of my roommate as she exited her room.

"You okay?" I called out.

"Yeah. Fine."

"What time is it?"

"Nine in the morning."

"Why are you awake?"

"Never got to sleep." Atari came into view, in an unfamiliar top, a sweatshirt with a hood poking out of it, two horns on the top, and some leggings. Her eyes had dark rings around them, her hair a dis-shelved mess. "Do you guys want breakfast? I feel like chocolate chip pancakes."

"What was that ruckus just then?"

"Just tripped is all." Her eyes were swimming in an alien colour that I didn't recognize. Usually it was a crystal clear azure with a shade of grey that saw the world. Today it was a milky cobalt. I sat up and let Phil take control of the couch, muttering about being tired and how he loved chocolate chip pancakes.

My arms stretched above my head, getting all of the kinks out of my bones, letting them relax from the awkwardly comfortable position. I let her excuse go, figuring if she wanted to tell me she would.

"That was some storm last night," Atari said, looking out the window. Her eyes were still gloomy, a smile was yet to been seen on her face. The girl gripped onto her arm, seemingly taken away from the world. She didn't give a damn that she was blocking my way into the hallway, or that she was wearing shorts in winter.

"What storm?" I asked. I looked out of the glass to see everything damp, though bright skies filled out the horizons.

"You didn't notice the storm? The power went out. There was so much thunder." That must have been why she couldn't sleep.

"Guess we fell asleep before it got too bad," Phil said as he got up from the sofa.

Atari nodded and turned away from us, going into the kitchen, leaving Phil and me in her wake. Slight noises were heard from the small kitchen while Phil came over and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"She was with Dan last night, right?" I asked.

"I thought so, but I don't know why she couldn't sleep."

"She doesn't like thunder."

"Well maybe it was something about Dan?"

"Probably, but I don't know what."

"Drama bomb!" I laughed and poked his nose. We went into the kitchen to get something to drink and see her progress.

"Do you need any help?" I asked her, coming up behind my friend. She was staring into the bowl of flour, egg, and whatever else she put in there. Atari made American pancakes, not those crummy, thin, English ones.

"No," she said quietly. The nails on her hands were chewed to the bit, the skin around them was torn to oblivion, the cuticles ripped to shreds. I could see slight dots of red around them, knowing that her anxiety drove her to the last nerve, her shaky hands couldn't stay still.

"You sure? What happened?" Atari set down the spoon she was using to stir and turned our direction. She smiled, but I knew it was too fake. There were unspoken lies hidden between her teeth.

"Yeah, I'm positive. Just didn't sleep well." A pad of butter was placed on the pan, just the right amount. Her attention was faced towards the stove top, her Mona Lisa smile disappeared.

"How was Dan?" Phil asked, going to get coffee from a machine on the counter. I kept a close look on Atari as I sat on the pantry top.

Her face lit up for a second, a smile took over her face and I began to loosen up. Then I saw her expression fall. She went back to pouring the batter into the pan, adding a butt load of chocolate chips. "He was good. You're the one that lives with him." A sigh escaped her chapped lips, letting out disappointment.

"Did you tell him anything last night?" Phil was hinting at her admiration towards his roommate. The boy poked Atari's arm, a smile gracing his handsome face.

"I told you. He likes someone else. I didn't get the chance. I think I'm just going to abandon it. The girl that he's interested in is so perfect that I can't possibly compare." Her exterior diminished, leaving nothing but a barren mental state. My heart broke for her, sympathy flooding me.

"But-"

"He doesn't like me, Micah. It's okay, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Plus being single has it's perks. We just met, it's not like we've felt this way for years. And his happiness is what matters."

"What about your happiness?" I asked, laying a hand on the arm that wasn't messing with a spatula.

"Insignificant. I'll get over it. I'm only twenty two, I have time to think about my life. I have a good job and wonderful friends, so I don't need a guy." Atari was determined, battling her heart with her head. "Who wants the first pancake?"

"I do!" Phil called, just like a child. He held out a plate, awaiting food to be placed on it. She did as was expected, then poured another one.

"Atari, your happiness isn't insignificant. Don't be stupid," I made my voice stern, something I had difficulty doing so early in the morning.

"I'm not stupid. You don't get it. He will be happy with her. You should have heard the way that he described her to me. She's beautiful, funny, perfect. I'm nothing. I can stay nothing, it'll make him happy. It will make everyone happy." The woman passionately flipped the new batter layer with trembling hands.

"Maybe he's trying to make you jealous?" I suggested, moving her away from the hot appliance. "You need to get away from the oven. Her legs collapsed and she sat down on the floor next to me.

"Dan wouldn't do that," Phil defended. "It doesn't sound like him. I mean, he can be obnoxious sometimes, and a bit ignorant, but he's not that mean."

"Guys, it's alright. He probably only thinks of me as a friend." After a few deep intakes of breathe, she stood up, saying that she wasn't hungry, and exited stage left.

"Will she be okay?" Phil asked, concerned.

"I am not sure. We should really work on their relationship. Have you talked to Dan about her?"

"Not recently. Should I?"

"It might help us get a grip on their whole situation." I set a pancake on my plate and went to make another one.

Atari poked her head at us from the doorway, brown waves falling down from her scalp. "I'm going to the library. John Green is calling my name."

As soon as she left, Phil promised me that he would at least suggest Atari to him.

* * *

Dan

I was as anyone would have expected me to be, stretched out on the couch, my computer on my lap, and my fuzzy hat on my head. Phil came into the apartment, making it known by the slamming of the front door. It was one in the afternoon, and I was shocked to believe that he had spent that much time with his girlfriend.

"So what did you and your giiiirrrlllfriend get up to last night?" I asked, winking.

"Actually, shut up. We didn't do anything."

"I'm so sure. You don't have to explain to me." I laughed, looking up at him. I felt pretty tired, having not gotten enough sleep last night. "Well I'm off to finish editing this bitch of a video." I got up to go to my room after I put away my dishes.

"What happened with you last night?" He was curious. What?

"Nothing. What do you mean?" I was a bit protective, worried.

"Well Atari looked really tired. She said she didn't get any sleep. And you don't look too good off yourself."

My eyebrows scrunched together and I abandoned my computer. "Why?"

"I don't know, she just didn't sleep. Her eyes were really sad and tired." I envisioned her eyes, rimmed with dark circles from lack of slumber. Her grey blue eyes would be a dull black. Her chocolate hair would be a mess of waves, going every which way. I wanted to make sure that she was okay, happy, safe.

"Well she doesn't like thunder..." I trailed off, deep in thought. I hoped that I wasn't the cause of her misfortune.

"Do you still fancy her?" he asked me.

God did I like her. I don't know how it was possible, but her curves were perfect, beckoning me, enthralling, alluring. She had an hourglass body that was incredibly tempting. Atari was someone that could be in her worst state, and I would still consider her enchanting. It was torture to not be able to touch her, to hug her, to look at her. It felt as though every moment spent with her was precious, and wouldn't last long. I wanted to do something, did I ever. But I couldn't bring myself to. Just thinking about her made me bite my lip, unable to keep my thoughts straight, my hands longing to cling to anything other than this sofa, greedy for her ivory skin. "What? Well, I mean. You know," I responded.

"So you d-."

"Come on, we aren't seven. I'm being mature. She's nice. But-"

"No." he interrupted me. "No buts."

"Well I might like her. But whatever."

"Okay, just wond-."

"Did she say anything about me?" My heart beat increased.

"Not a lot. She didn't talk much at all, really. She seemed pretty beaten up." I flinched at his choice of words, though he don't know why. "Did you hurt her?"

"Oh, of course, Phil. I just do that. I'm such a bully to the girls that I like. I just can't control my anger," I said sarcasticly.

"Well I just wanted to make sure."

"Yeah, well I got to go finish this or my subscribers will be like "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE VIDEO. YOU PROMISED US. RAHHHHHHH."," I said, grabbing my laptop and taking it out of the room. I was so fickle about Atari.

I could spend forever with her, I knew I could. She understood my sarcasm and use of irony. She laughed at my jokes, and I at hers. I understood her, all of her. Her safety was so important to me, and I could never lay a hand on her, or a malevolent word to her ear.


	25. Patient, Fine, Balanced, Kind

Dan

I swear to God, I'm not obsessed with this girl, though she was definitely my wonderwall.

I entered Atari's apartment in search of Phil, not because I liked to see her on a daily basis. I was looking for Phil, sue me. "Phil?" I called when I came in. I didn't get a response, but when I got a few feet into the flat, I heard the distinct sound of music from a band that I've never heard of. "Phil? Are you here? Is this Micah's music?"

I wasn't expecting to find Atari right away. I figured she would be out, like she apparently has been for the past few days. Held up at the library, going to Game Stop, too tired to function, some other excuse for her absence.

The brunette was laying with her torso clad in her Ariel tank top on the floor. Instead of sitting like a regular person, she had her upper half on the floor, pressed against the carpet, her thighs were pressed against the couch, making a 90 degree angle with her anatomy, and her calves placed on the cushions. I followed her soft curves and simple skin, from her lightly exposed breasts to her legs, covered in leggings, to her feet, swishing back and forth. The waves that her hair made fell like static electricity in a plasma globe.

The young woman's mouth was silently forming the words between plump lips to the unfamiliar music that she knew by heart, a library book in her hands. It reminded me of Lilo in Lilo and Stitch. Such innocence radiated from her, yet an aura of maturity disguised it. She transmitted beauty.

"Is Phil here?"

"Shh." I waited for her, shifting my weight between my feet, trying to look at her discretely, not wanting to seem totally creepy. I had to distance myself from her, so I looked at the screen of her iPod. Fleet Foxes was playing right now, on the last song of the album. "I was drizzle. She was a hurricane," she quoted, right as the music stopped. It was silent except for our breathing, letting the words just settle between us. She noticed the confused look on my face and broke the quiet. "Okay, what were you saying?" she asked, setting down the book, closing it without any indentation of where she left off.

"Don't you want to save your spot?" I asked. It bothered me that she just closed the book and set it down right in the middle of the best seller.

"I've read that book twenty seven times. I don't need to save my spot anymore." Atari smiled, but the motion felt stiff. "That's one of my favourite lines in the entire book. 'I was drizzle. She was a hurricane." Atari paused, staring at in imaginary being on the ceiling.

I took the moment to ask a question. "If you've read it so much, why don't you just buy it?" Her eyes found mine, blue-grey against brown. Her legs moved to the floor, her balance shaky as she stood up, reaching on her tip toes to grab a book from the shelf above the sofa. _Looking for Alaska _was typed out on the paperback cover, matching the one that had been abandoned on the floor. Her copy was barely recognizable from the amount of times that the spine had been broken. Atari handed me the novel.

"Flip through it. It became unreadable." I did as she told, fanning the pages in front of my face. Each one had highlighter colours, post-it notes with scribbles on them, bent corners to the extent that they would be forever indented, there were pen and pencil underlining, some doodles in crayon on the margins, stains from dirt on all of the sides, drops of water where the ink bled through the paper, expanding the mess, and a couple pages ripped out.

"What the fuck did you do to this book?"

She laughed, young again. "I had to remember it. That's how I read. Here, look at this one." She took another book down from close to the same location as the other. The title was _It's Kind of a Funny Story_, and was much thicker than the John Green one. "They made it into a film, so I had to reread it a couple times." It, just like the other, had chicken scratch, squiggly lines underneath the typed out words.

"So why did you feel like reading the same book over and over again?" She took the paperback from my hand. "And why paperback? Don't you want hardcover?"

"Well, I think that their writing is so genuine. Spoiler alert, are you ready?" She paused for a nanosecond and continued. "Well, it starts out as "Before" and all throughout it, the chapters are short, maybe a page and a half each, and they have a nonspecific date written above them. It starts out with 'one hundred thirty six days before' and goes until the second part of the book, which is titled "After". And it goes through this high school guy's head, who never really had many friends, yet finds a close bundle. His roommate is called the Colonel and the girl he likes is named Alaska. He really loves her, and I mean _really_ loves her. I've never seen love like I've read it in this book. It's raw. And you think that everything is going right, that there's a simple plot line, yet intricate enough to keep you hooked, you're so fucking intrigued that you can't put it down for anything more than a refill of coffee or to pee. Then BAM. Right out of the blue, everything changes. John Green is so insightful in the most detailed manner. The characters are all elaborate and interesting, each unique from the other. Wow. It's just. Yeah. Then, right as you get to the after, it hits you. You aren't expecting it until two pages before it happens. You're so caught up in the minor details of his seemingly important life, that this major plot point just kills you. You are going through the same experience as the characters. It literally hits them. The book is stunning."

Her facial expression was perfect, excited, like she could talk about this book forever without stopping. Her facial expression then fell a bit. "The book is heartbreaking. It's beauty in it's most pure form. It's as close to feeling love as I can get." She let that settle, then continued to answer my questions. "I don't like hardcover, because when I break the binding, then it collapses, where as the paperback is cheaper and flexible, and doesn't get totally destroyed." She looked at me, completely serious. "This book is perfection. Read it. Do you want my copy or the library's? Once you start, it will take you less than a day to finish."

"Let's go with your copy. No need to hold up fines."

She agreed and gave me the worn down copy. "Now why did you come over?"

"I was seeing if Phil was here, but he evidently isn't."

"Nope, he went to find Micah at work. She has some date thing planned."

* * *

Micah

There was just something about Phil that I couldn't explain. He was so sweet and innocent, yet, I'll admit, quite sexy. So I had the best plan for his 26th birthday. He was going to be three years older than me. Three years! That's forever. But my plan was fool-proof, modest, and beautiful.

"The fuck are you so perky about?" Angel, my coworker asked, a smirk placed on her thin lips. I liked her, so I felt like I could actually answer intellectually.

"I have the best idea for my boyfriend's birthday," I said as I placed some dog treats on display, creating a giant bone shape out of smaller bones. I knew there was a reason that I liked working here. My boss was the stuff.

"What is it?" she asked, leaning on her broom handle, her dreadlocks fell down her shoulders, matching her tan skin. "Or am I not allowed to know?"

"Well, first, we need to find that cat that looks kind of like a lion."

"We have one of those?"

"Yeah, the one that we've had forever that no one likes. We trimmed his fur to look like a mane."

"You mean Pokey?" she asked.

"Yeah, what a terrible name for a cat. God."

"Not as bad as Ugly over there." We looked over at the few metal cages that were propped up by each other. A mangled-looking cat purred at us and licked her paw. She was the sweetest animal we had, but no one wanted her because she wasn't pretty. "So do I get to know this entire plan or not?"

"Okay, do you think Jeremy would let us turn this place into a zoo for the day?"

"Well yeah, I mean two years ago, he and his boyfriend had a birthday party for their turtle in here. The entire place was decked out in balloons and the animals had party hats. He would let you do anything for a good cause," Angel said. She sent a whiff of cigarette smoke my way as she moved past me on her way to ask our boss. The customers were scarce today, like they usually are at 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday.

I saw all of these cooped up birds, mice being fed from little water tubes, hamsters trying to get out of their glass domes, and I wanted to let them go. Part of me hated my job, hated the fact that I assisted people in putting animals in prisons. Yet a larger part liked it, knowing that if they weren't here with quality food every day, a good place to sleep, and people to take care of them, they would be out on the streets, starving, beaten, and cold.

Jeremy came out, fashionable New York trends hung on his body, his hair was blonde and curly. Angel sauntered behind him, a smirk on her face. "So I hear that you have a plan for your boyfriend," he said with a wink. I smiled at him, knowing that he would be understanding.

"Yeah. It's his birthday, and close to our anniversary." They both "awww"ed at me, looking at each other with dreamy eyes. "Shut up, guys."

"How old is this boy?" Angel asked, leaning on her broom again. I think that she's only hired because she's nice to customers, not because she cleans frequently.

"He will be turning twenty six."

"So he's older than you? That's the way to go, sweetie," Jeremy said as he walked to the back room, telling Oliver and Kate to handle the store, as the rest of us have important business to take care of.

"Come on, my last girlfriend was two years younger than me and you liked her," Angel said.

"Yes, but she looked and acted like she was older than you." They went on about this for a while until low and behold, there were actually costumes for animals in giant buckets, hidden in the supply closet. Any animal, mythological creature, or furniture item that you might desire was hidden beneath buckets and barrels and bags. I really didn't want to know why Jeremy had so many, and why they looked frequently used. Oh well.

Amphibians were made to look like dragons and alligators dogs and cats (the few that we had) were lions, tigers, bears (oh my), unicorns, and zebras. Our little rodent creatures were whatever costumes there were left. The bird that we let fly around the shop was the zoo keeper. It was a work of art, really. In the minuscule amount of time that it took to decorate the place, Phil had made his way here, and I set off to meet him at the end of the block.


	26. I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Micah

"Happy birthday!" I said as I gave Phil an attack hug. My arms wrapped around his neck and he hugged me back. His laugh was so enchanting. I giggled and grabbed his hand, leading him to my work, pushing past the people in my way.

"Slow down! I can't catch up!" Phil laughed behind me, grasping onto my hand even harder. Angel was there, holding open the door. Her dreads were pulled over her shoulder, her broom propped up against the door frame. She turned the "Open" sign to "Closed" despite the fact that the hours begged to differ.

"Angel, this is Phil."

"Happy birthday," she said, pushing us inside.

"What did you plan?" Phil asked me, still holding my hand. I shushed him and pulled him farther into the shop to the smaller animals section. "Micah, what is this?"

"It's a zoo! I know that you love animals, but the real zoo was closed because of the weather. So I made one." He turned to me with a smile on his face.

"This is so cool. I love it." Phil kissed me softly, in front of my coworkers. "I love you," Phil whispered. His eyes were focused on mine, not on the people behind us, or the animals, or anything besides my eyes. I love how blue they are. I could swim in them like a pool, the blue was enchanting. I felt comfortable around him. It was easy.

"I love you too," I said. I couldn't remember if this was the first time that we had said... it. Those three little words. It didn't feel like it. Phil was looking at me like we were older, more mature, and knew that we would love each other forever. It didn't have to be a physical feeling, but it was mental. His presence was longed for in my future, I could tell. I didn't want to screw this up.

A small chorus of "aww" happened behind us. I didn't care, but a rose colour spread up my cheek bones.

We went around the entire room, looking at the happy animals that loved company. Phil liked Ugly the best, his mane was Phil's favourite part. "Can I keep him?" he asked. I giggled.

"Let's ask Dan and Atari if we can share custody!" I suggested.

"And he's got to be small enough for the land owners."

"No one has bought him yet. I'm surprised that he likes you."

"Why? Am I not likable?" he asked, poking me.

"No, it's that he's super unfriendly. He only likes Angel and me."

"Well who doesn't like you? You're amazing." He made me giggle.

"I think that Atari wouldn't mind if I hid the cat. And he's been living here for seven months."

"Really? He's so cute!"

"He hisses at the customers," I said. We continued to go around the store for another two hours, Angel acting as our guide. We didn't pay attention to her, so she could have been saying gibberish and we wouldn't have noticed.

It was fun. But the day had just begun.

* * *

"Micah, I don't think that the top of the building is open. I've never been above the fourth floor," Phil said to me as I led him up a secret set of stairs that I had found the day before with help from the cleaning ladies. They love "romantic" acts.

"I know it is. Come on, slow poke." He smiled up at me, four stairs behind me.

"I'm coming, calm down."

"I have food! It's going to get cold!" I said, laughing. the picnic basket that wasn't a picnic basket was in my hands, swinging along with each of my steps.

We ran up the two extra flights, past the small hallway that led to "Employees Only" marked doors with heavy duty locks, until we found the door that said "ROOF. CERTIFIED EMPLOYEES ONLY."

"Micah, we can't get up, there's a lock," Phil said, pointing at the door.

"Yes we can," I sang as I pulled out a key.

"You're so cheesy, Micah," Phil said as he watched me open the door. The roof was cold, but I was prepared. Two blankets, a camera, and gloves were inside the basket with the food. "It's cold out!"

"Relax!" He laughed at my remark. We could see our breath in the air, masking a bit of our vision. The view was beautiful and I was star struck. It was like a fish eye lens was put in front of my eyes. I could see the tilt on the horizon, a slight semi-circle in the sky where stars met city. I was in awe at the magnificence of the few stars in the sky that made the backdrop for the colours of late night city life.

"Its so pretty out, isn't it babe? You chose the perfect place." Phil took the tote from my hands and set it on the cement floor of the roof. I tugged out the portable speakers that I had (battery operated and absolute crap) and plugged in Atari's iPod that I "borrowed". "Whose is that?"

"Atari's."

"Did she say you could borrow her baby?"

"Nope."

"Such a rebel."

I giggled as we stretched out the blanket to sit on, using the other to wrap around our shoulders, getting the best view of the scenery.

"What did you pack?"

"Well I'm not much of a cook, so I stopped by a few places and tried to get the best stuff that I could. There's Chinese, chicken, some purple whatevers, and brownies."

"Purple whatevers?"

"Haven't you seen that episode of Adventure Time? The Jiggler? Finn calls them purple whatevers, so Atari and I call grapes purple whatevers," I explained. He smiled at me from only a few inches away. I bit my lip and looked down at the food.

"Thank you for doing all of this."

"I know it's not much, but I thought it would be fun."

He looked at me, turning his attention away from city lights. "Anything with you is fun."

I blushed and picked up one of the take out containers. He grabbed the other and we began to eat, enjoying the silence of the moment.

"You're twenty six," I stated.

"And you'll be twenty three in two months."

"Is three years a big difference?"

"No. Its hardly any time at all. And I don't feel twenty six. Do you feel twenty three?"

"No. I feel like I'm seventeen right now, sneaking out through the back garden to hang out with my friends at two in the morning."

"Me too. Feel my heart, it's going a million miles an hour, just by being this close to you, this high up." I put my hand on his chest, feeling the pulse beneath his rib cage."

"Mine feels like that too," I said. Phil held me closer, putting his arm around my shoulders.

We continued eating until there were only grapes and two brownies left. "Atari made those for us. She's an excellent baker."

"I'm not surprised."

"She's a good roommate. What's it like living with Dan?" I asked absentmindedly.

"Well, he inturrupts me a lot, and sings in the shower, but besides that it's not too bad. I think that this whole YouTube thing has started to get to his head. We don't hang out as much anymore. I mean, we are still really close friends, but we don't actually do much together. But besides that, we get along really well. We make fun of each other a lot, and get in stupid playful arguments all the time. He's a good friend, and listens when he knows that I need it. I think that he needs a girlfriend pretty soon. And I think that Atari fits the bill."

"Really? She's getting pretty lonely. But keeps insisting that he doesn't like her "like that"."

"Well, trust me, he does." Phil laughed, and I could tell it was an awkward subject.

"How do you know?"

"You don't want to know. Just... yeah..." I got the picture and shared a mildly disgusted look with Phil.

"Atari just gets sad sometimes, she doesn't do anything. But I'm so sick of her rants about him all the freaking time."

"What's it like living with her?" he asked. I took the last bite of my brownie before answering.

"She's really fun. Sometimes she's annoying, like when she sings too loud, or stays up too late. But she's always there for me and I know that I can ask her to do a favour for me, and she'll pull through, no matter what. I asked her to bake brownies and she just went and did it, not even questioning what I was going to use them for. I also asked for her old bag to put all of this stuff in. And I told her that I'd be out late. She just accepts it and continues on, know that I'll tell her if I want to. She doesn't pry. But she has these intense mood swings that I don't get. She'll be super happy one day and really down the next. Sometimes she talks to me about it, but she often avoids the subject. She's fickle, impulsive."

"She seems like a really good roommate, though."

"Yeah, she picks up her crap after she gets it out, and she has a place for everything. She feed the cat when I don't, and she reminds me to eat when I'm stressed and can't remember. Plus she's home enough to keep the house in a neat order. There's always dinner for me when I get home."

"Sounds like the perfect woman."

I hit him playfully. "Shut up. She's really amazing. I'm lucky to have a friend like her. But she sees all of these negative aspects of herself all the time. We will be just hanging out and she'll go to her room and burst into tears. This happens once every two weeks or so. It didn't used to happen as much when she had Ben around, but after they broke up, it got worse. I don't know what it is."

"Sounds like she needs someone to be there for her, like I am for you," Phil said. "You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I know. And that's one of the reasons that I love you." Phil broke our gaze and cleared the blanket off from the food and laid down, patting the space next to him. I obliged and he set the blanket over us.

We were looking up at the stars, cuddled close, fighting off the cold. I trailed my eyes to his face, tracing the contours of his features. His eyes were my favourite part. I could see the blue, illuminated by the metropolitan lights.

And I kissed him. But it wasn't like the majority of our slight touches. This was a bit more urgent, more rough. It was perfect. "Panic Station" came on by Muse over the speakers, making my skin feel electric. We were on our sides, our mouths locked, when he pulled me on top of him. My legs were on either sides of his hips, his wide blue eyes looking up at me. It was heaven.

"You're so handsome," I told him.

"You're so beautiful," he said in response. The cold didn't matter as we continued locking lips, our tongues in an all out battle between the rhythm of the music. Muse continued playing in the background, a playlist on shuffle made just for us.

I let out a soft moan as his hips met mine and we tumbled into a downward spiral, falling for one another, physically and emotionally. Static cling was passing through Phil to myself, from his hands to my waist, my hands to his hair, my chest to his chest, our intertwined legs to one another. We couldn't break apart, the emotions for each other were too strong. Phil sent shivers down my skin, making me shake a bit.

I kissed down his jaw line, his neck, his collar bone, biting, sucking. A sigh escaped his mouth. The cold doesn't matter anymore, the air around us was as hot as fire. "New Born" fell around us in the atmosphere, sending even more electric currents through our bodies. He flipped me underneath him, my legs wraped around his waist from above. We stayed like this, kissing each other raw, until it got to cold to move. We whispered "I love you" to each other as we jogged down the stairs, back to his house for hot chocolate... and maybe a sleepover...


	27. A Smutty One Shot

Hey guys, It's me, just letting you know that chapter 27 of Press Start to Begin is in an entirely different story format. It's rated M, so if you're not into it, or you're under the age of 14, please just pass over it. There's nothing that will change the plot line, and I didn't write it, just edited it. All credit goes to KDaisyH.

If the other writer that I have lined up for this story comes through, there will be a v2.0, so double the smut if that's what you're into. I'll be editing that one as well. The link to it is on my profile, but if you want a shortcut, let's see if this works out.

This is the link: s/8996452/1/Press-Start-to-Begin-Rated-M-For-Mature

The title is : Press Start to Begin: Rated M for Mature.

Get it? Like on the commercials for video games? They say rated t for teens or m for mature? No? Anyone? Sigh.

Well yeah, continue on with your days.

Update on my life: I got a part in yet another play. And there's this guy...


	28. Muscle to Muscle and Toe to Toe

MEANWHILE:

* * *

Dan

Atari's couch was so comfortable, even if it was ratty and smelled like and old folks home and perfume. I had my feet propped up on their table, my shoes long abandoned. By this time, the glass furniture was more like a garbage bin with shoe prints and wrappers all over.

I was a bit self conscious around Atari, to be completely honest. I felt like she deserved better. I didn't feel like "Sexiest Lad" at all. Shave off my hair and you have nothing. I hope she didn't think that I was annoying.

The girl that I was so beset with was in my company, reading. I was trying to read, but it's fairly difficult to do so when an extremely attractive and amazing girl was touching your thighs. It would be a bad idea to get a boner with her head on my lap. I still couldn't concentrate, even with the consequences in mind. God would that be embarrassing. Atari had her wide eyes trained on the pages, sucking lightly on her lip. Every time that I tried to start a conversation I got shushed. If I tried to continue it, she'd hit my arm. It better have been a good plot line or I have some serious complaints.

I set my book down and began playing with her hair. I don't know how girls do it, but their hair is always so fucking soft. My mum taught me how to braid when I was little, but I couldn't exactly remember how. Her hair is going to be so tangled by the end of this. LOL YOLO.

"Dan. What the bloody fuck are you doing?" she asked me, still reading.

"Trying to braid your hair," I responded.

"Dan. Dan. No. That's. Ow. Fuck. Stop pulling at my hair!" Atari was moving around on the sofa, trying to get out of my grasp. Her face was buried deeper into my lap, making my focus turn to mush. I couldn't remember how to talk, much less fix her hair. I was laughing at her frustrated expression. "I hate you."

"You don't hate me, you love me," I said, making her blush. She was so cute.

"Nope. I hate you. Forever in a pit!" I chuckled at her answer and bit my lip. This girl doesn't know what she does to me.

"Is that book any different from the twenty seven times you've read it?" I asked with a smirk. She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. Cute...

"Yes. This book is magic."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes. It turns into whatever kind of book you want it to be." Her response was a bit delayed due to the fact that she was still reading.

"So it could be smutty fanfiction if you wanted?" I questioned.

"Definitely, Dan. I'm just reading a fic about Captain America." Her answer was facetious, spilling of sarcasm. She adjusted her legs on the other end of the couch, making Soup purred and curled up against Atari again. I'd be jealous, but I already had her head on my lap.

After a while of silence, my fingers getting tired of messing with her hair, I broke the quiet. "So are you a Nerdfighter?"

She looked up at me, a straight expression on her face. "You're lucky that I was done with that chapter... thing..." Atari set her book down to rest on her lap before responding. "I don't consider myself one, mostly because I don't want to be one. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that they are a little intense. And I don't want to be part of that drama. I have Nerdfighter friends that are always stressed, and I don't want to be like that. I am a fighter for nerds, but I don't want that label. The Vlog brothers are fantastic, and I love John's books, Doctor Who, and Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean that I'm a Nerdfighter, you know?"

"Yeah, I think that makes sense. God knows that I'm not a Nerdfighter. I respect the fact that they are so close, but I'm not going to be one myself," I said. "Now, as much as I hate to even think of removing my head from near my crotch, I'm starving. So please move." A rose colour spread over her face as she got off of the couch.

* * *

Atari

"I really should get to uploading that video soon," Dan said as we tried to scavenge for food in the kitchen. I came across some left over pancakes from yesterday's breakfast. I was actually really excited.

"Yeah, why haven't you done that yet?" To be honest, I wasn't to worried about it. I mean, I'm proud of him and everything, but I don't want to fight for him with one. million. other. subscribers. They're anonymous people, just sitting behind their computer, freaking out over someone that they've been trolling for the past who knows how long. And they're so pretty. I focused my attention back to Dan.

"I've been hanging out with you guys. And I think that I might finally upload the Vegas video."

"Really?" I set down the food and spun to see him.

"Yeah, but it's taking forever. And I like to procrastinate."

"I know. I hope that's not the only reason that you're over, eating my food," I said.

"Sorry to break this to you, but it is. I don't really like you." Dan's face was dead serious, but he was looking at me with twinkling eyes.

"Yeah right. You loooooooove me," I taunted, jokingly. We laughed and I hid my face behind a curtain of hair. I changed the subject. "So what does your shirt mean?" He had on a black shirt with a glowing circle on it. He looked up at me, a mildly horrified expression on his face. "Is it a band?"

"You don't know what this is for? Have you ever seen The Ring?" I could feel his voice judging me.

I hesitated. "No. What's it about?"

"Holy shit. Oh fuck. I'm going to go get the movie. You make some popcorn. We are watching this film right now. Right. Now," he said, leaving the kitchen. His hurried footsteps were heard throughout the apartment, the door slamming not even ten seconds later.

Relief washed over me. Finally. He came over right as I looked like crap. Now I can feel comfortable in different clothes instead of the ones that I shrugged on when I heard the door open. While the bag of popcorn made little bursts of sounds, the microwave on the preset time, I swapped my apparel. So maybe leggings and a giant Fall Out Boy shirt weren't really "attractive," they were definitely comfortable. Side note: FALL OUT BOY IS OFF OF HIATUS OH MY FUCKING GOD THE FEELS. Whoa Okay, it's all good now. I needed to celebrate.

Hung outside of the door to the kitchen was a calender, taped up with artist tape that Micah has a bundle of. A few years ago, she made about four or five calendars for one of her classes using the photos that she took during the year. So now she has up until 2015 in calendars. Otherwise, I would never know the date. For some odd reason, she crosses off the days that have past. A big x is made on every passed square. Valentine's Day was only a week away. I hate that holiday. She even drew little hearts around the day, little smiley faces inside of the 14. Ironically, in her sloppy handwriting, she had written "National Single Awareness Day."

The door swung open, hitting the wall. "I'M HERE, IT'S OKAY. I have brought the movie. Got the popcorn?"

"Ummm... I remembered the fact that the bag was indeed inside of the microwave, but didn't remember to actually take it out and put the popcorn in a bowl."

"Oh God. I give you one job! This is why we can't have nice things. Okay, go put this in the DVD player and I'll figure out the popcorn. Over and out," Dan said, running over to the kitchen. His butt looked mighty attractive in his sweatpants that were slung low on his hips. "Atari, I know that I'm really sexy, but you can go into the living room. I'll be right there," he said sarcastically when he got to the door.

I blushed and left for the lounge with the film in my hands. The Ring. There was a scary looking girl's face, masked with blood and greasy hair. I hate horror movies. I'm such a pussy. Put me in front of 48 zombies and I'll be chopping off heads and slashing at bodies like no tomorrow. I can win at any supernatural video game (not only the genre, but also the TV show, if there were any video games about the TV show). But I can't control the actors in films.

Dan came in, a bowl of buttery popped corn in a bowl and two Diet Cokes. "I can't believe that you don't have any regular Coke. Diet is shit," he stated. "Did you get the movie to work?"

"No, Dan, it's not like the menu is on the screen or anything." Sarcasm dripped from my tongue.

"Well press play!"

"Christ! I'm getting to it. Calm your tits." I pressed the play button on the remote.

"I won't. These can't be calmed," Dan said, making me laugh. Then the movie started.

And by the end, I concluded, that I am a total wimp. My head was in Dan's chest, my legs pressed flush against his, my arm had a vice grip on his, and small shrieks were let out every now and again. I need to compose myself.

Only once the credits were rolling did I notice my position on Dan. His breathe fanned over my neck, his fingers toyed with mine. "You okay?" he asked, his voice was quiet and personal.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. That was a good movie. Scary, but good." I pulled back from him, immediately missing his warmth. His arm slid from it's spot around me and his face fell just a bit. I looked at the time. "Whoa. When do you think that Micah will be getting back? It's already nine at night."

"Don't be a protective older sister. Let her stay out late for once." I stuck my tongue out at him. "You're so mature, Atari."

"And you're not," I reciprocated.

"Are you hungry? I'm hungry. Let's go to the store and get some comfort food, cause I have one million subscribers!"

"Fuck yeah!"

* * *

I hated the tension sometimes. For instance, on the tube, there was such an intense amount of people, that there was no space between any of our bodies. Instead of doing something like, I don't know, like push people so I had space, I just pressed closer to Dan. Then again, I didn't have much of a choice due to the others that insisted that they must by all means get right where there was no room. There were too many girls with exposed skin to handle. I felt like I was being pressed up against on purpose. Dan was about a head taller than me, his chin at my forehead. He was perfect height in my opinion.

We were breathing the same air, and I looked up to see his brown eyes clouded with an unrecognizable emotion, his bottom lip between his teeth. I hid my blush under my fringe of dark brown hair. Someone behind me stepped back, making me step forward, closing the two inch gap between Dan and I. I wanted nothing more than to brush the hair away from his eyes. Or kiss him. Or something. Anything to break this extreme awareness of our surroundings.

The tension only built. It was stupid things, like our hands brushing when we walked next to each other on the pavement, our shoulders touching. I wanted to grab hold of his hand so hard that I break my wrist. I liked being so close, getting those jealous looks from the other girls on the street.

And grocery shopping was easy. We both walked through the store and put what we liked in the basket. But there was this unspoken agreement on what we were eating. Breakfast for dinner was like an instinctual move. Bacon, eggs, and crumpets were the only things on the menu. I used to go shopping with Ben, but never like this. Dan poked me, made fun of me a bit, danced around the produce isle, and we just generally made complete fools of our selves. It wasn't about some stupid crush, it was about spending time with him. I liked how he talked with his hands, throwing around the food. I liked him. I liked being around him. Not to quote any books or anything, but in that moment, I felt infinite.

* * *

We ate together in the lounge, watching Insidious, where I was once again a total wimp.

"So, I don't know if Micah mentioned this, but she kicked me out of my own apartment for the night," Dan said while we went to clean up the dishes.

"She what?"

"Well, I didn't really want to be there for whatever they had planned."

"Hey now-"

"HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF," he sang. I sighed.

"Dan. No. But I guess it makes sense, I'm just happy that it wasn't at this apartment."

"So can I stay here? I don't take that much room."

"Sure. Why not. Omg. I can like do your nails and we can watch Jersey Shore and do facials and like talk about boys. IT'LL BE A SLUMBER PARTY." He stared at me. I could practically hear him saying "go kill yourself." This got me giggling, leaning on the counter for support.

* * *

"So I'm just going to crash on your couch."

"Sounds good," I said, carrying a couple blankets to the lounge. He took them from my arms and wished me a good night. I said the same and climbed into my own bed.

But then my mind seemed to be on hyper alert. I felt like Samara was going to climb out from under my bed, or I was never going to wake up once I fell asleep. No matter how much time I spent laying in bed, counting sheep, rolling about, or thinking quietly to myself, I couldn't fall into slumber.

So, tea seemed to be the only reasonable answer. At two in the morning, I went to make myself some tea, trying to not wake up Dan. But, like the tired, immature girl that I am, I accidentally hit the toaster on my way to turn off the light, crashing it against the coffee maker and sending them both flying onto the floor, creating a large bang.

Then after about ten seconds of standing there, my hand over my heart, I said the first thing I could think of. "Shit."

I heard distant shuffling from the other room and footsteps. "What the fuck, Atari?"

"Sorry." I then decided it would be a good idea to pick them both up.

"So did you just decide it would be good to knock over kitchen appliances?" he mumbled incoherently.

"Yes. That's it exactly."

"What was the real reason?" he asked, picking up the coffee maker and setting it on the counter.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Want a partner?" Dan's voice was sleepy, like he was only half awake.

"Sure." Dan took my hand in his and pulled me to my room, stumbling around in the dark.

And we fell asleep, comfortably. And happily.


	29. The Morning

Micah

There was a light transition between a state of unconsciousness and the realization of where I was, the sun streaming through the window. Phil had his arms wrapped loosely around my waist. Memories from last night floated back to me, making me melt again. I recollected the way that he held me, the way that he was forceful, but not too forceful, the way he told me he loved me, and amazing the entire experience was. It was perfect. I don't think that I've ever had a night filled with so much emotion. Well, I mean, the finale of the eleventh doctor of Doctor Who was a close second, but nothing like this.

"Good morning," Phil said, kissing the junction between my neck and shoulder. I pulled up the covers over my chest, right to my collar bone.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Better than ever. I love waking up next to you," he said, cuddling closer to me. I could feel his warm breath on my neck, making me giggle.

"I do too." I turned around to face him, sleepy smiles on our faces. We were just about to meet in the middle of the two inch gap when we heard a squeak. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"There was a squeak-" it happened again. "See! There!"

"No, I didn't see-"

"Shh! Listen." We did. Another little squeak and some tiny footsteps were heard outside of the door. I huddled closer to Phil. I think it's a mouse."

"Don't tell me you're afraid of a little mouse."

"I'm not. But what if it's not a mouse? What if it's just a really sneaky monster. I'm not even dressed! How can I fight a sneaky monster?"

"It's not a monster. Here, let's go check it out." Phil smiled at me with bright blue eyes. He in his boxers, and me in my Superman panties and Phil's shirt, we went to investigate. "I swear I had a humane mouse trap around here somewhere."

"Well where did you put it?"

"Ummm..." Phil searched through their kitchen, finding nothing.

"I think we got farther away from the noise."

"I think you're right. I know that I didn't put it in my room or the bathroom. Let's check the lounge."

We did, finding nothing but random objects behind the back of furniture that Dan put. I don't know about that man. Wait. Dan.

"What about Dan's room?" I asked.

His face lit up. "Yeah! I put it in Dan's room when he was talking about how he was hearing a mouse a while ago!" We went to find it, playing hot and cold with the small rodent.

"You didn't kill it, right?"

"NO! I wouldn't kill a precious little mousy."

"Good."

We did eventually find the mice. And Phil decided that it would be a smart idea to just leave them there until he found a better place. He was cooing at the little animals, showering them with compliments. It was really cute, I'm not going to lie.

* * *

Atari

I woke up in the same bed as Dan. The morning sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating his sleeping figure. His bare back was facing me, about a foot away. I was touching his legs with my foot, his head was not even half a meter close to mine. I didn't want to be interrupted.

"HONEY I'M HOME AND I HAVE NEWS WHERE ARE YOU?!" Micah yelled, the door opened with a crash against the wall.

Fuck.

"GUESS WHAT PHIL AND I-" she yelled as she came through my room. Micah noticed that there was another body in my bed. "Ohhhhhhh okay I'll tell you later." She closed the door quickly, slamming it behind her.

"Is that Micah?"

"Who else?"

"I want to go back to bed. Your pillows are comfortable."

"Me too."

"But we can't, can we?"

"Nope."

We both got out of bed reluctantly, letting the covers fall where they may. He mumbled something about checking on Phil and mice or something as he was putting his shirt back on. I said goodbye as he left the flat, waving at me.

Sure, I wanted a lazy way to wake up, right next to this guy that I liked, then drink coffee and cuddle, but I knew that wouldn't happen. So I trudged out of my room, going to see what she was hollering about.

"Is he gone?"

"Yes."

"Good. Okay. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"HE IS SO FUCKING SWEET OMG HE LIKED MY IDEAS AND THEN WE WENT TO HIS FLAT FOR THE NIGHT AND WE DID STUFF AND IT WAS SUPER AMAZING."

"Did what stuff? Like watched movies, or played chess, or-"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. WE DID _STUFF._"

Micah was pacing around the lounge, ranting about all of this _stuff_, and I'm not surprised. I was like that when I was with Ben. But she kept going, and going, and going. Her face got to a rose colour, just like the dyed bits of her hair. I was interested, but not enough to pay absolute attention.

"What music did you have on?" I asked. I knew that she liked when I asked her questions. They were more reasons to talk.

"We didn't."

"At all?"

"No, Atari. It was just him and I and I could-"

"Shut up. I don't want to know the details. I've got fanfiction for that."

"Still. It was amazing. I think that I really love him."

"So this isn't some fling?"

"No. This is real. I don't know how to describe it. But even as we were just on the roof, I felt... invincible. Like there was nothing that could penetrate this relationship. I don't want to fight with him, ever. And he's so sweet. He takes care of me, yet he knows that I'm not fragile." To be honest, she sounded like it was real. If she was a cartoon, her eyes would be hearts, beating in time with the one bulging out of her chest, her hands held next to her face. She's in deep.

I was like that a bit with Ben. But it was only for half of a month, just a honeymoon phase without the entire honeymoon part. That was back when I was addicted to Bon Iver like he was a drug worse than heroin, my nails were long, I wore a lot of sandals, and my hair started to dread.


	30. It's Been One Week

"MY SONGS KNOW WHAT YOU DID IN THE DAAAAAARRRRKKKKKK!" I sang, dancing around my flat. It was a Monday and I was feeling good, last night I listened to Dan and Phil's radio show while Micah was in the studio with them. And I felt good.

It was the first day in two weeks that I have had the house to myself. Sure, it made me productive to be sitting on my couch, finishing off a few video games, and laying on my bed, typing out the reports, and attending meetings via Skype with my other coworkers. I did have social interaction, just not in person. I don't think that I've shaved my legs in two weeks either.

In fact, in the past two weeks, I haven't done much at all. I haven't talked to Dan in two weeks, Phil has practically lived at my house, and the most advanced meal that I've made was mac and cheese. I should be proud.

On Valentine's Day, I was alone for about two hours while Micah and Phil went out. I texted Dan about Skyrim and then decorated my roommate's door with cheesy tumblr valentines. I ate about twenty pounds of food and demolished chocolate and some Ben and Jerry's. I couldn't help but think about Dan the entire time, even as I was chopping off the bad guys' heads.

But today was a new day. I had made a brand new mix tape (okay, fine, playlist. Just let me use my imagination) for this time. I was so happy, and I couldn't explain it. I felt motivated to actually do something. I could shave my legs! Fuck yeah!

But at that moment, I felt that singing Fall Out Boy was more important. Micah gave me crap about my voice when she had her boyfriend over. I love Phil, I really do, but I want a chance to be awkward once in a while. You can't hold this baby back. That's bad parenting, mama.

And when I said that I like Phil, I really do. We actually had some crucial bonding time pretty recently. When Micah would stay at her work late, Phil and I would play Pokemon together, laughing like I do with my brother. Phil is similar to Felix in so many great ways. Just the other day we were discussing the many benefits of being in our twenties, and we agreed on so much. I mean, he likes that he can buy things on his own, and go where ever he wants, and buy alcohol to cook with, and just look like an adult. We felt like we were playing dress up, wearing our parents suits and dresses, but in reality we were only five. I can honestly say that he was great for Micah. He's thinking of making a video with her, but isn't sure how to make her not camera shy. I'll have to see how that goes over.

The two of them were going grocery shopping, Phil for his flat and Micah for ours. They liked feeling like grown ups, and I liked not having to leave the house.

I had moved onto "Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheatus when a knock came on the door. I continued singing, okay with the fact that I was wearing my bright blue Drop Dead sweatshirt with a monster on it and Star Wars leggings. As long as I had pants, I'd be fine.

"Yep?" I asked, opening the door. Lo and behold, there stood Dan. I wasn't too phased. I ushered him in, though unaware of what exactly his business was.

"I was wondering how you would feel about going to Starbucks with me?" Dan's wide brown eyes looked at me for the first time in quite a while, bringing a smile and an "I'd love to," from my mouth.

"Good! Let's go," he said, pulling my hand out the door, leaving the music on and all of my stuff behind.

"Dan! I have to get my money!"

"I'm paying, let's gooooo," he insisted. I tugged on my boots and followed him out of the door and into the lift.

"What's the occasion?" I giggled. "Why are we in such a hurry?"

"Well I want coffee and Maltesers, and I told Phil that I wouldn't leave the house."

"Why?"

"Because I found that stupid mouse eating my mother fucking chocolate and this is war. It's war. I mean that was my perfectly good bag of Maltesers! How dare he-"

"No, I meant why did you tell Phil you wouldn't leave the house?"

"Ohhhhhh. Because I'm supposed to be with my personal trainer, but I didn't actually schedule anything for today. And I really want a caramel macchiato. And why not bring along my favourite brunette American girl that lives in this apartment?"

"Dan, I'm the only American girl in this apartment with brown hair."

"Noooo, there's this other girl that yelled at me once. She's about 45 and I had to ride the lift with her a few times."

"Well in that case."

Dan laughed and pulled me with him again as we left the elevator. He tugged me out onto the street, stopping traffic to cross. I'm sure that we looked like stupid college kids. I couldn't get over the fact that he was still holding my hand in his, spreading a warmth through my body. He was enticing.

"So what's this story with the mice?" I asked as we got on the pavement.

"Well Phil caught two of them in this humane trap thing, then broke the news to me live on the radio." He saw my eyes widen. "I know. So we got home, wondering what we were going to do with these two mice in the sink. But when we got there, we couldn't find them. They weren't there. So the other day I went in and saw one EATING MY FUCKING CHOCOLATE. THIS MEANS WAR."

I giggled at him, a bit dissapointed that he talks with his hand, because he let go of mine.

"OH MY GOD IS THAT DAN?!" some girl on the sidewalk yelled. She was obviously a teenager, she had on just jeans and a t-shirt, but lots of eyeliner on, her figure buried under her jacket. I heard giggles and shrieks before the blonde and her friends with multi-coloured hair came over. "Hi, are you Dan Howell? From YouTube? danisnotonfire?"

"Yep, that's me," he said, smiling. I felt like a fish out of water.

"That is so cool. I'm Angie and I can't believe that I'm meeting you! I've been watching your videos for the last year and oh my god I love your channel so much that-"

"Angie, breathe," the girl next to her said, setting her hand on the girl's shoulder. Angie took deep breaths, setting her hands on her knees.

"Sorry. I'm just such a fan. You're my role model. I've made a few drawings of you." Angie was blinking rapidly, her voice was shaky. I remembered back to when I was like that.

Dan was blushing, a huge smile on his face. "Do you have pictures of them? I'd love to see them." In half a second, she was showing him pictures on her fancy phone, Dan giving her compliments. I took their pictures, all of the girls and Dan, then just that one girl and Dan. It was kind of... cute.

Then she looked over at me, breaking her staring contest with Dan. I was kind of shocked. I don't like when strangers look at me like that. My eyes got wide like a deer in headlights before moving away from her gaze. "Holy... Are you Atari?"

"Come on Ang-"

"Shut up, one second, destiny calls. You guys are so freaking cute together. I've watched that video of the two of you about a million times and I don't even know what to say, and that one YouNow is all over tumblr. I'm so jealous of you! Dan. Don't loose her! She's so perfect!" Angie went from excited to stern in a matter of seconds, her two friends flanked her, laughing and looking around on the sidewalk, like they wanted to be far away from their embarrassing friend. "And I mean you're even wearing his-"

"Okay, thank you for letting her talk to you, but we have to take her away now. Have a nice day, sorry to bother you," her friend with short black hair with two spikes said. She looked really familiar for some reason. She had oval rimmed glasses, and kind of big teeth, but they were cute on her for some reason. And she was wearing a white shirt with a blue glob thing on it.

As we went our own ways, Angie squealing to her friends, and Dan and I awkwardly keeping distance between us, just trying to get to Starbucks as quickly as possible. I've never encountered that before. "Does that happen to you a lot?"

"More now that I'm on the radio. To be honest, I don't like it all that much. It's so surreal."

"I don't like it either," I said. "Well, I mean, I don't like that they talk to me. I don't mean anything about you. You having a bunch of pretty fans is great and wonderful and I'm sure that you're actually enjoying it I mean who wouldn't right? Oh look Starbucks come on lets go in." I didn't mean to spill that all out in one sentence but it just sort of happened that way. I was feeling anxious, nervous, and a bit touchy. I felt... deflated. Yeah, that's a good word to describe it.

"Calm down. I'm getting you a caramel macchiato because it's my favourite."

"It's my favourite too!"

"Good, then I'll go order. Stay right here and be prepared to make a break for it back to the apartment."

I did just that, as I was waiting, looking at the pictures and sitting on the closest chair to the exit. Was I jealous of this girl that he's never met? I mean, I've taken pictures with him before. And he's smiled at me before. I just don't want to have to share him with anyone other than Phil.

"Atari! Let's run! I have to be home!" he exclaimed, handing me my coffee and holding the door open for me, giving me a burst of cool air. We laughed to each other as we slipped past the austere men in business suits and bitter women in pencil skirts going the opposite way. It seemed as though we were the only two colourful members of society that day. Dan was wearing an orange shirt with some sort of comic on it, and we were the only two running. The stuffy London people on their lunch break were tutting at us in scorn, but we didn't care. It was fun. The warm beverage contradicted the cold air, and little bursts of dragon smoke blew out of our mouths as we rushed past each other until we finally got to the sidewalk, stepping out of the crowd.

His brown eyes were bright and excited, wrinkled at the corners from his smile. I bit my lip and grinned, pulling his hand to cross the street. A burst of childhood youth ran through my veins, only to be stopped by Dan's complaints about exercise. I let him catch his breath as we walked slowly to the building and to the lobby.

The elevator chimed as it arrived. We got in the silver box, our hair completely messy, our coffee cooling down, our pupils adjusting, our clothing in a disheveled array on our bodies as the warmth of the building sunk into our skin. And in that moment, I knew why I liked him so much.

It wasn't the heating of the lift that kept me warm, it was the fact that he was right there, standing oh so close to me, breathing deeply, smelling of amazing cologne, a good head taller than me, his chocolate eyes meeting mine. And all of these emotions and feelings came to me in a matter of seconds.

"Did you get your chocolate?" I asked, trying to distract us from the close situation we were in.

"Yep, Starbucks is a beautiful place," Dan said. There was this stir in my stomach as he came closer to me, making me back up into the side of the lift.

"Yes it is, you know I just love that coffee shop, I mean, I've had others, but it's nice because you can find the same thing on every menu and-"

"Atari?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." Dan stepped one little bit closer and I closed my eyes, everything flew away, but I kept hold of my drink. He had one hand above my head and the other around his cup. And I felt his lips press against mine firmly and softly.


	31. Whoa

"Yep, Starbucks is a beautiful place," Dan said. There was this stir in my stomach as he came closer to me, making me back up into the side of the lift.

"Yes it is, you know I just love that coffee shop, I mean, I've had others, but it's nice because you can find the same thing on every menu and-"

"Atari?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." Dan stepped one little bit closer and I closed my eyes, everything flew away, but I kept hold of my drink. He had one hand above my head and the other around his cup. And I felt his lips press against mine firmly and softly.

I snaked my arm around his head, pulling his mouth closer to mine, knotting my fingers in his hair. His tongue slid between mine and I gasped. The tension was finally breaking, but it was replaced by this insane lust in my brain. What is going on?!

The lift let out a ding, making us pull apart suddenly. It was my floor. I took one look at Dan's face, seeing regret and a bit of uneasiness. "Bye," I said as I ran out of the elevator and into my apartment.

God I shouldn't have kissed him back. It doesn't matter that it wasn't that long. God, Atari, you just screwed everything up! He's not going to want to be around you anymore! You saw his face! He was disgusted.

I ran into my bedroom after setting down my coffee. I screamed as loud as I could into my pillows. It was worthy of a horror movie or a roller coaster... or both. So I picked up my phone. And texted Ben.

* * *

"FUCK YOU GOD. I HATE EVERYTHING WHY DO YOU EVEN EXIST?!" I yelled at the screen. I didn't even know how to feel. What should I do?! I mean, I can only eat so much ice cream before gaining a ton of weight.

"Honey, I'm home!"

"So is Phil!"

"GOD I HATE EVERYONE WHY IS LIFE SO COMPLICATED. AHAHAHAAAAA," I screamed as I pressed pause and stuck a spoonful of Ben and Jerry's into my mouth.

"Okay, so I'm going to let you have your girl time together, and go check on Dan," Phil said before pecking my roommate on the cheek and leaving.

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER AND I'M LEFT TO FIGURE OUT THIS MESS?! MICAH HE HAS A MILLION OTHER GIRLS THAT LIKE HIM. A MILLION. THAT'S SO MANY GIRLS, MICAH. I MEAN COME ON. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!"

"To be fair, not all of the million subscribers are female," she said as she set her jacket on the chair.

"BUT THEY ALL WANT IN HIS PANTS MICAH. I CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT."

"No, they don't."

"YES THEY DO AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE HE KI-AHAHAHAAAAAAAA," I started sobbing without the tears, just so done with the world. It was like a hurricane through my body, but none of the water. I didn't even know how to respond.

"He what?" Micah came over to me and sat down on the couch.

"HE KISSED ME, MICAH!" She went silent, I was silent, the television was silent, and the words hung in the air on a noose.

"I don't see why that's a bad thing," she said, breaking the quiet.

"IT'S A TERRIBLE THING. NOW EVERYTHING IS RUINED AND I BET HE REGRETS IT AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP WITH HIM OR ANYTHING ANYMORE. IT'S GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING SO AWKWARD." God, sometimes she just doesn't get it.

"I think that you're over reacting. You need a drink." I didn't stop her as she went into the kitchen to create some sort of alcoholic beverage.

* * *

Dan

We were standing on the lift, and she was so beautiful. Atari's hair was naturally crimped, and today her bangs were pushed back by hear hands and the wind. Her blue eyes were so perfect. I didn't know how to control myself, to be honest.

**Expectation:**

I set down our coffees on the other side of the lift and turned to face this gorgeous girl. She was so enchanting and she didn't even know.

"What are you doing, Dan?" she asked in a low voice.

"Atari I don't know when I started liking you, but it's been quite some time now. I haven't felt like this towards a girl in such a long time. You have no idea what you do to me. I mean, I've never really been like this and I don't like to rant very often, and I probably come off as a turnip right now but I mean fu-"

"Dan?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up," she said, pulling me towards her petite figure. Atari led my hands to her waist then put hers in my hair, never breaking her gaze. Our breath came out in short puffs as she set her lips against mine forcefully. She broke the last shred I had of patience. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my hips. In response, she pried open my lips and slid her tongue in. God, I could spend forever with this girl. She broke away for air and I moved to her neck.

"Phil's not home, is he?" she asked me. "I've liked you for a really long time, Dan."

"No, he's not," I chuckled, pressing the button for my floor.

**Reality:**

We were standing in the lift, exhausted. I was feeling gross and like I was about to cough up my lungs. And if I didn't cough them up, then I was going to tear them out. I hate exercise.

"Did you get your chocolate?" she asked. I took my focus off of my physical pain and onto my friend-that-is-a-girl. She was so stunning, and I loved the way that she kept her hair messy. She had a bit of pink tint added to her cheeks.

"Yep, Starbucks is a beautiful place," I said. I took a step closer to her, invited by her captivating eyes and messy clothing.

"Yes it is, you know I ju-" I stopped listening for a second. She was so cute when she ranted. But then she didn't stop. So I felt this was the perfect time. I could tell that felt something from the close proximity that we were in.

"Atari?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." I stepped even closer to her, trying not to push my limits. She bit her lip just a tiny bit and seemed to radiate closer to me. I took that as a sign. With one hand above her head and the other holding onto my drink, I kissed her. And I mean, _kissed _her. I haven't kissed anyone like this in such a long time. She tasted like coffee and I never wanted to stop. I felt her respond and kiss me back.

Then the bell rang. And she ran away.

* * *

I have never had such a hatred for elevator bells.

I wanted to stay there and kiss her all day, I wanted to be able to call her mine, to watch Death Note and Lord of the Rings with her, I wanted to be able to have her open up to me. I mean, is that so hard to ask?

I couldn't get the feeling of the touch of her lips on mine out of my head. Wow. I was in a trance until I found my way into my flat. I sat on the couch and went on YouTube and Twitter. I guess I was just staring at that screen for a while, because I was still thinking when Phil came in, looking rather confused.

"What happened?" I asked. I hope nothing went wrong with Micah. That would suck for Phil. He really likes her.

"Atari was confused, I think. Did you do something?"

"Well I kissed her."

"What?"

I told him the story of the day, even though it involved disobeying his orders to stay in the flat. And we both were extremely confused.

I decided that we needed to talk. Because, like I've been learning from all these books that Atari has been recommending me, that we only accept the love that we think we deserve.

By the way, when I say recommend, I mean forced reading. But they were good books. I was on _The Fault in Our Stars._ It was rather heart-wrenching.


	32. What Do I Do?

Micah

"I'm so fucking sick of all this bullshit that's going on around here. Can't anyone tell that I don't want to talk to them or even know that they're breathing? Why is that so fucking hard to understand," Atari was pacing around the living room, picking up her phone, setting it down, and picking it back up again. She's going on a killing spree, and I'm the one that's going to have to clean up the mess.

I was my room, painting and trying to ignore Atari. A knock came on the door. Great. "GOD I'M SO SICK OF THIS SHIT." I heard her stomp over to the door and yell, "IF YOU HAVE A PENIS GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS DOOR," then let out a blood curdling scream, and proceeded to run into her room and collapse on the bed. The springs complained of the sudden addition of weight.

I needed to figure out what happened between Dan and her. I don't see what's so bad about a kiss. I thought that would solve a lot of problems.

It was getting a bit nicer out as the days went by, the sun was out for longer, and everything seemed brighter. I would be gleefully enjoying my time if it weren't for Atari's mood swings right now. I feel sorry for whatever lad she ends up with. Soup purred at my feet, reminding me to get the door.

"Sorry about that," I apologized as I saw Dan's retreating figure walking back to the lift. He turned around at the sound of my voice.

"It's not a problem. I just came to give Atari her book back. Can I come in?"

"I'd love to let you in, but she'd rip your throat out for not having a vagina. And I don't know what happened, so I'm just going to say, for the safety of all of us, no."

"What happened?" I came out into the hallway, closing the door behind me. Dan stood there, reminding me of a brotherly figure.

"Who ever she is texting is being a jerk, and the whole lift incident happened. So she is upset at every man, no matter what," I said. "Wait, shouldn't I be asking you that? Did you say anything to her?"

"Not that I know of. I kissed her and she ran away."

"I suggest you clean this mess up when she's a bit calmer. She's been doing nothing but yelling. I'm surprised her vocal cords aren't damaged." He handed me the ruined book that I've tried to replace for her. I even got myself the box set of all of John Green's work.

"Well good luck with that. Phil says hi, by the way." I blushed and smiled a bit, recollecting my feelings for him. Dan saluted me with two fingers and headed on his way.

* * *

That was three days ago. It had been four days since the lift incident and Atari had yet to talk to Dan about it, she just stayed glued to her phone. I've hacked into her Facebook with help of Angel just to check on her. Trust me, she's done this plenty of times to me before, even when there was still a frequently used MySpace.

It just worried me that she was cooped up in her room for the past few days, only coming out for water. Dan was worried, always pacing his flat, checking every social network, eating everything in the house. He asked me more questions than my boyfriend when I went over to their flat. I was genuinely worried about both of them. Enough is enough. I'm done. She's been so moody for the past few days, going from angry to sad in a matter of seconds.

"You know that you're going to have to do something about it eventually," I said, stirring up the Ramen.

"I don't want to, okay? Even though I feel like all of this is piling up on one big mountain of shit and I'm the one forced to shovel it, I'm not going to do anything. Plus Ben isn't helping me at all," Atari called from the hallway.

"Whoa. What? That's why you've been so attached to your phone? Because of Ben?" I poked my head out to see her standing against the wall.

"Well yeah... He was nice to me and when I was sad he was always there so I fig-"

"No. That... thing cheated on you! He doesn't deserve your attention, Dan does!" God, I'm so fed up with her.

"It's _my _life, Micah." Excuse me?

"Yeah, and you're _my_ roommate, part of _my_ life, and _my_ best friend. So sucks cause I'm figuring all of this shit out with or without you. Now come into this kitchen right now or I swear to God I'll delete all of your save files."

"You wouldn't."

"Want to bet? Get. In. Here. NOW." I'm not a very angry person, but when I get annoyed, I will act on it. She followed me into the small room as I took the noodles off of the heat.

"Micah-"

"No. Okay? Talking to him is begging for drama." She was silent as I moved around the kitchen to prepare the food. I could feel the guilt radiate off of her. I wanted to throw her out the window! Why would she do this to Dan?! She likes him! UUUGGGGGHHHHHH.

"Now. I need you to give me your phone," I instructed as we sat down with two big bowls of noodles and chopsticks. She avoided my gaze. "Come on, baby, give me the phone. You need a break."

She looked like she was about to cry at any moment and moved to get up and leave. "Hey, Atari," I coaxed. She kept stirring around her untouched dinner, facing the exit. "Come on, buttercup, look here." This time she did as I told. "What is going to make you cheer up? Talk to me, okay? I don't want to have to be in my mom mode anymore. I want to be in the friend mode."

"So I can rant and you won't get mad?"

"I won't, I promise. And then we can watch Mean Girls with Soup." Atari giggled and smiled a bit.

"Okay, so the thing is, I really like Dan. But after we kissed on the elevator, I could swear that I saw regret and shit in his facial expression. And I just got one of those feelings, you know, where I felt like I was intruding."

"Wait, did he kiss you or did you kiss him?"

"He kissed me."

"Well then, he meant to do that. I don't think that he would regret it. Was the kiss any good?"

"Yeah," she blushed and smiled. "But that's not the point. I ran away. And I felt like if I did anything or said anything, it would be a waste because... because he doesn't like me as much as I like him. So I'm just setting myself up for another heart ache. You know? And I don't know how to feel about it. Am I supposed to cry? Or scream? Or recite Shakespeare? Go on a shopping spree? Cut my hair? Sing sappy love songs and play guitar? What do I do, Micah?" She looked so exasperated. I didn't know how to respond. Atari had little tears trickling down the side of her face, just little baby dove ones, not crocodile tears. Hesitation is normal for her, but confusion was rare.

"You're not supposed to hide."

* * *

Atari

"What do I wear?!" I asked myself. Should I be cute or repulsive? It was Sunday and I was being dragged to the radio show. I had been doing such a good job by avoiding Dan, but Micah didn't trust me alone for some reason. So I was going with.

I knew that he would tell me that it was all a mistake, that he took too much cold medicine, or that he wasn't thinking right, maybe he thought that I was the girl he liked for a split second before he remembered. I mean, why would he like me?

I put on my sea foam green button up and army green leggings, scrunched up thigh high socks, my old rain boots, and Micah's bomber jacket. I think that I've worn this so many more times that she has. It had a big picture of a cat's face on the back and was a dark greenish grey colour that made my hair look excellent. I brought along my laptop, Paper Towns, and my phone.

I honestly didn't like talking to Ben, in fact, I hated it. He was very flirtatious, calling me babe and Assteroid, like the game, but spelled with the word "ass." No, I was not a fan. But whatever. And he was sweet sometimes. He'd ask me about my day and tell me that he missed me. But I didn't miss him, I just needed someone to talk to.

I couldn't talk to Hazel because she was so busy with her extra year at uni. Alice was pregnant. Bailey is getting married. Jordan is too busy at his work. I only had Ben. My uni friends were great to have small talk with, but not deep conversations. I guess I was just looking for something familiar. I wanted stability that I couldn't find, and I was getting tires of trying to walk on water because I'd just end up drowning.

Phil and Dan came to the door and I joined them just in time, my headphones in my ears to tune out the world. Nothing could distract me from the overwhelming need to kiss Dan again. It's been too long since I've seen him. Even on the underground, surrounded by a bunch of gross people, I still wanted to be right next to him and tell him that I liked him. But I settled for small glances every now and then in his general direction.

One or twice I caught him looking back at me. Each time sent a new dagger through my heart. I didn't want to be the cause behind his broken brown eyes.


	33. Acceptance

Temple. Run. Has. Become. My. Love. Life. As Dan, Phil, and Micah were all sitting next to each other in the cab, Dan and Phil facing Micah and myself, I was on my phone. They were talking about some crap or another, adding little bits of banter back and forth as I sat there, doing nothing. I didn't want to interact. All I wanted was to go on tumblr and beat my past score on TR. Only three hundred more points to go.

They should make a Tumblr Run. You would run around your house or your dashboard and then turn to avoid parents or other people and then instead of coins it would be different foods and sweatshirts or something. Someone tried to get my attention, but I was only fifty three points away. I mumbled something in agreement and went back to the game. Right, left. Okay, no. Yes. Good. YES. OH MY FUCKING GOD. FINALLY. Now I can go on my tumblr feeling satisfactory.

"Atari, what are you doing?"

"Mrmpth," I responded, going back to my phone. I plugged in my headphones to my iPhone and drowned in the sweet sound of the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack. There are so many cute things on tumblr. There are so many pretty people! Alkgpashgapskdfjasd I don't even know what to do. OH LOOK A CAT that's so cute. Awwwww Dean and Sam are so cute. Oh god it's a gif of Rose and 10. I can't deal with this. The feels. Homestuck. Okay. I need to take a break.

Temple Runnnn.

Needless to say, this went on until we got inside the BBC Radio 1 HQ.

"Wow, can you believe it, Atari?! I mean we actually get to meet the people that we listen to on the radio. Oh god. I'm fangirling. Sorry. But look! It's so pretty in here! Ahhhhh! ATARI THAT'S HIM HOLY CRAP." Micah was walking next to me, holding onto my arm for dear life. I was stealing glances at everything, keeping a straight face.

"Mhmm," I said half-heartily and sighed.

"Atari, come on. This is a great moment in your life! Where is your camera?! I thought you'd be excited," Micah said, looking over at me.

"I am."

"No, you're not!"

"Come on, let's go and see this silly little radio station."

"I hear someone doubting it's awesomeness!" Phil said.

"Is that even a word?"

"It doesn't matter, come on, let's go. You will be amazed."

And amazed I was. The studio was so modern, all these fancy buttons were everywhere, screens were up all over the place, some attached to fancy audio programs, others with social networking sites. I didn't know what to do. To be honest, I wanted to press every single one of the buttons just to see what they all did.

"Hey Jane," Dan said, waving at a girl running one of the boards, her hair was wavy and she had headphones hanging on her neck. She looked up and waved. I died just a bit. She was pretty, she had good skin, she had all of that. Maybe it was Jane that Dan meant to kiss instead of me.

"Dan! Phil! How are you this week?!" a man came booming up to us, shaking their hands. His blonde hair was poking up every which way, yet looked really professional.

"We are great, and yourself, Nick?" Dan said, a smile on his face.

"Excellent as always. And who are your friends?" Nick smiled at me and I hid my head.

"This is my girlfriend, Micah, and her roommate, Atari," Phil said, moving over to a place that we wouldn't interrupt whoever was on air.

"So I guess this is one of those cheesy friend for friend dating things?" Nick asked, flashing a smile.

"Oh, we aren't dating," I said distantly. I wanted us to be. But he kissed me and made me confused and then he just stopped talking to me. I wanted to crawl up into a ball. But I took out my phone and texted Ben.

"Really? Well, you wouldn't want to learn how to operate this piece of machinery would you, video game girl?" Nick asked, reaching out his hand for mine. I stole a glance at Dan who had his jaw set, but seemed otherwise uninterested. I put my hand in his as he lead me to the board.

I looked over at Dan who was talking to Jane, doing some sort of handshake that I thought was extremely stupid.

"Hey, Video Game Girl, get a load of this," Nick began explaining exactly what was what on the other side of the glass. It was actually really cool, and it kept my interest more than any iPhone game.

"Why are you calling me Video Game Girl?"

"Because you strike me as a video game girl, Atari."

"So I can call you Niall?"

"That is a low blow, don't tell me that you like 1D."

"I don't,"

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say. I know that you secretly love their songs."

"Shut up!" I giggled.

"You have a lovely smile. I would give anything to just be around that."

"Not everyone feels that way," I said, peeking up at Dan, getting ready for the show.

"Come on, sweetheart. I doubt that."

"It's true. Just ask Dan." I spun around so that I couldn't see him, even in my peripheral vision and leaned against the sound board.

Nick came in front of me and looked me in the eye. "Hey, don't be so down. It couldn't have been that bad."

"He kissed me." There was a long pause.

"And? That doesn't seem too bad."

"Well he obviously didn't mean it! I mean, so what if I ran away, he kissed me! Like full on kissed me! And then he ignored me and I don't know what to do. Like there's this whole thing about Micah and Phil and Dan and I and I just don't know how to react. Am I supposed to do something?! He's the one that kissed me. And look, I'm ranting to a person that I just met."

"Calm down, Video Game Girl. I've only been working with Dan for a while, but I can tell that he is a genuine guy when he's not being his sarcastic self. And there has been a definite change every show, but he leaves it behind for his fans. Then, the second that he can leave, it's noticeable that there's something bothering him. He thinks too much."

"So what do I do?"

"You watch his show, and participate in fan wars, and you talk to him. Okay, Video Game Girl?"

"Okay, Niall."

And through the entire show, I enjoyed every second of it. There were some terrible songs, but I powered through, exchanging glances with Micah and Phil. Dan, for some reason, wouldn't look at me. He kept waving at that Jane girl.

He kept laughing with that Jane girl.

All he could talk about on the way home was that Jane girl.

I think that he tweeted that Jane girl.

* * *

"Dan! Wait!" I called out as we were walking back to our flats. He was going so fast. When I caught up to him, he was standing in the elevator.

"What? Oh, so now you want to talk?" He seemed upset.

"Well I ju-"

"Just what, Atari? Just though that it would be cool to flirt with one of the guys that works on the station? Well it's not. Goodbye." Dan closed the door on the lift.

And my suspicions about Jane seemed to be cool, until Phil explained things.

"Atari, he doesn't know what to do. He's pretty much grade 7 when it comes to girls."

"Is that why he kept looking at that girl that he hardly knows?" Micah asked

"You mean Jane?" I said. Phil pressed the button for the lift as we stood and waited.

"Yeah, her. She's only been in the station for a couple shows," Phil informed us.

"Then why was he doing that?"

"God, Atari. He. Likes. You. Get yourself over this hurdle. Okay? There are so many more important things to worry about than this. You could be stressing about screwing him by now, but you keep looking at this little kiss," Micah said, her voice was very angry.

I blushed. But I couldn't possibly do anything about it.

"You know what Dan told me the other day?" Phil asked rhetorically. "We only accept the love that we think we deserve."

"That's from a book that you made me read," Micah pointed out.

"Yeah. But it's a valid point."


	34. A Light in the Room

I don't know what to do. I mean, do I just sit here? There's nothing to doooooo. Since the Sunday that I went with Micah to the radio station, I've finished the entire game that I was assigned. The game was just so addicting that i couldn't stop for 38 hours. When I did press the pause button, I realized that I was not Scott Pilgrim, nor any of the pixelated characters, and that I was starving, thirsty, and there were deep blue bags around my eyes. Also, Micah started to complain after the second morning of waking up to find me in the living room with the curtains drawn.

It's been four days since I've beat it and I think I'm dying.

Day One After Scott Pilgrim: I did nothing but sleep. And I dreamed that I was Ramona, inside of the game.

Day Two AFS: I typed up my report on the game. It was five pages long. Then I slept. For 18 hours straight.

Day Three AFS: Nothing. I sat there on my bed and realized that this was what my life has come to. It was deep and soul-searchy.

Day Four AFS: I realized that we didn't have any good food. And that Dan was super adorable, even in crappy liveshow webcams. Also, that I fell asleep in that bed that he was sitting on. Sigh.

Today I've been tidying up around my room by doing laundry. I don't know why Eve had to go bite that apple and decide to curse the world with clothing. It's cute all right, and down right protective and I understand that. But they take up so much space and I'd much rather just not have to deal with it at all. I felt cooped up and too safe among the abundance of clothing, dirty almost. It was nice to be out of it, I had room to breathe.

"Did you see what Dan just texted?" Micah asked, stepping into my room. "Whoa. You cleaned?"

"That's not important, just laundry. What did it say?"

"That some girl asked him out and he was super awkward."

"SEE. This is why I shouldn't even try! There's so much competition and from the lack of communication that I'm receiving, I can tell that he doesn't like me. I told you that it was the girl from the radio station!"

"IT'S NOT CAN'T YOU SEE THAT HE'S BEING STUPID.?"

"He's not stupid."

"But he's acting stupid. I honestly don't know what is up with him." We looked at each other and I lead her out of the room and into the living room."

"Anyways, enough about Dan, let's talk about anything else. How is the little pet shop of yours?"

"It's perfect. Have you met Angel? Yeah, I think you have a few times. She's the peaceful, down to earth one with the dreads..." Micah continued, letting me listen to what she had to say, something that I enjoyed doing. I really do like it when people tell me about themselves. It doesn't matter what, it can be about their day, what they did that they found amazing, what their hobbies are, etc. I like knowing about people, in a way, it makes me feel like they trust me. She's not bothering me with her rambling, I actually prefer to listen.

And it was nice. We get to this state where we just kind of look at each other with the ":D" emoticon on our faces, then hyperventilate a bit and laugh. And we mention things like the drive through guy at Taco Bell that we used to go to in high school, the stupid little inside jokes that we shared, and all of this random crap. And it made me want to say something significant.

I wasn't infinite, I wasn't a grenade, I wasn't rain, she wasn't a hurricane, we weren't insignificant, we didn't know what the afterlife was like, and we had our flaws. I didn't know what we were besides Atari and Micah.

"You're still my best friend, Atari," Micah said, looking at me right in the eyes. "I know that I've been hanging out with Phil a lot recently, and I sleep over at other friends' houses, but you're still my best friend. I love you."

"I love you too, Micah." I hit her with the throw pillow next to me.

"PUT YOU IN MY OVEN," she yelled and tackled me, hitting my nonstop. "YOU. KNOW. I. HATE. WHEN. YOU. DO. THAT. Ya little whore." I laughed.

"So why aren't you with Phil now?"

"He went to the movies with Dan and some friends of theirs. They got reserved seats."

"Oooo, fancy. Why didn't you go?"

"I'm not going to sit still for an entire movie."

"Yeah, you suck at that."

"So, hey, do you want to help me choose an outfit for tomorrow night? Phil and I are going out. He says that he wants to show me this music store that he found that's right next to this really peaceful store. I want incense, remember when we used to burn that stuff all the time in your room? And it was on that one book-"

"The poem one! It was called something about lights in houses-"

"A Light in the Attic!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah! The Shell Silverstein one with the worn down cover. I think I know where it is," I said, getting up off the couch and moving into one of the extra rooms that we used for storage. Inside of a dust-coated cardboard box, we found a few of our old memories.

We sat down and read the entire thing to each other in the living room. One page after another, we drowned in the sweet sounds of each other's voices and it was beautiful. I still didn't know what to call this feeling. It wasn't infinite, and it wasn't a grenade. It was the blanket that you would carry around when you were little, that doll that went through everything you did, from vacations to trips to the dentist. It was the fleeting moment of smoke, the beauty in it's floating movement, but the very short life that it has. I didn't know how to describe it, and I still have yet to. We were swimming in a perpetual something. And I was okay with that.

* * *

Dan

"Why am I coming with you to Micah's flat?" I asked Phil as he opened their door.

"I told you, she needs me to help move something and she told me to bring you along."

"Phil!" Micah greeted with a wide grin on her face. "Thank you for helping me. I... need to pull you aside for a second for some help on something. The furniture that we are moving is in Atari's room, Dan. Can you go look at it and tell me if I can move it through the door?" she asked suspiciously. I didn't really want to know, if we are being honest here.

"Uhh... sure?"

"Thanks, come on, Phil. We've got to go sort out that thing. We will be back in about ten seconds."

"Well I could just come wi-"

"NO. No, it's not necessary, we've got it all under control." She ushered me into Atari's room.

I walked farther into the small space, nothing was out of place as far as I could tell. "Micah, there's nothing in here!"

And then I heard Atari's voice on the other side of the door.

* * *

Atari

"Did I hear Dan in there?" I asked Micah from the hallway. She was smiling and holding one of Phil's hands in hers.

"Nope. Hey, I put your laundry in your room for you, but I didn't actually put it away."

"Okay, I can get it later," I said, moving back into the lounge.

"No! You might want to get it now. We have to use the living room, if you don't mind."

I looked at them with one eyebrow raised. "Umm okay? Why?"

"Well-"

"Never mind, I actually don't even want to know. You guys have fun." I had shit to check up on my laptop anyways. I needed a new assigned game pretty soon, seeing as Scott Pilgrim is finished... sigh.

I walked into my room like always, opening the half closed door and closing it behind me. I flicked on the light and found a body instead of clothes. I let out a bit of a shriek. "DAN?!"

"I'll just be out, then,"

"What were you doing?!"

"Well Micah told me that I should move some sort of furniture that was in here."

"Why!? There's no furniture. She told me there was laundry and that she needed the stupid lounge."

"Well she obviously didn't. I need to see what's going on."

"Yeah, you really do. God."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Whatever, Atari. I'm done with this. Bye," he said as he went to turn the knob. And nothing happened. He tried again. It was stuck. "Phil, Micah, let me out."

"No. We aren't letting you out until you both work this thing out," Phil's voice was muffled behind the wood.

"What?! Wait, can we use the bathroom? Is there food?"

"We left food inside of the room on your dresser. You better work this out because we aren't letting you out at all."

"Dude, what if I have to pee?"

"Well then I'd start talking about this, if I were you. We are going to be listening to make sure that you guys actually figure this out."

"That's bullshit, Micah," I said, glaring at the door.

"Nope. Now have fun, you two."

Dan stared at me, and I avoided his gaze. This was going to be interesting.


	35. Heartthrob

I just didn't want him to yell at me. That was all. So I stuck my headphones into my iPod and turned up the volume, keeping only one bud in. The air felt thin and I wanted to be able to keep one of my senses. Though my room was always a safe place for me, I felt uncomfortable and claustrophobic with Dan in it with me. He was standing there as I took a seat on the bed.

He was just looking at me. There was this constant stare and a furrow between his eyebrows. I didn't know how to respond to him, so I just put the other ear bud in and avoided his gaze.

"You're honestly going to listen to music?" He asked incredulously. I could barely hear him, so I pretended as though I didn't notice. My nails were suddenly very interesting.

"Come on, Atari," he said, pulling out the headphones from my ears.

"What?! I'm just trying to listen to music, okay?"

"No! Not okay! You need to talk to me eventually."

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to tell him that I couldn't tell him, that I couldn't let him know, that I didn't want to. I don't want him to reject me and I don't want him to banish me from his brain. All I wanted was a hug from my best friend and a good cup of tea. There were holes being burnt into my hair from his constant eye on me. Flight was kicking in as I was avoiding confrontation. So I let him talk at me.

"Atari, what is up?! I mean why aren't you even saying one word? No. You don't get to listen to your music. I'm taking that away because I want to know what is going on and I bet that you do too." He took my iPod from my touch and I flinched away from him, scooting farther away on the bed, keeping my head down. Dan sighed. "Please talk to me. What is it that you want? Do you want me to leave? Cause I can take a hint. The sooner you tell me what you feel, the sooner that I will be out of your sight. Is that what you want? I'm sorry that I kissed you."

My vision got blurry. He doesn't get it! I want him to like me back. I want him to forget that girl at the radio station and I want him to hug me. I want to have a cool handshake with him and cuddle and watch stupid movies together. I didn't want anyone else in my spot. A tear fell down my cheekbone and dripped into my lap.

"Oh shit, Atari, did I make you cry? God I'm terrible. Fuck. Okay wait here, I'll find tissues. I don't want you to be sad. Is it because I'm in the same room as you? I didn't think that you hated me that much." He smiled as he handed me my box of Kleenex. He lowered his voice, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I knew that you were too good for me and I'm sorry. Okay? Just please don't be sad. Please don't cry. Do you hate me? God you do hate me."

"Shut up," I mumbled into the tissue.

"What? Did you say something?"

"SHUT. UP." He widened his eyes.

"Atari I-"

"I said shut up! God, Dan. You don't get it! I'm so upset and I don't even know what's happening. I'm crying but I'm so mad at you and all I want is a hug but I'm not going to get it until I finish talking to you. I don't hate you so shut up about that. I want my iPod back."

"Is that it?"

I nodded.

"That's all you're going to say to me?"

I nodded.

"I don't know what to do with you. Atari. I. Like. You." I looked up at him, his wide brown eyes staring straight back at mine. "I like you so much. I like you more than Muse, more than Guitar Hero, more than- okay as much as chocolate. So please just tell me how you feel so that we can be done."

"I said I don't hate you."

"See?! I got you to talk. Now come on, that's a good start. I can tell you don't hate me from the way you kissed me." I blushed and hid my face. My hands found a pillow and squeezed it against my chest. It was funny how physically close you could be to something, yet feel so far away.

"I don't hate you."

"I know, Atari. We just went through that. Why are you mad?"

"Cause."

"That's not a good enough answer."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"Atari! It's not!"

"Dan! It is!"

"You make me want to pull my fucking hair out. I don't know what to do! You frustrate me in so many ways and I didn't even know that was possible." And all I wanted to do was ask him what kinds of ways. Is that bad? "I mean I don't know what to do! And you're just sitting there looking fucking adorable and I don't want to fight. Do you?"

I shook my head.

"Good. Now we need to lay down the details. What is the verdict?"

"I don't hate you."

"I know, but is that it? Do you still dislike me? Because the sooner you tell me then the sooner I'm out of here." I didn't say anything, just kept looking at him on his knees by my bedside. "Is that a yes? Because that's all the confirmation I need, Micah-" he started to turn around.

"I don't dislike you."

"What?" He looked at me again.

"I don't dislike you."

"So what does that me-" I reached over and hugged him. He froze for a second before wrapping his arms around me. It was awkward because I was sat on the bed and he was kneeling on the carpet, and he wasn't close enough.

"Sorry," I whispered into his t-shirt.

"It's oka-"

"No it's not. I just don't want you to hate me."

"Atari, look at me." I did as he told. "I could never hate you. Not to be that cheesy douche, but you are perfect in every single way. And I never want you to forget that because I have never had someone invade my mind like you have been." I blushed.

"You don't care if I'm not pretty?"

"Not pretty?! You're fucking gorgeous. Okay? Never say that you're ugly again because I don't like girls who lie. What will it take to convince you?"

"Nothing. I just thought that I wasn't good enough because you were into that radio girl."

"And I thought you were flirting with the behind the scenes guy. I don't want you to do that with anyone other than me."

"Who says I flirt with you?" Dan chuckled.

"So how do you feel about me?"

And I kissed him.


	36. This is the 36th Chapter

No. This wasn't one of those kisses that end up being perfect in every single way. My foot didn't pop. I wasn't his Buttercup, he wasn't Spiderman, and this wasn't the hallways of East High. Dan was on his knees next to my bed and I was sitting on the side.

This was just a quick kiss, nothing over the top. I just pecked him on the lips and that was it.

"Okay, so what was that?"

"Will you please shut up?"

"Not until you tell me exactly what you're thinking." Dan's brown eyes made me forget a bit of my sanity.

"No! Why should I?"

"Atari, you just kissed me."

"So?"

"And I haven't kissed anyone in about a year or so."

"So?"

"And I'm a male. Please explain."

"It was nothing."

"Come on, yeah right."

"It was!"

"So if I were to kiss you right now, you wouldn't freak out? We could just leave and call it nothing? It will eat away at us, and you know that!"

"There's nothing to say, Dan!"

"There obviously is, Atari!"

"Well how do I know that I can trust you?"

"Atari! You don't get it! God! I want to know what you feel about me!"

"It shouldn't care what other people feel about you," I shot back at him.

"Atari. I like you."

"And I don't hate you."

"Or dislike me."

"Or dislike you."

"But Atari, I like you as more than a friend. I like you as more than a fuck buddy or whatever. And I like you more than a lot of other things. Okay? I want to be your boyfriend." We shut up for a moment and I avoided his gaze.

"Ilikeyou," I mumbled, looking at my hands. I really needed to stop biting my nails.

"What?" Dan asked, tilting my head up.

"I like you. A bunch." His eyes lit up when I said that and a smile came across his face. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there.

"How much?" he badgered me.

"Enough."

"Come on, we both know you can say it better than that."

"I can't though! I don't know what to say."

"Do you like me more than you liked Ben?"

"Yes."

"Do you like me like a friend?"

"Yes."

"Do you like me more than a friend?"

"Yes."

"That's all that you are going to say?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know what to say. I can't tell you what I'm feeling because I don't want you to think differently of me."

"Atari, that's not possible. I want to hear what you want to say. And I want to know why you felt that you couldn't tell me earlier."

He sat down next to me on the bed and faced me. I opened my mind, "I thought that you liked this other really cool, magnificent girl. Like when i was with you in your bed that one day and you told me about that girl who had pretty eyes and a great personality. And there were no boys that liked me, so I didn't know who you were talking about. And when I saw that girl at the radio station, I figured that she was the one that you were talking to. And I liked-"

"Liked?"

"Like." He nodded and smiled but kept his eyes on me. "you a lot and it's this weird feeling, like I want to be around you. And I didn't want to fight. I wanted to stay next to you and keep talking to you. When you were mad at me for being fake or something, I was extremely upset. I didn't think that you would be mad at me that immediately. And then I woke up next to you for the second time and everything just seemed... perfect. I liked you even when you were drunk. And I think that you're super fucking cute and attractive and all this other crap."

"You find me attractive?"

"Well who doesn't'? Aren't you like sexiest bloke of 2012 or something?"

"Shut up." I laughed at him. "Will you let me try something?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Okay," he mumbled and his brown eyes gleamed.

You know when you get those instincts that you can't explain? Like a feeling just comes over you to go and do something that you don't do very often? Well that was an instinctive moment right there. Dan leaned in and I leaned in and we met in the middle. And I can't describe it to you, because it was so personal. It was Dan and myself, and us, and that was it. We were just moving together like synchronized dancing, and we had it figured all out. It was like a movie, and I expected some sort of music to be playing in the background. All we got were a small chorus of "awwww" when Micah and Phil opened the door, and Dan's beautiful eyes when we were finished.


	37. Playlist

"It is really nice to be able to sit down, you know? I mean, I love Phil, don't get me wrong. It's just that I can look like a slob and let my food baby settle." Micah was sprawled out on the couch.

"Speak for yourself." My tea was just the right temperature, sliding down my throat and making me sleepy so I didn't have to face the rest of this damn day. Dan was in wherever he was in the states and I was here. It just doesn't seem right. I got that gross feeling in the pit of my stomach when he left and I didn't get to say goodbye. The quite was nice in my apartment and Spyro the Dragon was my next assignment, something I easily excelled at.

"Come on, it has to be nice to get some down time."

"I have had too much downtime and too much drama. I want something in between. I just want to be stupid with someone."

"Well then let's be stupid today. I have some rum left over that would go great with some grenadine and diet coke." Micah smiled from her spot on the sofa. I grinned back and agreed. Usually when she's drunk and I'm drunk and even Soup is drunk, Micah will rub my feet and paint my nails. That sounds like heaven to me.

* * *

Dan's POV

I love all of my fans, I just didn't know there were so many of them. A young teenage girl came up to me with a My Chemical Romance t-shirt and black pants. Each of these people were unique in some way, and the t-shirt made me think back to my younger years when they got me jump started into good music. The heart guts were pulled at their break up.

She was short and a bit stout but adorable none the less. "Hello, love, how are you?"

"Eh, you know. Staying strong." She shrugged and gave a sad smile.

"I see their breakup effected you too, huh?"

"Yeah. But your videos help ease the pain."

"It's always nice to have someone to laugh at in times of need. Now do you want me to sign anything? Cause we can certainly do that." Phil was over talking to the last person that just came up to me, engaged in conversation.

"Yeah, could you sign this? It's not much, just a drawing. I have a copy of it for you and Phil. I can't let go of any of my originals, I'm sorry." She handed me over a large piece of paper with a still shot of Phil and myself. I almost mistook it for a photograph and I immediately thought of Micah.

"This is amazing. I'm impressed. Here, I'll draw you." I drew her short pixie cut hair and her face with a big smile on it. She had stick arms and legs and a MCR shirt on. It sucked.

The girl laughed. "I love it! Here, I also wrote you guys a letter. A lot of crappy things have been happening in my life and I just wanted to thank you for all that you've done. I enjoy being able to laugh at least once a week, even if it's at someone else on the internet." All while she was speaking, I could just barely make out a multitude of scars on the very top of her arm, old, yet very thick. And then I thought of Atari. So I wrote "Stay strong," on her card.

"I enjoy other people laughing at me. No, that didn't come out right. Stay strong, love. And please stop, for me." I am not a sentimental guy at all, yet it seemed necessary that I told her this. She blushed. "What's your name?"

"Mary."

"Did you write that on the letter?"

"Yes, and my tumblr url, just in case."

I grinned. "Thank you, I will read it and respond." She nodded and took the paper I wrote on, ready to move on to Phil. "Wait! We didn't even take a picture together!" And so we did, on both of our phones.

When I sat down, I was satisfied, and felt good that a simple (though long to make) video could brighten someone's day.

* * *

Phil, Cat, and I all went back to the hotel room, ready to scarf down all the American foods! We got some fucking Taco Bell and Toaster Strudels No, we did not plan on eating them together. Ah, the American way to eat.

"I've never heard so many American accents in one place," Phil commented.

"That's because it's America, Phil."

"I know! But they were all talking to me!" Cat laughed at him and stuck part of the "Doritos Locos Tacos" in her mouth. They were strangely the best things in the world, though I'm pretty sure that's not Spanish...

"I don't want anyone else to tell me that I'm tall."

"Good luck, mate. When Atari gets back, she's going to forget that you are a good foot taller than her and tell you that."

"Shut up."

"Who's Atari?"

"He hasn't told you about her? Wow."

"Who hasn't he told me about?"

"His girfri-"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"His almost girlfriend."

"It's about time. I was wondering when you'd snatch one of your fans. They are very cute, you know."

"You only say that because they are your subscribers as well."

"It's true. But no, seriously. Where is she from? Argentina? India? Do you go on Skype dates? Did she move to London for you?"

"She didn't know him from the internet."

"So you went outside?"

"Well, yeah. I was bringing home groceries and I was on the subway, so I saw her and she went with me and we walked home to the apartment building and we became friends. Nothing that big."

"It was so much more interesting than that! She was crying because her boyfriend broke up with her so he went and talked to her on the underground."

"How do you know?"

"My girlfriend told me. She's best friends with Atari."

"The game system?"

"No. That's her name; Atari."

"Atari and Dan. Cute. Do I get to see a picture of her?"

"No," I responded immediately.

"Why?"

"I don't have any pictures of her."

"It's called Facebook, stink brain!"

"Stink brain? Really, Cat?"

"You haven't seen Wreck it Ralf? You are missing out." She smiled. These other YouTubers were my family and friends, people that I could trust, but I needed some time away from them. "Wait, it just came out on DVD, let me show you it. I think that you'll like it."

"We can do that while we look up Atari. Here, I have my laptop," Phil offered. "And you should see Micah, Atari's best friend. She is so beautiful." And on they went about the traits of the two girls. Up until then, I hadn't realized how many different pictures she had. Facebook annoys the hell out of me, all these stupid, arrogant people congregating on one social site to share their unimportant feelings about unimportant drama. All they post is "he said, she said" bullshit and it pisses me off. I don't want to have to deal with stupid old "friends" that I never talked to.

And I missed her. I couldn't wait the two more days of meeting endless fans and my throat feeling even more sore. The photos of her on her Facebook wall were heartbreakingly gorgeous. Cat thought that she was pretty and outgoing, from the amount of weird faces and people that she's with.

"She must play a lot of video games," Cat commented, seeing one with Atari sitting on her couch, her hair in a mess, a giant t-shirt on, with a Play Station controller in her hands. She was next to some guy with long, dark brown hair and a Pierce the Veil shirt. It was tagged with someone named Josh, only a year ago. She doesn't know how great she is.

"She does."

"That is so cute. Look at her! I am so jealous of the people that can look like that, all scrubby and messy, yet so adorable. I can't stand it. And it's cool because in a bunch of these pictures, she's not even trying! See, look at that one. She doesn't even stress about looking gross. Who took that?"

"Probably Micah, but it doesn't look like their apartment."

"It says some guy named Ben."

"That's her ex," Phil said.

"He's cute."

"He's a dick and I hate him. I can't believe that someone would treat a girl like that, especially a girl that amazing."

"What did he do?"

"He made her cry."

"Doesn't look like he made her cry in this picture." She had clicked on a photo of the two of them locking lips. Her eyes were closed, covered in eye shadow and mascara, her hair pin straight with Ben's fingers in it. He had douchey hair, the top flipping up. I hated him even more. Why is it that such terrible guys get such amazing girls?

"I bet there are going to be pictures of her with you pretty soon," Phil suggested.

"No."

"Wait- have the danosaurs been alerted of this girl?"

"Well I hinted during a live stream that her name was Atari, but I didn't say that we were dating or anything."

"And the world hasn't blown up? I know that there's that video of yours that's up with a girl that looks like her on it. Wait! That's her?!"

"Yeah."

"Wow. She's amazing. I can tell why you like her, Dan." She smiled at me. "Don't worry, I know that she likes you too. I mean, who wouldn't? Set aside your ego and your subscribers, then you're a great guy." We chuckled and went back to the movie, reminding me of Atari constantly. I vaguely remember her saying something about her brother, Felix. I get how they got that name for him. Better than naming him Game Boy.


	38. Don't Get Excited, This Is Just A Quicky

No, this is not some sort of erotic role play thing or whatever you want to happen with Dan and Atari. This is a bit of an author's note, if you please.

You, as a group of leaders- leaders? no, readers. (Madi knows how to type!), anywho. You, as readers, have 2 options. I could add about 3 more chapters to this story and then end it there. Bam. That's it for the story of Dan and Atari. No sequels or little one shots. Nothing. Done. Add in a sappy ending and no more story.

or.

I could make another story. NO IT IS NOT A SEQUEL CAUSE I FUCKING HATE THOSE. It's just another story, totally different plot line, same characters. So like a fanfiction of a fanfiction. Get it? :D It would be the continuation of this story. And it would be called either One Up, Level Unlocked, or you guys could make up a name for it.

Here's the idea: When you play a game, you first go through the bits of "training" where you develop your skill with the new controls and the way the graphics move. That is what Press Start to Begin would be like, the intro to the rest of their lives. Because it's never torture and then just shits and giggles from then on out. The story goes on, and there are new boss monsters to fight. This was just the beginning of their story.

And I want to keep writing.

So how about it?! Just end it all or keep going?

Press pause and never come back to see the end and the glorious battles yet to come

or

Keep going?

(fuck yeah, I could totes be a president look how good i spell thins out guis this is genius keep it cuz ima be prezident or quen or sumthin faq ya)


	39. Srs Bsns

AN I HAD THE BEST FUCKING 1000 WORDS THAT IVE EVER FUCKING WRITTEN THEN MY COMPUTER WAS BEIN A DICK SO I COPIED IT AND CLOSED THE WINDOW AND THEN I HAD TO SHUT OFF MY COMPUTER AND THE COPY THING WOULDN'T FUCKING PASTE SO IM STUCK WITH THIS PIECE OF SHIT CALLED WRITING HERE YOU GO MOTHERFUCKERS HAPPY GODDAMNED EASTER TO YOU ALL. I HATE LIFE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING I SWEAR IT'S CAUSE I'M A GINGER HELP.

guis there was a new dr who did u watch it i did it was great now thats the name of my wifi maybe thats why its not working if i dont update in 2 weeks call the cops.

**_THIS IS IMPORTANT AS YOU CAN TELL FROM BOLD CAPS AND ITALICS AND THAT FUCKING UNDERLINE SHIT YEAH BITCH THIS IS THE 2ND TO LAST CHAPTER HELP ME COME UP WITH NAMES FOR THE NEXT STORY OK GOOD _**

Dan's POV

Phil wasn't with me and it was the weirdest feeling in the world. I was in the radio studio, and Chris was next to me. I don't like human interaction in normal situations, so when it's live for the entire internet to hear, then I get extremely awkward. I didn't know how to handle any of this. Chris isn't even next to me in order to fill the void where Phil should be standing.

My best friend isn't here with me to experience another radio show. They wouldn't let me use another friend because of the lack of experience and such. I was surprised because I came in here with very little training and I'm still here. What is this? I'd love to have Atari on here with me. She would understand the internet. But I shouldn't complain so much, Chris is really enjoyably deprived from the rest of the world, making him less of a twat.

From the amount of time that I have spent on the computer, I grew used to only associating with people that were fluent in the internet language. Since my job revolves around the people sitting in front of their screens, I waste my time doing the same as them. Let's just call it "getting to know my demographic," shall we? Sure. But Chris knew little to nothing about any of this.

Let me outline why this felt weird:

- There was nobody next to me

- Chris no speaky interweb talk

- Half of the television screen was covered. His was almost blank.

- People were hating on Chris

- I was used to having Phil here

- It's not the same (see: Chris' shirt)

- He doesn't get my humour as much as Phil does

- I don't know if I'm being funny or really strange

As you can tell, there are many downsides to being here. But there are good things, too. This is broadening my horizons in terms of people that I will have to associate with on a daily basis sometime in my life. I am making real life friends. I mean, Chris doesn't even know about my internet history (thank God). He is kind of quiet and catches on quickly. And he sometimes laughs at me. So that's good, right?

I miss Phil, and I'm sure that the listeners could tell. I couldn't go one song without mentioning my best friend. I liked how he would laugh with me and make other jokes about the waves and current of the internet. Myself, along with the majority of my friends, were Olympic divers when it came to the depths of the wi-fi infected world. Chris was just beginning to tread water. Even Atari would know what I was talking about.

But he's no Phil. It has been one and a half hours of awkward. I don't mean "cute" awkward, I mean "so weird and uncomfortable that I don't know what to do and I can taste the tension and awkward as well as that itchy crawly sensation that you get when you are away from your laptop for too long" awkward. It was maladroit feeling of awareness. However, somehow, we broke the rigidity of the air.

We managed to print off some (bad) artwork from the internet that people sent in via twitter. A girl with the twitter name OfMiceandMadi sent in a very oddly drawn picture of Chris made on paint. I appreciated it because it was extremely ironic for my sense of humour. Around him were little words written in comic sans, mispelt incredibly. He didn't like it as much as me, however.

And I think that I was overly strange this week. I messed up when I was trying to play a song and said "I did a Phil." That apparently deserved to be quoted all over tumblr. Along with Chris not knowing what shipping is. We were being shipped! What is wrong with the world?! The amount of anonymous people hating on Chris got on my nerves. Just because he isn't Phil doesn't mean that you get to bash him as much as you want. That's not the way that the world goes and people need to know that. I bet they like Taylor Swift.

I was still swimming in a perpetual something.

During one of the last few songs, I decided to text Atari. It was a fan video, so it didn't really matter. "This is so awkward," I sent.

A minute or so later she responded, "Yeah? I bet you just aren't man enough to do the show with someone else. Has phil's replacement been okay?"

"Yeah, pretty ok. He doesn't know anything about the internet and Girls Aloud won fan wars."

"WHY NOT MCR THOSE BITCHES."

"Long story. I gotta go."

"Watever loser (;"

That girl. I don't get how she makes me feel this way. God but I love her anyways.

Wait. What? No. I don't love her because I can't love her because I've only known her for a little while. So I guess I just like her so much that I can't put it into words. She makes me want to tear my hair out but then make her pull on it. I want to punch her lips with my lips. I want to scream at the top of my lungs at her about how beautiful and intelligent she is. I want to make her scream my name. I want to never talk to her again and yet go late into the night with conversations. I want to beat her in whatever video game that I choose, but also let her win in anything she wants. I want to cuddle with her, but I also want to be in lust with her. I want to be friends but I want so much more. I want. I need. And this is bad.

I can picture her and I watching the new episodes of Doctor Who. I can see her showing me some indie record store when we feel like going out of the flats. I can picture her helping me edit a video. I can picture her editing my video when I've gone 24 hours without sleep. I can picture me showing her something hilarious on the internet at 3 am. I can picture us getting in a fight but making up right away. I can picture her body rough against mine. I can picture waking up to the smell of her shampoo and her bare shoulder. I can picture us sitting across from each other on the computer. And it feels good.

My thoughts spun past me in a flurry, quickly and suddenly. They made me hesitate before pressing buttons and speaking into a microphone.

And I was floating, instead of swimming, on a perpetual something with a crowd of beautiful people.

* * *

Atari

"I'VE LIKED YOU FOR A THOUSAND YEARS, A THOUSAND YEARS," I sang into an invisible microphone in my fist. It was a Plum Tree kind of day, despite the fact that it was Easter night. I had 4 giant chocolate eggs and could barely make it halfway through one and a box of peeps before my stomach demanded fruits and veggies. I loved Easter, but it felt weird to be alone, consuming my weight in candy.

Micah was in Iowa with her family. Her dad surprised her with a mailed Easter basket and a both way plane ticket. She left two days agao, packed with everything under the sun and last minuet gifts for her father. She was coming back later today, just got on the plane from the text she sent me. I love her and her dad. They were a great broken family and I loved them. My family is starting to break as well and nothing seems as it used to.

On Easter, my family used to wake up early to attend the 7:00 mass at a different church every year. It was the only time we attended. I would wear a dress and tights and little Mary Jane's with a bow in my hair and Mummy would put blush on my cheeks that made me look young. I would colour in colouring books on the pew and stay quiet so that Daddy could listen for once. And we would go home to the rest of the neighborhood, brimming with light and happiness and colour like the pictures that I drew. And Oliver and the other kids would come over into our joined backyards and the kids would play and the adults would chat. I would get mud all over my dress, holes in my tights, bruises and scratches on my knees, and a million eggs. Inside the little shells of plastic there would be a couple jelly beans or star burst or skittles and Mummy would give me a big chocolate rabbit. The boys always gave me the candy that they didn't like and I would play with them instead of the girls until Micah came over with her mum and dad. We would look for our Easter baskets with little things inside of them like cheap nail polish and Pokemon cards. And we would all stand together and take pictures. And I would smile. And we were all happy.

Then things started to change. We stopped going to church. I outgrew wearing dresses. I slept in past breakfast. I never wore tights. I wore too much make up. The neighborhood was looking older as the neighbors stopped coming over, stuck in nursing homes and letting their houses rot. Father wouldn't listen anymore and Grandma lived with us. Oliver had to go visit his bitter, widowed grandmother in Wisconsin. My parents stopped hiding eggs for me, only my brother. Micah couldn't come over because her mum left her dad. I would get an old basket filled with things like CD's and movies because my parents knew that I wouldn't eat candy because it would make me fat. I wouldn't take pictures. But I still smiled and I was still sort of happy.

Now it's so different. They wait to give me Easter until the holiday season with Christmas, saving everything. And that's perfectly okay with me. But I am a little homesick over this period of time. Felix is over with Grandma and Mum and Father and Link. He still gets Easter baskets, filled to the brim now that I'm gone. I'm okay with that. I got my own chocolate and my own candy. I Skyped with Felix and he showed me what he got. My parents said hi and Grandma gave me a virtual kiss.

And it was great. I was happy, singing to myself with the curtains open, blue-dyed hard-boiled eggs with the Tardis drawn in white crayon, and chocolate on the table. And I was happy.

* * *

"Atari, so let me tell you this really funny video. You will laugh so hard I'm not ev-"

"Dan?!" I was standing in my kitchen in just my panties and a black Nirvana muscle tee. Let's just say Orphan Black has inspired my lifestyle by her little outfits and her gay friend's flat.

"Yeah?"

"Dan. I don't have pants on."

"I don't care! I have to show you something."

"Dan. I. don't. have. pants. on. Like I'm standing in my kitchen in my panties you can't come in. Didn't Phil teach you to knock?!" I asked in disbelief. He came through the hallway.

"Yes of course, but no, you have got to see this it made me laugh for about 5 minuets straight."

"Couldn't you have just sent me the link?"

"No. You don't understand. Watch this. It's so stupid!" He walked over to me, his eyes on his laptop. I didn't know what to do. I adjusted my shirt so it fell a little lower, but it wouldn't go all the way past my panties. He set it on the breakfast bar and pressed play on the YouTube video. It was some news video about hail. Then this black woman came up and started talking in the greatest voice that I have ever heard in my life. So I smiled and chuckled lightly. It was pretty funny, not going to lie.

But when you have Dan Howell half a foot away from you.

And you're wearing a t-shirt and panties.

And his brown eyes are watching you.

And his hand is at his side, dangerously close to your ass.

You can't quite think straight.

So I took a step in the opposite direction as him and ran a hand through my hair, laughing shakily. "Pretty funny, Dan."

"Right?! It's gold. This will be the next Sweet Brown." His smile was wide and I could see his dimples. So fucking cute. He took a step closer to me, still animated about this video.

"Where did you find it?" I leaned up against the counter, trying a different approach to get out of this situation.

"On tumblr. Okay, did you listen to the radio show?"

"No. Was I supposed to? I was on Skype."

"No, it's all good. But there was a guy filling in for Phil."

"Chris, right?"

"Yeah! And it was so awkward. He didn't know very much about the internet and he wasn't right next to me like Phil usually is. But God, I have had so many jelly beans and sugar today. I hate how you can just walk around London and find all of these pictures of candy in the windows. Wow. So hyper. I didn't get an egg this year, did you?"

"Yeah, I got myself 4 because I'm fat."

"Holy shit, woman." I smiled at him. "I wouldn't be able to steal part of one, would I?"

"Of course! I could barely finish one. My mum sent me peeps, so I've been stuffing my face with those. I need vegetables or something." I led him to the lounge and went to the table to get him one. When I turned around, I realized once again that I didn't have pants on. And that his eyes were not necessarily on my eyes until I cleared my throat. He blushed a bit on his neck and avoided my gaze.

"L-looks like you- uh- d-decorated," he stuttered. I laughed at him. I knew that he was talking about the amount of blue and Doctor Who themed stuff laying among the living area. I had the Tardis fairy lights up around the telly, a mini Tardis sculpture on the table, the action figures of all the doctors on Micah's little sitting ledge, a Dalek on the X-Box, a Tardis beach towel covering the couch, a sonic screw driver next to the remote control, the different doctor traveling mugs all on the table, the K-9 bobble head next to the doctors, Tardis coasters, a Tardis plush that made noises and lit up, a Tardis duvet cover, a Tardis night light, and a Tardis lamp shade. This was Micah and myself's shared collection of Doctor Who that we've had since 2005. And it was beautiful.

"Well duh! Doctor Who is back! Did you see the new episode?"

"N-No, I was too busy. Was it any good?"

"Oh my god. Okay, we have to watch it right now. It's on my DVR hold on I'll find it. Sit down. I'll make us tea and then I'll find it and you can watch the beginning cause I've already watched it four times." I ran to go make a quick pot of tea in my Tardis tea pot, letting it boil and steep while I found the episode. Dan was sitting shocked, yet comfortable, on the sofa while I ran back to grab the herbal concoction.

"It's Earl Grey," I said as I came out with the teapot and two Doctor Who mugs.

"You have mugs too?!" He asked incredulously.

"Well duh! Look, this one is the painting of the Tardis exploding and this one is a lidded Tardis mug. I get this one because it's my favourite. Did you know they had a BBC shop?"

"Yes I did."

"Isn't it the greatest?!" I was so ecstatic. DOCTOR WHO OH MY GOD. It was such a beautiful occasion. And I had to stay quiet the entire time. I can focus.

"Sure. Oh, this is actually good for not having been heated for very long."

"Well I had to rush it now shut up it's time to watch the telly."

And that we did. All through the show, I was inching closer to Dan, not caring anymore if I didn't have pants on. I mean, first off, I hate pants. Second, he said he wants to be my boyfriend. So is he? Third, he was so fucking focused on this show. I had to pause it a few times.

**_(Spoiler Alert!)_**

"Okay, do you see that?! That code, on the Wi-Fi? That's my Wi-Fi. I'm waiting for the other flats to start asking where they are. It's great. Look, see, on the computer screen here. It's great, right?! I'm so proud."

"Did you hear that?! She said she asked the girl in the shop! Do you remember the last episode that Rose was in? She said that she was back to working in the shop. Get it?! That could be her! The shop worker! She said that it was the best help line around, right?! Well who else would know that phone number that works in a shop?! That's right, bitch, it's Rose."

"DID YOU SEE THAT OH MY GOD."

Etc, etc.

* * *

_**GUIS ALERT. OK I KNOW THAT ORPHAN BLACK IS ONLY ON BBC AMERICA BUT LET'S PRETEND SHALL WE OK GOOD. THANK YOU.**_

After it ended, I wanted to show him Orphan Black.

"It's this thriller show on BBC America. Here, I recorded it too. Want to watch? Good. It's actually really intense and amazing. I liked it, but I don't know if you will."

"What's it about?"

"You'll see!"

So we watched the show, pausing during confusing parts to make me explain to him exactly what was happening. But it didn't bother me, I liked explaining to him what was going on. And it was just simple things. Dan asked me what her name was, if her friend was gay, if she was a mother, how old her kid was, and if he was understanding correctly.

He told me that my hair looked a bit like hers, only without the shaven part. I thanked him and we went on.

He was understanding and had a great grip on the show. We were sitting next to each other, his leg against my thigh, the rest of my legs were beneath me and I was leaning on Dan. It was so comfortable. I could sleep, but I was way too alert. These weren't the most covering panties that I owned.

Here are the characters: Sarah- the girl that found her doppleganger kill herself. Beth- the girl that killed herself. Felix- Sarah's best friend. Also gay. Paul- Beth's boyfriend.

It was all going swimmingly until we got to the part where Sara is home alone, just out of the shower in a Clash t-shirt and lace underwear when Paul comes in. He's asking her about some hearing in court and she's backing away. I knew this part and hid my blush from his gaze. I started fiddling with one of the Tardis' when Sarah threw her arms around Paul and started kissing him.

"So do you want more tea?" I asked, seeing the diminishing amount in the pot. Without an answer, I went off to make more, taking the tea pot with me. I don't care that I left him alone to watch the telly characters begin to sleep with each other. It was all good. He was a big boy who could handle himself.

I set the pot to boil and took extra time to make sure there was just the right amount of sugar and cream in it to not take away from the taste before I went back to him. I set down the tea and avoided the espresso brown eyes that were digging holes into my messy hair. I poured tea into his mug and into mine, the perfect amount before I curled my legs under myself again and leaned into him, like last time. Only he wouldn't stop looking at me.

"What?" I asked him casually.

"What are we?"

"What do you mean?" I sipped my tea and continued looking at the television, trying to pay attention to the characters on the screen, made of little dots.

He picked up the remote and paused the television. He led a hand to my face and turned it to face him.

"What are we, Atari?" His big brown eyes sparkled.

"Why? Can't we just be this? This is nice..."

"Because I'm not going to kiss you right now if we aren't together. We've done enough of that."

"Well that doesn't make the experience any better," I lied.

"You know it does. What do you want us to be?"

"I want us to be us."

"I want to kiss you."

"And I want you to kiss me."

"Then I have something for you. Let me go get it, I'll be back in about 20, okay? Don't go anywhere." He ran out of my flat and I took the time to watch the rest of the program. Why not, right? But I couldn't focus on anything that Sarah was saying or what was happening. Someone was shot. There's another one of her. There was a cremation. Something else happened. I drank the rest of the tea. I went to pee. I thought about Dan. I thought about Dan some more. I went on tumblr on my phone.

Then he showed up. With a pizza. "Why?"

"Because I was hungry, okay?"

"Well why was that nec-"

"Just eat, Atari." I rolled my eyes but did as he suggested. I opened the box to see something written in his handwriting on the back of the top of the box. "I know this is cheezy, but will you go out with me?"

I laughed, a smile spread across my mouth and I just kept laughing. "Yes. I will."

"Good. Then put down the pizza."

"Why?"

"We can get to that in a little." I set it down without even taking a bite and Dan kissed me. It wasn't like the other two that we've shared. This was more like a build up of tension was breaking. I could touch him and he could touch me. It was better than anything that I've ever done with anyone else. And I've done a lot.

His mouth opened mine up as we sat facing each other on the couch. The only light was the television, the lamps, and the fairy lights, giving a Tardis-blue glow to the room. I slid my tongue inside his mouth and fought with his. I pulled back a bit to take a breath, leaving an inch between our lips. I fluttered my eyes open to see his were closed, his forehead against mine. I went forward with my mouth, hesitated, then licked his tongue and upper lip twice before actually kissing him hard.

"Kiss" was too... gentle of a word for what we were doing. It was months that we've both wanted this building up inside of us. We finally let it free. He set his hands on my hips, one on my skin, the other on my t-shirt. I pulled away and pushed him lightly on the couch, adjusting myself so that I was straddled over his hips. Dan's hands traveled to my thighs and I pulled my hair over one shoulder before pushing my mouth against his. He bit my lip and I gasped.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this."

"Oh, I think I do." I was sitting on his lower abdominal as he traveled his lips to my neck. To be honest, I was surprised that I turned him on that much. He started sucking and biting at a spot below my ear, whispering nothings into my ear between each. His large hands landed on my bum as I moaned a bit, still on top. Just as he was about to flip me over, the door opened.

"Atari! I'm here! Look what my dad got me for East- oh. Hi, Dan. How are you?" she asked. We scrambled to turn the TV back on play and smooth down his hair.

"I-I'm good. Better go uh finish that video.. thing.. yeah. Uh bye Atari call me?" he asked, his voice all flustered. He went up, nodded and smiled at Micah, grabbed his macbook, and left.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." She looked at me with an odd expression on her face. I blushed and bit my lip, looking over at the pizza box. She followed my gaze and started freaking out. Such a teenage girl.

* * *

AN GUIS HELP ME THINK OF TITLES RELATED TO VIDEO GAMES FOR THE NEXT FIC THAT I'M WRITING WITH THESE CHARACTERS.

PLOT LINE IDEAS ARE MORE THAN WELCOMED. THIS IS NICE AND LONG FOR Y'ALL SO YOU'LL ACTUALLY RESPOND HOPEFULLY


	40. The End Almost

"Dan! I need you to let me use your tumblr real quick," I said as I barged into his flat. I was in my pajamas still, spending a lazy April Fool's day lounging around the house and watching comedies. I love my boss. He gave all of his workers the day off because about 5 years ago, the pranks got so bad that it ended up deleting everyone's progress that they made on the video game system they were working on. Amen for stupid geeky boys.

"Why?" Dan looked up at me and smirked from the table in his lounge.

"Because it's the Mishapocolypse and you're missing out. Plus I hit post limit. Just do it!" He smiled at me and saved his progress on his video editing. "How long have you been working on that?"

"Since I left your flat last night."

"So about 25 hours?"

"Yeah, time flies, right?"

"God, you need sleep. Okay, look at this. I don't know how you've missed it all day." I knelled down on the floor and took the mouse from him. It was so unbelievably difficult to move the mouse when you're this short and the tumblr bookmark is that far away. Goddamn.

"Here, let me help," Dan suggested. I moved away my hand so that he could get to tumblr himself. Instead, he lifted me up and sat me down on his lap. "Better?"

To be honest, it was. But at that point, I was still in shock about us actually being... something. So I nodded and went to his dashboard. "Look at this. Do you see how many Mishas there are?! Look at that! Are you a part of that fandom?" I tried to steer the conversation away from anything that had to do with our proximity. God he's so sexy.

"That is pure genius! Who did this?! God, look at that Doctor Who one! No, I'm not a part of that fandom very much, but I get it on my dashboard like everyone else does."

"It's amazing, right? See, aren't you glad you took a break?" I turned around to smile at him and realized how close his face was to mine. Dan has such beautiful eyes.

"Yeah, but all breaks must come to an end. I've got to get this video done."

"But you need a break."

"No, I don't, come on, only three more hours and then I'll be finished!"

"No, you won't. It will take you forever to finish this and you need rest. It's been over a day since you've gotten any sleep."

"But if I go three more then I can upload it and my fans will be happy and they won't attack me on the internet and twitter will be a safe place and it will be nice for those people out there that look forward to my videos and who couldn't see my live streams because you never know and they will like me more and this is a really good video I have to finish it bec-"

"Dan, breathe. This is why you need to take a break. Your real fans aren't going to hate you because you posted the video a day later due to your health. Come on, you need to take a break."

"I can do this, Atari."

"But wouldn't it sound nice to curl up on the couch and look at tumblr and fall asleep? You could take a nap, I could make you tea, and we could watch stupid television shows-"

"Atari-"

"And we could cuddle, or something... and we could make food, and play Guitar Hero, and it would be great."

"What is this other something?"

"What?"

"You said we could cuddle or something. What does that mean?"

"Well you would find out, but I guess since you have to get back to editing this video, it's not even worth mentioning." I got up off his lap and began walking to the door. "Text me when you've posted it! Have fun!" I smiled warmly at him, not hurt that I couldn't hang out with him.

"Wait!" I stopped at the door. "Wait, give me two minutes, babe." DID YOU HEAR THAT?! HE CALLED ME BABE. Oh that's so cute.

"I'll go make you tea. Sugar? Milk?"

"Both, please. Thanks!"

* * *

We were laying down on the floor, not caring about anything. Man Overboard was playing on his speakers and we were talking. And it wasn't stupid talking, like about irrelevant current events happening in stupid social parties. It was about ourselves, about things that haven't changed in the longest time. It was about memories, opinions, loves, hates, and everything in between.

"What's your favourite color?" Dan asked me.

"A deep bronze or blue. And not just any blue, that blue that you get when you look at the sky on a summer evening and everything seems perfect, even if it's just for a night. You know?" He nodded. "What about you?"

"Bronze, brown, gold, silver, I like black, but that's a lack of colour instead of an actual colour." I laughed. "Your turn." We had drifted away from old experiences, and were on to our small traits.

"Okay, pause, rewind, or fast forward, which would you choose if you could have that effect on your life?" I asked, turning to him.

"Ummmm probably rewind, just to back in 2006, when I wanted to start making YouTube videos. It took me forever to actually work up the courage to start making them, and they were a hit. It's probably this fringe thing that I have going on. But, then there are other moments that I would want to go back to, you know? Like when I was with that girl. I think that I would have wanted more closure, or less investment in time, if she was just going to dump me after two years. And when Phil and I weren't so huge on the internet, with just a good couple hundred people that liked us a lot and went through our stuff..." Dan looked like he was going to say something more, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

"What else?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"It's something, alright. What is it? You can tell me."

Dan turned to me, looking at me with his dark, deep brown eyes. "I think that I would go back to when we got in that little spat about whatever it was, where we didn't talk for a while over Christmas. I would change that. Ummm... I'd go back to when we kissed just the other day. I noticed how stunning you were that day. And I knew that you were something before that, but, I mean, wow. You are wow. I would have maybe had Micah come home a little later, stayed a while. You know?"

"Yeah, I know." A goofy smile was plastered on my lips.

"What about you?" We turned to look up at his boring ceiling again. I curled into his body, breathing in his cologne. It felt normal. I liked it.

"Rewind, I think. First I'd go back to when I was little, when I would scrape my knees when I fell on the pavement and my dad would patch me up. I miss that sting of childhood. I'd go back to when I was little and the boys would steal my crayons and I'd be okay with it because they always gave them back, unlike the girls. And I'd go back to when Felix and I both lived a door away. And I'd go back to when I felt young, like I was invincible, at all those parties. I'd go to one, I think. And I'd look at all the shit that I've been through. I would have convinced myself to break up with Robbie. I would have gone to more concerts, hugged my mum more, gone outside. I'd go back to when I was in college and everything seemed like it was falling apart, but I knew it wasn't. I'd go back to that day that we spent together, any of the days that you and I spent, all of them. The other day, when you came over. I felt like someone finally liked me. And it felt so freaking amazing. And I'd make sure that Micah stayed out of the house, so that you could stay with me and kiss and eat pizza. I'd press pause right now because I don't want to find out what happens it the future. I want to be right now." He looked at me, mesmerism me with his eyes again. Those goddamn eyes. How are they so perfect? How can one human boy be so attractive?

I looked back up at him from my position on his chest. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

* * *

"I AM BEATING YOUR ASS AT THIS, DAN. Suck on that!" I was getting really animated at Guitar Hero, getting a 50+ note streak on expert for Knights of Cydonia. Yes, I am that good.

"You do this for a living, go easy!"

"I haven't played this in forever and look who's dominating your dick!"

"What?"

"Yes. Look at this. Fucking hell yeah bitches!" I was standing up, rocking out to the song. I was getting a 97% streak and all of the Star Powers. I was so proud of myself! I mean, Dan wasn't even trying. He stopped hitting any of the notes. "What are you doing back there, slacker?" I asked.

Then I felt two hands hold onto my hips and a figure press up behind me. "Dan, I'm totally beating your ass at this, no wonder you are trying to distract me."

"Is it working?" he whispered into my ear.

"No." Yes. God his voice is so sexy.

"Are you sure?" He noticed that I stopped playing for a minute, just staring at the notes that I didn't press. I went back to playing, trying to focus all of my energy on the game. I needed to get the high score on Dan's game.

"Positive."

Then he started nibbling on my neck. "You are so not getting that high score, Video Game Girl."

"This is what I do for a living, of course I'm getting that high score."

"And what if you don't?" His hands traveled to my waist.

"U-uhh I'll... umm..."

"That's what I thought." He started biting on the spot he had been focused on. I took my bottom lip between my teeth and concentrated on the game in front of me. I was this animated, too sexy, long-haired goddess, back to back with the singer. I let out a whimper as the song seemed to get longer and longer, and his patience with this game got thinner and thinner. "I'm going to win this, Dan."

He pulled my hips to his and I gasped a bit. "Dan. I'm going to win. Look how close I am."

"Oh, I see." He smirked. God I hate him sometimes. But I finished the song, barely, but I did finish.

"Wow, so stubborn," he remarked.

"I hate you."

"Why?"

"Because if I missed one more note, I wouldn't have gotten the high score."

"But you did anyways."

"And you are still attached to me." I could feel his body behind mine. My body turned around to glare at him.

"You're cute when you're mad." I glared at him, but I knew I couldn't stay upset at him forever. I giggled lightly and hugged him.

"You're so stupid," I said.

"Let's both be stupid, forever!"

* * *

"Dan? I'm back!" Phil called from the doorway. We were on the couch, munching on popcorn, playing Super Smash Bros Brawl. I was Link, as always, and Dan was Kirby. He was beating me.

"I am so letting you win."

"Yeah, right. We're in here, Phil!"

"We?" he asked, walking into the room. "Oh! Hi, Atari!"

"Hi, Phillip!" Sudden Death come upon the television screen, making Dan and I go ham until he ended up winning. That little bastard.

"I win! Who is superior?!"

"I wouldn't get too cocky, I still beat you at Guitar Hero."

"You did?!" Phil asked, moving farther into the room. I scooted over to give him room between Dan and myself. "What was your score?"

"97% note streak, 1528 notes hit."

"Seriously?! That's way better than Dan!"

"Hey, now."

"Right? I am so proud of myself."

"Who were you playing as?"

"I made my own character." Dan was slouching in his spot, pouting. "Don't be sad, baby. You'll get it another time."

"I doubt that."

"You totally won at Super Smash."

"You let me win!"

"No, I didn't! I promise!"

"You totally let me win."

"Come on, no I didn't. I haven't practiced at Super Smash in such a long time, not since it was on Game Cube and I was in high school."

Dan smiled at me. "Fine, if you say so."

"You guys are too cute," Phil commented. "I'm hungry. Did you guys eat yet?"

"No," Dan said as he got up off of the couch.

"We can go to my flat! I'm sure Micah is making something."

* * *

"Are you sure that you guys want to cook?" Micah asked.

"Of course. Dan and I are excellent at this stuff. I cook all the time, Micah. You know that."

"Well, yeah, but I can get it if you want."

"We've got it," I said, exchanging smiles with my roommate. "You go watch some Death Note with Phil, we will be out in about ten minutes."

She left with a wave, leaving Dan and myself alone. The little square of a kitchen was great. There was enough room to get stuff done, without having an abundance of space for other people, leaving a more intimate area. I like being close with my food.

I was making the shrimp as Dan was boiling the noodles. This meal was so easy. And for those that don't like shrimp, we have some red peppers, capers, and onions. And it was nice. We would sit down to dinner together, eat it around a small table in our living area. I'd joke around with Phil and Micah would talk to Dan about music. We would keep going on with our lives, swimming in a perpetual something. And I knew we would float on, eventually getting used to the current.

It was raining outside, I noticed. I took a quick glance at Dan, focusing in on his perfect profile. A smile found it's way to my lips as he stuck out his tongue when he was stirring the noodles, adding sound effects. I think he noticed me staring, because he looked over at me.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"No reason," I said with a smile as I leaned up against the counter. He smirked.

"Like what you see?"

"Of course. I always will."

He pecked me on the lips before returning to his cooking. I was happy as I went back to the shrimp and veggies. I like him a lot. And I want it to stay the same. I know that this was only the start of the rest of the story. I take a glance at Dan, noticing him look over at me. I smile and blush, hiding my face with my hair.

It is all so fragile. But I love it, and I think that I love being around him. I am at ease, floating on this perpetual something, enjoying the view of the world exploding above me.

This is the start button and I've pressed it. My journey has just begun, leaving me a legacy to uphold. I have monsters to defeat, high scores to achieve, and asses to kick. I have my sword, my rock, my shield; Dan, my friends, and Soup. This is the beginning. Everything up to this point was just the opening of the game, I now have to get to the boss monster. But I am strong. And I am running towards new achievements.

And I'm not alone in this something.

* * *

GUIS IT'S DONE. AND I HAVE SOOOOOO MANY IDEAS FOR THE NEXT ONE. LOOK OUT FOR:

Achievement Unlocked

or

Level Unlocked

or

Insert Coin to Continue

or

The Princess is In Another Castle

or 

Press X To Continue

SOON TO A FANFICTION NEAR YOU. Guis it's done *lovingly cries a bit*

_**I HAVE A POLL UP, SO VOTE ON MY PROFILE FOR THE NEXT NAME ON THERE. OKAY?! CAUSE I CAN'T MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.**_AND LOOK AT THOSE MOTHER FUCKING REVIEWS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THEY MAKE ME. LIKE I COULD SCREAM. NOT EVEN KIDDING.

No, the next one will NOT be rated M, don't even suggest it. No.

I would like to thank a few people before I sign out of this fic. Thanks to my friend Kelsey who actually reads this because I can't shut my big, fat, depressed mouth up about YouTube, RebellionLies, XxStaryEyesxX, therealjainasolo, and ciarathellama for reviewing, messaging, and being great.


	41. HELLO AND GOODBYE

GUIS THE NEW ONE IS UUUUUP.

GOT A FEW CHAPTERS ON IT EVEN.

IT'S CALLED PRESS A TO CONTINUE AND IT'S ON MY PROFILE GO CHECK IT OUT OKAY GOOD.


End file.
